Where does fear come from and what purpose does it serve? I would venture to say (and I know I’ve read it somewhere) that fear is a protective mechanism. It keeps me from doing things that could potentially hurt me or put me in danger.

So in that regard, fear is my friend.

But what about fears that stem from events in my past or from what other people have said or done to me? They seem real enough. Couldn’t they be protecting me too?

I’ve alluded a couple of times on this blog to some, er…less than stellar periods in my childhood. Kids can be cruel. Kids without restraint can be downright vicious.

Second period math class in the 7th grade was my time for fear conditioning.

Let’s see…jeering, taunting, gesturing, labeling, name-calling, full-out rejection…. That pretty much summed up what it was like every time I walked into that classroom, with really no breaks at all.

I was ever so thankful for holidays, weekends, and the summer vacation I was able to finally leave that class behind for good…

…or so I thought.

I kept the memories.

 Or maybe they kept me…

“I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” (Mark Twain)

Throughout my adulthood I’ve found my mind playing tricks on me when it’s come to these memories.

I saw many of the worst culprits from my junior high days several years ago at my 20 year high school reunion. They were so mellow they wouldn’t hurt a fly!

And yet, even after seeing these men and women in the present day, I found that the old memories still persisted, creating these imaginary fears of people and what they thought about me. 

So if in time I’ve come to realize that the traumas of my past were still in my past, what do I do in the present time?

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real 

I used to think that acronym was a little hokey until I began to understand how my imagination could work either for or against me.

What I’ve come to realize is that I have a choice when it comes to my fears, especially the ones that could stand to cripple me as I attempt to move forward.

A lot of times it involves completely blocking out the fear, ignoring it, and just doing whatever it is I have to do despite it. When I did my little exercise meeting and striking up conversations with strangers (see Identity Transformation: Using Gentle Persuasion to Change Your Beliefs) that’s what I was doing.

I’ve played various sports (basketball, volleyball, softball) for the sole purpose of learning to master my fears. I ended up having a lot of fun and picking up some new skills in the process.

Ultimately, what really happens when I face my fears is that I end up teaching myself a whole new way to be, think, and do. I become a different person.

I change.

Early last year I attended a meeting for entrepreneurs and business owners in the Chicago area. At one point the moderator asked each of us to identify what we were afraid of. I honestly can’t remember anyone else’s answer, but I sure do remember mine: People.

Now mind you, many of these individuals had known me for several years and I could tell by the looks on their faces that they were a little in disbelief as to what I just said.

To those who know me, I appear to be an outgoing individual. I’m the guy who LOVES karaoke! And many of the people in the room that day had come to know me as someone who had already achieved a certain level of success in what I was doing. In fact, everything that got me to where I was involved people!

So what up with this fear of people???

Wow! Well, this one will take a few posts to unpack, that’s for sure!

Let me put a warning label/disclaimer on this series:

While I will talk about the past, and even to a degree the present, I am more and more convinced that neither past nor present make a hill of beans difference when it comes to determining my future. Nil. Zip. Nada squada.

Okay, now that that’s out there, let me tell you what I think about some sections of my childhood: They sucked. Note that I said “sections,” not my entire childhood!

I am 42 years old, and while memories of the past do creep up on me from time to time and cause this kind of “fear seizure,” all I can say is “who cares?” There will always be something.

And I’ve also come to realize that there are plenty of new and recent memories that cause the same kinds of responses in me that the old ones do, which makes me think, “hmmmmm…maybe there’s something else behind this…”

“You might ask, ‘Isn’t my identity limited by my experience?’ No, it’s limited by your interpretation of your experience. Your identity is nothing but the decisions you’ve made about who you are, what you’ve decided to fuse yourself with.”

(Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, p. 419)

Very intriguing…