Pardon my procrastination over tackling the topic of separating self worth from performance. Of the 10 ways of handling discouragement on the way to success, this hits veeeeery close to home.

This one probably takes the most mental discipline too.

I am currently working on a plan and schedule for a business enterprise. I see everything in my mind and have gone so far as to write out several things in the form of goals and action steps.

But I haven’t gotten everything out the way I see it in my mind and I feel a little frustrated by that. Even with the few steps I have taken, I still find I’m judging myself pretty harshly.

Some of this just ties into learning to be realistic (see Handling Discouragement: Being Realistic).

But the other component ties into this concept of learning to separate self worth from performance.

Let’s face it, we’ve all been taught since an early age that positive performance gets rewarded, whether it’s good grades in school, sales from a presentation, or a promotion during a review.

But whether I do or don’t accomplish a goal, who I am at the core and my value as an individual never changes. I’m a human being, not a human doing.

I can’t increase my worth through achievement and I can’t take it away by non-achievement.

So what can I change? How about the level of my self-image, my self-esteem?

“High self-esteem seeks the challenge and stimulation of worthwhile and demanding goals.”

(Nathaniel Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, p. 6)

Instead of attempting to grab meaning, purpose, value, etc. from external cues (approval, love, acceptance, etc. for performance…much, if not all, is out of my control anyhow), I can grab it from the inside by the things I tell myself.

(For more on self talk, see Developing an Empowering Ritual - A Building Block for Transformation)