In honor of the New Year’s arrival, I’m going to start out with something Mark Victor Hansen recently wrote to the subscribers of his weekly email:

It’s the time of year when many of us reflect on our year’s events…

Our goals; those attained and those unattained.
Our dreams; those fulfilled and those unfilled.
Our hopes; those dashed and those realized.

Perhaps you’ve achieved everything you set out to accomplish in the past 365 days. If so, Congratulations!

But what about the rest of us?

Perhaps for some, the year was not as prosperous as we had hoped and some of the goals remained elusive.  Perhaps some of the lessons we learned seemed harsh and our teachers overbearing.

Yet we continue to learn, grow and choose our own path…

We celebrate our small victories of the past 365 days.

And you have victories you can celebrate and that you can check off as “accomplished” on that big “TO DO” list of yours.

You have done great deeds and have overcome great obstacles. They may not seem like large or obvious accomplishments at first, but when you think about it you have:

Impacted people in a positive way… CHECK!
Expanded your views and your personal education… CHECK!
Continued on the journey towards the ultimate you… CHECK!
Lived 365 days of living, loving and learning… CHECK!
Brought a smile to someone’s face… CHECK!

It was exactly one year ago today that I had spent the entire day writing out my goals. I’d written goals before, but never this detailed or elaborate.

I wrote 36 in all, breaking down how I would accomplish them over the course of the year. I did it in a way that wouldn’t feel overwhelming or impossible. Many were a stretch, but all were definitely worth working toward.

I hit quite a few bumps over the past year and definitely had my fair share of disappointments. While certain goals were unattained, there were some where it seemed like I’d gone completely backward and beyond just going back to Square One.

Some of these apparent “failures” were heartbreaking and difficult to face or even admit to myself.

And then I got that email I shared above. It’s a great feeling knowing I can give myself checks like that!

One of my proudest accomplishments of 2008 is launching this blog. It was one of my 36 written goals too! Yippee!!

A friend recently asked what motivates me to share the way I do. After a bit of thought, I wrote back:

“We live in a day and age where so many people are afraid to let their guards down and subsequently they wear all these masks. It can be tiring after awhile. And I just love the whole learning process and being able to share it from a personal perspective, without the sense that I’m vomiting a ton of inappropriate details.”

I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone, but it’s something that appears to drive me. That, and also the motivation to press through my own journey.

And yes it’s been a journey.

Has someone ever complimented you about something that you were all too quick to deflect? Maybe it was an ability or quality, or the way you looked in those new clothes or that new haircut, or some kind of accomplishment?

Not only am I raising my hand, I’m standing up on the podium jumping up and down saying, “That’s me! Yes, I do that!”

A couple of years ago I used to walk around my neighborhood early in the morning speaking out a little mantra that Tony Robbins shared on one of his CDs: “All I need is within me now.”

At first blush that chant sounded a little strange to me, and coming from a Christian perspective, it felt a little self-centered in a way. Yet while I believe that God provides for my needs, I also believe he put a lot in this package called “David” that I haven’t been so willing to accept.

And hello! The clues had been coming at me left and right for years. I sat there like a blonde deer in the headlights. “Who, me?”

Then something dawned on me yesterday. I guess I can’t say I hadn’t heard it before, but this time I think I really HEARD it:

No matter how many people out there love you, accept you, believe you, appreciate you…none of it will ever be able to overcome or make up for your own lack of self acceptance.

And I realized that everything that the closest of friends and mentors had been trying to tell me…convince me for years…was true: everything I need is right there inside me, like a present, ready to be opened and accepted.

I don’t have to be anyone else. Everything that God gave me is right there, and it’s perfect. No mask required.

Now I don’t know what anyone else would think, but I believe that coming to understand that truth has got to be one of the best and biggest accomplishments for me in all of 2008.

Checks and gold stars all around for you, David! Happy New Year!!!

I recently picked up the book, “An Actor’s Work,” by Konstantin Stanislavski.
Stanislavski was an early 20th century Russian actor and theater director. The story is told of a dog that would come to his rehearsals:

“…being rather lazy, [the dog] would sleep in the corner all day long. Strangely, every evening, just before the actors were to finish, the dog would be at the door, leash in mouth, waiting to be taken home. What astonished Stanislavski was that the dog would wearily haul himself to his feet several minutes before his master called him.

“Regular as clockwork…the dog would trot to the door and wait there patiently. Now how could a dog possibly know that the rehearsal was over before anyone moved to the door? Finally Stanislavski figured it out. The dog could hear when the actors started talking like normal human beings again.

“The difference between the fake and the living was just as sharp as Pavlov’s bell.”

(Declan Donnellan, Introduction, “An Actor’s Work,” p. ix)

I’ve become fascinated by this idea of what makes characters on TV shows or movies so believable. I mean, believable to the point where the viewer suspends their disbelief, enters into the fictional world, and actually believes everything happening is real.

I was watching one of my favorite shows, Smallville, the other day, and was struck by how believable the characters were to me. I believed their words, their emotions, and their body language.

I’m sure there are many of us who have witnessed bad acting. Poor scripts aside, bad acting (for me) is acting that is hollow, wooden, and devoid of soul and character. I don’t believe the actor’s portrayal. I don’t believe his or her character is real.

If there’s anything that I’m attempting to get to the heart of, it’s the essence of what makes a person believable, even to themselves. I KNOW when I don’t believe something about myself. But on the flipside, I also know when I DO believe something about myself.

Usually what I don’t believe lies on the surface. You know, like some kind of lotion that doesn’t penetrate the skin barrier and feels all greasy.

But what I do believe has penetrated my very soul. It has a life of its own. It’s something I would fight for.

And the crossing of this divide is what many people in the acting community accomplish daily, which is why a friend encouraged me to explore the subject.

Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman were interviewed by Oprah recently about their new movie, “Australia.” Nicole gave a really great insight into how that divide is bridged when she talked about her approach to the kissing scenes:

“…you do have to step into this place…especially when it’s romantic…where you have to be true to the characters. So a lot of it is still creating mystery between you so that there is chemistry…We both would have to commit to that…and then you step out of it and you go back to your life…

“But there is this sort of imaginary existence that you have to commit to…You have to commit to the love of the moment in the scene and then you walk away from it. You go back to your life…but you have to make it believable in that moment…you have to be real…it has to vibrate through me. And then you shed it. You go back to your life.”

On a funny note, another friend of mine recounted a time when his buddy was pulled over for doing some major speeding. As the officer approached the window, my friend (on the passenger side) leaned forward, groaning that he had to get to a restroom fast or he wasn’t going to make it.

While my friend isn’t an actor, he sure was committed to his part. The cop let his buddy off…

“Worry is a poor use of the imagination,” I heard someone say the other day. I’ve also heard it said that worry is nothing but negative prayer.

What’s wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this?
I’m going crazy now

No more gas in the rig
Can’t even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said
Can’t even speak about it
All my life on my head
Don’t want to think about it
Feels like I’m going insane
Yeah

It’s a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
It’s too close for comfort

(From “Disturbia” by Rihanna)

“A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming.”  (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It’s like the darkness is the light

(From “Disturbia” by Rihanna)

“Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.” (Carl Sagan)

Release me from this curse I’m in
Trying to maintain
But I’m struggling

(From “Disturbia” by Rihanna)

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and understand, imagination points to all we might yet discover and create.”  (Albert Einstein)

For good or for ill, imagination is mine to wield…

Have you ever had the experience of walking into a room to get something and then forgetting what you wanted to get? Oh man! It kills me when that happens!

I’ll be racking my brain for a long time trying to figure it out, and when I finally give up…
I remember.

Pretty soon the world will be in holiday swing (well, the merchants are ALREADY in holiday swing) and many of the old movie classics will be aired over and over until December 25, including “A Christmas Carol.”

Scrooge blocked out and forgot a lot of things in his life. Good things. Things that made him a great, endearing, wonderful guy. The Spirit of Christmas Past helped him to see and remember those memories.

In this day and age, it is sooooo easy to forget things like that. The pace of life moves quickly and it shows no signs of slowing down either.

Many years ago I had the privilege of helping ten young men from Sudan get acclimated into American culture. They were called “The Lost Boys.”

I did my homework on African culture and learned that relationships were extremely important. Time spent together was highly valued.

So that’s what I did. I spent lots and lots of time with my new friends, teaching them how to shop, cook…and put the orange juice in the refrigerator instead of the cupboard.

What developed were some truly rich relationships.

And then I got busy…

And then I forgot…

I forgot a simple, profound truth of human relating:

Take an interest in others and invite them into the conversation of your life.

Lately I’ve been having some fun on Facebook. I’ve been doing my own tour down memory lane, posting one or two pics a day, taking anyone who cares to watch through a timeline of my life in pictures.

It’s been fun to see what people comment on and the online conversations that emerge.

Somewhere along the line I had an a-ha moment. It didn’t become clear until last night when a friend was remarking about how silly it was that people would send things like plants and drinks (Facebook applications) to each other. I admit that for a long time I found it annoying myself.

But I’m starting to wonder if these are really only attempts to remember something that was forgotten: How to connect and relate with one another.

I think it’s a good thing.

There’s a cable channel whose tagline is “We Know Drama.” I crack up every time I hear it. If there’s anyone out there who has a corner on the drama market, it’s the human soul.

I like this exchange between Jerry Maguire and Dorothy Boyd in the movie “Jerry Maguire”…

Jerry: It was laziness, my breakup with Avery.

Dorothy: It doesn’t just happen. Somebody is always to blame.

Jerry: You work at it like you do a job.

Dorothy: Maybe, love shouldn’t be such hard work.

Jerry: Yeah, maybe so. But it’s not every day you say goodbye to a woman like that.

Dorothy: I know what you mean. It wasn’t like my marriage to Roger was any good, even before …

Jerry: Before…?

Dorothy: Jerry… Let’s not tell our sad stories.

“Seeing oneself as a victim is an element in many egoic patterns, such as complaining, being offended, outraged, and so on.

Of course, once I am identified with the story in which I assigned myself the role of victim, I don’t want it to end…If no one will listen to my sad story, I can tell it to myself in my head, over and over, and feel sorry for myself, and so have an identity as someone who is being treated unfairly by life or other people, fate or God.”

(Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth - Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, p. 89-90)

While pondering the subject of identification, I came across this oldie the other day. You gotta love those love ballads from the ’70’s and ’80’s! I’ve spared everyone the original…this is an updated version!

All Out of Love, Air Supply (performed by Jenna Drey)

I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I’m all out of love, what am I without you
I can’t be too late to say that I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I’m reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right

And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can’t hold on
There’s no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I’ll be gone, I’ll be gone

I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I’m all out of love, what am I without you
I can’t be too late to say that I was so wrong

Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?

I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I’m all out of love, what am I without you
I can’t be too late to say that I was so wrong

I recently started listening to Oprah’s A New Earth webcast with Eckhart Tolle. Tolle’s book, “A New Earth - Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose,” has become quite popular as a result of the Oprah series.

While I don’t agree with a lot of his scriptural interpretations, I’ve never been one to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

I found his discussion of the ego particularly helpful.

When he used the example of the child who cries when his toy is taken away from him, the light bulbs went off:

“The reason why such acute suffering occurs is concealed in the word ‘my,’ and it is structural…One of the most basic mind structures through which the ego comes into existence is identification.

The word ‘identification’ is derived from the Latin word idem, meaning ’same’ and facere, which means ‘to make.’ So when I identify with something, I ‘make it the same.’ The same as what? The same as I. I endow it with a sense of self, and so it becomes part of my ‘identity.’

One of the most basic levels of identification is with things: My toy later becomes my car, my house, my clothes, and so on.”

(Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth - Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, p. 34-35)

Material items aren’t the only things capable of creating strong points of identification. Careers, group affiliations, social standing, beliefs of any kind…these can all hold similar power. And when they’re lost or displaced, well, all hell can break loose.

A lot of people (myself included) tend to define themselves in terms of their personal history: successes and failures, achievements and setbacks, education, family, relationships, jobs, etc. 

Admittedly, the nature of time and my own physical body provide a pretty compelling argument that who I am today, indeed all that I am, is soley the culmination of my past and present. What else is there?

But lately I’ve come to realize there’s more to it than that.

If I go with the premise that yesterday and today is all there is, then life (for me at least) would be truly meaningless.

However, coming from both a spiritual and Christian perspective, I believe that all human beings have an eternal nature to them and therefore simultaneously exist in the future as well. 

Taking it a step further to account for this future true and eternal self opens a multitude of possibilities.

This concept is something I’ve been resisting for quite some time too. “Resisting” sounds a little weak. I’ve been pretty much fighting against the notion.

Whatever the reason, my defenses have been pretty strong. It probably means there is something really important on the other side of that wall.

But while my defenses are strong, I kind of doubt that storming or blasting the wall away is the answer. Truthfully, I think all that’s required is to just plain ‘ole walk through the wall.

Translation: it’s a faith transaction rather than an intellectual one.

I’ve had a handful of moments over the past several months where I’ve gotten an inkling of what’s on the other side of the wall.

I remember a couple of times when this feeling of peace came out of nowhere. I had the impression that no matter how the story looked at the present time, the ending was still good. I wasn’t reading or doing anything at the moment that would have triggered that feeling. It literally came out of the blue.

While those felt like “God” moments, there were other times where the impression felt less like God and more like, well, me. And this is where it might sound a little weird. It wasn’t me today, but me somewhere in the future…the future on the other side of that wall…if I chose to walk through it in faith.

I’m going to segway a little with an insight that Tony Robbins gives in regards to the art of race car driving:

“The number-one fundamental they teach in driving is: Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear…Drivers know that you go where you look; you travel the direction of your focus. If you resist your fear, have faith, and focus on where you want to go, your actions will take you in that direction.”
(Awaken the Giant Within, p. 161)

A number of years ago I attended a seminar where I had the opportunity to break a board with my bare hand. The key to breaking it, however, was not found in physical strength or sheer will power. It was in quietly first seeing (in my mind’s eye) my hand go through the board, and then just doing it.

Everyone who tried to break the board through brute strength failed, to the point where some even hurt themselves.

Focusing on the wall, the barrier, the fear…this doesn’t seem to work. Changing the focus to what’s on the other side of it, well that seems to be the trick.

There comes a point, however, where intellect (personal history) must be left behind in favor of embracing a truth that cannot be seen by the naked eye and which has no rational, intellectual means for being.

Hmmmmm…something to think about.

So, on behalf of my future true self, and in honor of passing through that wall, here’s something from Mon A Q that’s had a lot of meaning for me lately (lyrics below):

 “It’s My Turn,” Mon A Q

There was a time
Didn’t think i could make it
One more day
I never thought
I could take this all the way
Shared my love
With anybody in need
I found the courage
I need for me
I’m gonna sing my song

And it’s my turn
I’m here to take it
Get outta my way
’cause i’ve gotta make it
It’s my turn
Got to keep on pushin’
I’m headin’ higher
And higher and higher
And it’s my turn
And nobody else
Gonna take it away
Is gonna take this away
And it’s my turn
I know i deserve it
I’m headin’ higher
And higher and higher

There was a love we had
I thought would never ever end
You were my lover
But now you’re not even my friend
I’ve wasted my time
Coulda been shoulda been
Livin my own dreams
No no no it’s not too late

Now i’m singin’ for me

I can’t wait
I can’t stop
I’ve got to give love
All i’ve got
What i do
I do just for me

Love this one from John Maxwell: “When it comes to believing in themselves, some people are agnostic!” (Talent is Never Enough, p. 19)

How true!

In softball, there was one position I always hated: centerfield.

Let me repeat: I HATED IT!

The thought of never knowing when the batter would hit the ball my way…

…the anxiety of waiting…

…and then eventually seeing it fly high up in the sky and down toward me….

Yep. Usually filled me with terror.

.

I was either afraid of getting hit by the ball or dropping it. With all eyes on me of course.

“During crunch time, players want the ball. Others want to hide.”

(John Maxwell, Talent is Never Enough, p. 20)

I played on a softball team for two seasons. The coach made me catcher, which was usually fine until all the bases were loaded and the stakes were in my hands. That’s when I hated the position almost as much as being in the outfield.

But one day we had a game when the head coach wasn’t there. The assistant had me play short stop and I nearly had a coronary.

However, as the game got underway, something amazing happened. I became totally juiced.

There was something about being that close, with a 95% probability that the ball (fast and furious) would come my way almost every time, that got me totally jazzed.

I WANTED to catch it. And at that point, the way I played the game totally changed. It was the biggest rush.

When the head coach returned for the next game, I fully expected to be given a shot at the new position…

It was back to catcher.

I was bummed AND ticked.

During crunch time, players want the ball…

Hmmmm…something to think about…

Perhaps at this point I should say, baseball…er…softball been very, very good to me!

Thomas Edison once said, “If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astonish ourselves.”

So why is it so hard sometimes to take that leap of faith and just do it?

Well, I’ve come to understand that as a human being, both my mind and body are incredibly adept at keeping everything in balance in accordance with my beliefs.

In fact, stress is a key signal to the body that something is off.

.

“Both Eastern and Western medical sciences have long understood that maintaining natural balances is the body’s greatest priority; if the systems of the body are going to work at all, they must work together in harmony. When equilibrium is thrown off balance, the result is stress…Stress includes both the alarm responses that signal imbalance and the coping mechanisms that seek restoration of equilibrium.”

(Gerald May, Addiction & Grace - Love and Spirituality in the Healing of Addictions, p. 73)

And haven’t we all experienced stress, along with that drive to get things back to “normal?”

Last month I had a (somewhat) funny situation happen to me. I was sitting at my desk working on something when I heard a little noise by my window. I looked up and there sitting on the sill, staring right at me through the blinds was a little mouse. And yes, it was inside.

Our eyes locked for probably a minute or more. I didn’t want to move for fear it would leave the sill and come all the way into my bedroom. But as you might suspect, it eventually scampered all the way in.

Years ago I had a problem with a mouse in a previous home. All those memories came flooding back into my brain: the endless scratching noises that would keep me up at night, holes and droppings discovered throughout the house, buying and setting traps everywhere…all of which seemed to go on for a very long time.

So what was happening in me at the moment that little guy scurried into my (now) much smaller living space was nothing short of panic. Things were definitely out of balance and I wanted that creature out of my place YESTERDAY!

Traps were set and the mouse was caught within about 24 hours, but I will tell you that my entire being was in a state of alert until it was over.

While this is kind of a silly, amusing example, stress signals like this - mild to severe - typically accompany the individual who is moving into new or unfamiliar territory - whether it’s starting a new job, trying out a new sport, or learning a new skill.

And how much more so when the person is actually trying to change or develop some aspect of their identity, perhaps leaving behind old, entrenched patterns of thinking and behaving?

It’s kind of like the rubber band effect - the impulse is to snap back into the old, familiar “shape.”