In honor of the New Year’s arrival, I’m going to start out with something Mark Victor Hansen recently wrote to the subscribers of his weekly email:

It’s the time of year when many of us reflect on our year’s events…

Our goals; those attained and those unattained.
Our dreams; those fulfilled and those unfilled.
Our hopes; those dashed and those realized.

Perhaps you’ve achieved everything you set out to accomplish in the past 365 days. If so, Congratulations!

But what about the rest of us?

Perhaps for some, the year was not as prosperous as we had hoped and some of the goals remained elusive.  Perhaps some of the lessons we learned seemed harsh and our teachers overbearing.

Yet we continue to learn, grow and choose our own path…

We celebrate our small victories of the past 365 days.

And you have victories you can celebrate and that you can check off as “accomplished” on that big “TO DO” list of yours.

You have done great deeds and have overcome great obstacles. They may not seem like large or obvious accomplishments at first, but when you think about it you have:

Impacted people in a positive way… CHECK!
Expanded your views and your personal education… CHECK!
Continued on the journey towards the ultimate you… CHECK!
Lived 365 days of living, loving and learning… CHECK!
Brought a smile to someone’s face… CHECK!

It was exactly one year ago today that I had spent the entire day writing out my goals. I’d written goals before, but never this detailed or elaborate.

I wrote 36 in all, breaking down how I would accomplish them over the course of the year. I did it in a way that wouldn’t feel overwhelming or impossible. Many were a stretch, but all were definitely worth working toward.

I hit quite a few bumps over the past year and definitely had my fair share of disappointments. While certain goals were unattained, there were some where it seemed like I’d gone completely backward and beyond just going back to Square One.

Some of these apparent “failures” were heartbreaking and difficult to face or even admit to myself.

And then I got that email I shared above. It’s a great feeling knowing I can give myself checks like that!

One of my proudest accomplishments of 2008 is launching this blog. It was one of my 36 written goals too! Yippee!!

A friend recently asked what motivates me to share the way I do. After a bit of thought, I wrote back:

“We live in a day and age where so many people are afraid to let their guards down and subsequently they wear all these masks. It can be tiring after awhile. And I just love the whole learning process and being able to share it from a personal perspective, without the sense that I’m vomiting a ton of inappropriate details.”

I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone, but it’s something that appears to drive me. That, and also the motivation to press through my own journey.

And yes it’s been a journey.

Has someone ever complimented you about something that you were all too quick to deflect? Maybe it was an ability or quality, or the way you looked in those new clothes or that new haircut, or some kind of accomplishment?

Not only am I raising my hand, I’m standing up on the podium jumping up and down saying, “That’s me! Yes, I do that!”

A couple of years ago I used to walk around my neighborhood early in the morning speaking out a little mantra that Tony Robbins shared on one of his CDs: “All I need is within me now.”

At first blush that chant sounded a little strange to me, and coming from a Christian perspective, it felt a little self-centered in a way. Yet while I believe that God provides for my needs, I also believe he put a lot in this package called “David” that I haven’t been so willing to accept.

And hello! The clues had been coming at me left and right for years. I sat there like a blonde deer in the headlights. “Who, me?”

Then something dawned on me yesterday. I guess I can’t say I hadn’t heard it before, but this time I think I really HEARD it:

No matter how many people out there love you, accept you, believe you, appreciate you…none of it will ever be able to overcome or make up for your own lack of self acceptance.

And I realized that everything that the closest of friends and mentors had been trying to tell me…convince me for years…was true: everything I need is right there inside me, like a present, ready to be opened and accepted.

I don’t have to be anyone else. Everything that God gave me is right there, and it’s perfect. No mask required.

Now I don’t know what anyone else would think, but I believe that coming to understand that truth has got to be one of the best and biggest accomplishments for me in all of 2008.

Checks and gold stars all around for you, David! Happy New Year!!!

Pardon my procrastination over tackling the topic of separating self worth from performance. Of the 10 ways of handling discouragement on the way to success, this hits veeeeery close to home.

This one probably takes the most mental discipline too.

I am currently working on a plan and schedule for a business enterprise. I see everything in my mind and have gone so far as to write out several things in the form of goals and action steps.

But I haven’t gotten everything out the way I see it in my mind and I feel a little frustrated by that. Even with the few steps I have taken, I still find I’m judging myself pretty harshly.

Some of this just ties into learning to be realistic (see Handling Discouragement: Being Realistic).

But the other component ties into this concept of learning to separate self worth from performance.

Let’s face it, we’ve all been taught since an early age that positive performance gets rewarded, whether it’s good grades in school, sales from a presentation, or a promotion during a review.

But whether I do or don’t accomplish a goal, who I am at the core and my value as an individual never changes. I’m a human being, not a human doing.

I can’t increase my worth through achievement and I can’t take it away by non-achievement.

So what can I change? How about the level of my self-image, my self-esteem?

“High self-esteem seeks the challenge and stimulation of worthwhile and demanding goals.”

(Nathaniel Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, p. 6)

Instead of attempting to grab meaning, purpose, value, etc. from external cues (approval, love, acceptance, etc. for performance…much, if not all, is out of my control anyhow), I can grab it from the inside by the things I tell myself.

(For more on self talk, see Developing an Empowering Ritual - A Building Block for Transformation)

Ever wish you could go back in time and do something over, differently, or maybe not at all? I know I have.

“Failure is an opportunity to begin again, but more intelligently.”

John Maxwell

And hindsight has 20/20 vision…

As human beings we have the great and magnificent ability to learn from our mistakes. So like it or not, failing, falling down, screwing up…it’s all part of the learning experience.

But what about this notion of time travel? I mean seriously, why not fix ourselves that way?

Hey now…I’m serious!

I may not be able to go back in time, but I can sure go forward…in my imagination.

I was inspired recently by an article I read in my health club’s fitness magazine. It was about a book called “Five Wishes: How Answering One Simple Question Can Make Your Dreams Come True.”

I haven’t read the book, but I found the article about it extremely helpful. Here’s a snip…

“Imagine looking back on your life from your deathbed and identifying the important things that might have kept your experience in this lifetime from being a complete, totally satisfying experience…translate each major regret (’I wish I had experienced A or accomplished B or not screwed up C’) into a positive, powerful, present-tense statement - a statement that would be true, assuming you created successes in the areas you currently feel lacking. For example: “My life is a total success because I have experienced A, or I am enjoying B, or I have come to understand C.”

Pilar Gerasimo, “No Show, No Glow”
Experience Life Magazine, p. 12

This past week I pictured myself being interviewed in the future. I was at the height of success and people wanted to know how I achieved it:

1. What were my biggest challenges?
2. When did things turn around for me?
3. What did I do?

When I finished I felt like I’d come off of a mountaintop somewhere. My vision was clearer and I felt like I understood my purpose better.

And I had a greater sense of what steps I needed to take to ensure I was answering those same questions the same way in the future.

I will share the answers in my next post about developing a passion…

I was a little uncertain how to approach this topic. Since when does going after any type of goal or dream have ANYTHING to do with being realistic??

I mean, I think a lot of people (myself included!) are guilty of shrinking their goals down to doable, managable, and realistic objectives. Right? I think that’s what keeps a lot of us feeling frustrated, broke, and depressed.

So again, how does being realistic help manage disappointment on the way to achieving success?

Okaaaaaay… How about I pull out a mirror? Can I honestly look myself in the eye and say,

“You have every right to feel discouraged. You did everything you could. No one understands how hard you’ve worked for it!”

Ahhhhh… But are my expectations realistic? Are my actions in line with my commitment? Or am I really only a day dreamer, totally squeamish when my goals require effort beyond the minimum?

Sometimes discouragement is really a mask for the fear of learning something new. Say my skill level is at a 2 and I demand it to be 10 or above…yesterday…without any practice or effort. Is THAT realistic?

The following video is pretty heartbreaking to watch. I see a lot of myself in this guy, someone who is really struggling with the idea of breaking out of his own self-limiting beliefs. Bear with the minute or so of introduction…

This guy is clearly discouraged. But is he being realistic in regards to his expectations?

Or is a different level of commitment and belief required to help him reach his ultimate destination of success as a dancer?

He fought to get to this stage of the competition only to give up so quickly. It’s mind-boggling. But I’m sure we all know someone like that in our lives…

Wow, when I kicked off this series with my post on Holding to Belief, Vision, and Purpose in Times of Discouragement, I really wasn’t sure how it would unfold. It’s been both a learning and a growing experience grappling with these topics.

Since I’m halfway through, I’ll list John Maxwell’s 10 methods of handling discouragement again:

The first five…

1.    Rise above self-pity.
2.    Think positively.
3.    Learn from your experiences.
4.    Seek alternatives.
5.    Develop a sense of humor.

The next five…

6.    Be realistic.
7.    Establish new goals.
8.    Develop a passion.
9.    Broaden your base of support.
10.  Separate your self-worth from your performance.

Someone once told me that when he looked up “tenacity” in the dictionary he found my name under  it.

So I looked it up.

Here are some definitions…

…tough, holding fast
…persistent determination
…persistent in maintaining, adhering to

When I find myself frustrated with something I’ve been working on for awhile, I activate  this “rule out” procedure in my mind. It’s often unconscious for me. I begin ruling out ways and approaches that aren’t working for me.

This has been especially helpful whenever I’ve found myself in that repetitive pattern of actually DOING the same things over and over again, expecting a different result.

(Yes, many of you may already know that that’s the true definition of insanity…you may go to the head of the class now!)

I will have to say that the “rule out” procedure sometimes works against me in that I might rule something out a little pre-maturely.

More times than not it has helped me move forward, when surely I would have remained stuck.

So what is the “rule out” procedure? Simple…

DON’T DO IT AGAIN!!!

Ouch.

Well, seriously, if it isn’t working, why would I WANT to beat my head against that wall again anyhow?

Seek alternatives. Change approaches. Come at it differently. Try a new way of doing it.

It’s easy to give up on the first try though, isn’t it?

…”I have not failed 700 times. I have not failed once. I have
succeeded in proving that those 700 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.”

(Thomas Edison, regarding inventing the light bulb)

Many years ago when I was downsized out of a job, I put together this sales presentation for myself. I wanted to be an advertising account executive and knew I had to market my skills in a creative fashion.

I took lots of self assessment tests, spent hours conducting information interviews with people in the industry, and eventually crafted what turned out to be a tabletop flipchart presentation of why I was the man for the job.

Mind you, this was before there was PowerPoint!

I can’t tell you how many additional hours I spent at the local print shop just sizing and pasting everything up with the help of rulers and an old-fashioned light table!

In sum: I put a hell of a lot of work into that puppy.

And boy did I sure get the questions…

“Why are you doing that?”
“That won’t work.”
“You really shouldn’t be spending so much time on that.”

I was determined.

But here’s the deal. While some interviewers thought it was cool, there were those who just didn’t get it.

I remember one particularly discouraging morning (a SATURDAY morning nonetheless) when I was brought in for an interview with a small marketing agency.

The two owners of the company interviewed me and when it came to the question of why I felt I was qualified for the job, I pulled out my presentation and showed them exactly why.

These guys began snorting and sniggering. One of them actually walked out into the hallway and started laughing.

It wasn’t a highpoint for me.

After several months of interviewing to no avail, I said “to hell with it, I’m just gonna be a temp!”

After several more months of temping, an opportunity came up for me to interview with a really good company that my temp agency was placing for.

It was a ho-hum interview until I was asked specifically if I could put words and pictures together in a presentation. That’s when I whipped out my trusty tabletop flipchart and let it rip.

Can I say I had the interviewer “at hello”?

I got the job, and it was everything I wanted and was looking for at the time.

Believe it or not, I’ve been teased about this blog and my qualifications to write it.

All I know is I feel driven to write it, which all goes back to what I said about Holding to Belief, Vision, and Purpose in Times of Discouragement.

I grew up in the ’70’s. I remember mood rings, 8-track tapes, disco, and…positive thinking. Positive thinking? Yes, positive thinking.

My mom filled my head with all kinds of sayings, like “turn your scars in to stars” and the like.

I have to say that to this day when I hear the phrase “positive thinking” I can’t help but remember the cheesy hairstyles and gaudy clothing from that decade.

I also remember some hellish times, particularly a nightmarish year in 7th grade. I lived on positive thinking to get me through.

In regards to keeping a positive outlook on things, I like to consider all thoughts as falling somewhere along a range:

Super, sickeningly sweet positive thinking on one extreme (you know, the kind that is devoid of any groundedness in reality whatsoever). Super, depressingly negative thinking on the other extreme (runs on auto-crabby, auto-futility, and auto-it’s the end of the world).

And then there’s everything in between.

In terms of thinking positively while facing setbacks, discouragement, disappointment, etc. on the way to success, I believe it’s good to fall somewhere in the middle of that spectrum.

It takes practice for sure, especially when emotions are running high. John Maxwell says,

Success comes from going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.

(The Maxwell Leadership Bible, p. 910)

If anything it’s an outlook, a determination that no matter what, you will move forward BECAUSE you believe in that dream, goal, destination, purpose, etc.

If you need a little help in this department, turn up the speakers on your computer, open up a new browser window, and copy and paste the following URL:

http://FirstName.YouAreMighty.com (replace “FirstName” with your actual first name).

Hit enter and enjoy what comes next!

Following up Holding to Belief, Vision, and Purpose in Times of Discouragement, I found some great wisdom and insight from John Maxwell on the topic of handling setbacks when moving toward a goal:

The key question on your bad day is: Are you going to give up or get up? And how can you get up?

1.   Rise above self-pity.
2.   Think positively.
3.   Learn from your experiences.
4.   Seek alternatives.
5.   Develop a sense of humor.
6.   Be realistic.
7.   Establish new goals.
8.   Develop a passion.
9.   Broaden your base of support.
10. Separate your self-worth from your performance.

(From “The Maxwell Leadership Bible,” p. 910)

Setbacks are part of life. I’ll admit I haven’t always been a star performer when it comes to rolling with the punches of adversity, but I’ve held my ground more times than not. And I’ve never gone down for the count…at least not permanently!

I took a telecourse last weekend called The Art and Science of Achieving Your Goals and Dreams. Part of my pre-course homework involved writing a life purpose statement, as well as a vision statement for my life (what my life would be like living at the peak of success and the achievement of my goals and dreams). I will share them both.

Purpose

“The purpose of my life is to learn and grow, inspiring others along the way, and showing them they too can do the same.”

Vision

“I am living a life of complete emotional freedom. I love myself and others freely and unconditionally. I have learned to master my thoughts and emotions in such a way that I’ve come to trust and honor myself and my abilities at a whole new level. I can state a goal and know I will reach it because I am congruent and honor my promises to myself. I accept all learning curves and have learned to be patient with myself and others as a result.

The aforementioned emotional freedom has enabled me to move into financial freedom. I am free to ask and receive. I can hold an intention with complete faith because I know it will come to pass. This has enabled me to exceed my financial targets. I am attracting money, business, and partnerships at increasing levels of speed and earn in excess of $________K a year.”

I launched this blog to find, reach out to, and connect with others on this level. I know there is great power to be found in accountability and I’ve already seen how some of you out there have been awakened to your own dreams and goals and have gotten that extra push to take your own steps of faith.

So with that said, “you know who” paid me a visit this week. Yes, that would be “Dennis.” (Refer to Self Acceptance: Building Belief in Yourself While Going for Your Dreams to learn more about him!) I had been working toward a particular financial goal over the past couple of years and had somewhat of a setback in relation to it a few days ago.

These things happen.

Of the myriad reactions I had building in me, one of the more healthy responses was to talk about it here. After all, this is the before, during, and after story. In doing so I live out my chosen purpose in the present, and set the stage for achieving my vision in the future.

Even though what happened sucks (I won’t go into details yet), it’s pretty cool to realize it’s still working in my favor!

At some point faith always gets tested. Holding the course, especially during moments of discouragement, is the key to getting to the other side.

Can I hear an Amen?

In a previous post, Building Belief with a Burning Desire to Succeed in Whatever You Set Your Mind To, I touched on the concept of faith.

I’m not a theologian by any stretch of the imagination, so this is my bare-bones, working man’s (or shall I say Lab Rat’s?) definition of the word:

Faith is believing, and even seeing in your mind’s eye, something you cannot physically see or sense.

It’s believing something to be real and true, even if it is contrary to or conflicts with what you are experiencing. There is no evidence that it is true but you believe it is true.

This is probably where we get the term “blind faith” from.

I think most people are introduced to the idea of faith in conjunction with some type of spiritual belief, however I don’t believe that any religion has a corner on the market when it comes to faith. I believe it is available to anyone for the taking.

One of the top songs in my daily ritual for success is “Faith” by a Swedish artist named Leana. It’s another one of those songs (and yes, there a LOT of those songs) that really resonates with me.

The lyrics are very simple. Here’s a sampling…

I didn’t want to know you
Didn’t want to show you
Who I was

What if I told you?
What if I showed you?
Would you see? Maybe, baby

‘Cause when I open the door
I just want to make sure
I won’t need to close it again

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting such a long time

I’ve found it extremely easy to live in and believe that the only reality is the reality that I experience today with my physical senses. That includes beliefs I’ve come to adopt over time.

Beliefs about my value, worth, abilities, talents, skills.

Beliefs about my relationships, family, friends, income, job.

Beliefs about what I can accomplish in life.

Beliefs about what I can give in life.

But what about faith?

If I, David, want to make any kind of change in my life, to some degree I have to believe it is possible before receiving any kind of evidence that it is.

About ten years ago I was taking a medication that caused my weight to balloon out 25 pounds. To this day I can’t stand looking at pictures of myself from that time. When I spoke with the doctor about my concerns, she told me to get used to it because it was a known side effect and nothing could be done to change it.

For awhile I believed her.

Then I heard about a book called “Body for Life” and I saw all these Before and After pictures of people who’d transformed themselves physically in 90 days.

My mind went to the possibility of believing something else.

I followed the principles and steps laid out in the book, even though I had NO EVIDENCE that it would work for me.

I would call that faith.

I would also call every day I worked out and every meal I ate and every glass of water I drank and every supplement I took mini steps of faith throughout the whole process.

I lost the 25 pounds.

Here’s the best part: when that doctor saw me, she couldn’t believe it. Now how’s that for irony!!!

There is a real dance with faith when it comes to pursuing goals and dreams. And it can be tainted with a lot of ambivalence at times…

I didn’t want to know you
Didn’t want to show you
Who I was

What if I told you?
What if I showed you?
Would you see? Maybe, baby

‘Cause when I open the door
I just want to make sure
I won’t need to close it again

So, on the edge of making any kind of decision to move forward in anything in life (new career, new relationship, new body, new business, new habits), faith stands willing to take its believers across the bridge into that new reality.

And honestly, I believe it even has the capability of carrying us all the way across until our feet are firmly planted in that new reality.

Here are the lyrics (at least my stab at them) for “Faith” and if the play button has disappeared (a known issue!) you can listen to the song here.

Faith, Leana

Faith…
Faith…
Faith…

I didn’t want to know you
Didn’t want to show you
Who I was

What if I told you?
What if I showed you?
Would you see? Maybe, baby

‘Cause when I open the door
I just want to make sure
I won’t need to close it again

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting such a long time

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting, waiting such a long time

Faith…

Faith…

Faith…

I didn’t want to go there
Didn’t want to know there was something else
Higher than the mountain
Higher than the sky far over my head

‘Cause when I open the door
I just want to make sure
I won’t need to close it again

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting such a long time

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting, waiting such a long time

For this…

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting such a long time

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting such a long time

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting, waiting such a long time

I’ve got faith

I’ve got faith.