“Worry is a poor use of the imagination,” I heard someone say the other day. I’ve also heard it said that worry is nothing but negative prayer.

What’s wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this?
I’m going crazy now

No more gas in the rig
Can’t even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said
Can’t even speak about it
All my life on my head
Don’t want to think about it
Feels like I’m going insane
Yeah

It’s a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
It’s too close for comfort

(From “Disturbia” by Rihanna)

“A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming.”  (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It’s like the darkness is the light

(From “Disturbia” by Rihanna)

“Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.” (Carl Sagan)

Release me from this curse I’m in
Trying to maintain
But I’m struggling

(From “Disturbia” by Rihanna)

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and understand, imagination points to all we might yet discover and create.”  (Albert Einstein)

For good or for ill, imagination is mine to wield…

Where does fear come from and what purpose does it serve? I would venture to say (and I know I’ve read it somewhere) that fear is a protective mechanism. It keeps me from doing things that could potentially hurt me or put me in danger.

So in that regard, fear is my friend.

But what about fears that stem from events in my past or from what other people have said or done to me? They seem real enough. Couldn’t they be protecting me too?

I’ve alluded a couple of times on this blog to some, er…less than stellar periods in my childhood. Kids can be cruel. Kids without restraint can be downright vicious.

Second period math class in the 7th grade was my time for fear conditioning.

Let’s see…jeering, taunting, gesturing, labeling, name-calling, full-out rejection…. That pretty much summed up what it was like every time I walked into that classroom, with really no breaks at all.

I was ever so thankful for holidays, weekends, and the summer vacation I was able to finally leave that class behind for good…

…or so I thought.

I kept the memories.

 Or maybe they kept me…

“I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” (Mark Twain)

Throughout my adulthood I’ve found my mind playing tricks on me when it’s come to these memories.

I saw many of the worst culprits from my junior high days several years ago at my 20 year high school reunion. They were so mellow they wouldn’t hurt a fly!

And yet, even after seeing these men and women in the present day, I found that the old memories still persisted, creating these imaginary fears of people and what they thought about me. 

So if in time I’ve come to realize that the traumas of my past were still in my past, what do I do in the present time?

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real 

I used to think that acronym was a little hokey until I began to understand how my imagination could work either for or against me.

What I’ve come to realize is that I have a choice when it comes to my fears, especially the ones that could stand to cripple me as I attempt to move forward.

A lot of times it involves completely blocking out the fear, ignoring it, and just doing whatever it is I have to do despite it. When I did my little exercise meeting and striking up conversations with strangers (see Identity Transformation: Using Gentle Persuasion to Change Your Beliefs) that’s what I was doing.

I’ve played various sports (basketball, volleyball, softball) for the sole purpose of learning to master my fears. I ended up having a lot of fun and picking up some new skills in the process.

Ultimately, what really happens when I face my fears is that I end up teaching myself a whole new way to be, think, and do. I become a different person.

I change.

I don’t know about you, but the moment I decide that I want to change something in my life, all of my resistance sets in.

I had a Sheltie growing up and it always cracked me up whenever I pulled her chain hard to come with me. She would always pull back. We’re talking full-out resistance and totally digging her paws in the ground so as not to budge! 

I remember times I would pull her leash hard on purpose just to watch her do it. It never failed. She would aways fight me!

The best approach was to gently coax her and lightly pull her leash. She would always go where I wanted when I handled her that way!

“As we develop new beliefs about who we are, our behavior will change to support the new identity.”

(Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, p. 416)

I firmly believe it’s possible to do almost anything I set my mind to. It’s the “setting my mind to” part that’s the most challenging! This requires cooperation and gentle coaxing with myself. The forced approach rarely works.

You see, when I set my mind to doing something new or unfamiliar, I dig my own “paws” in the ground to resist moving forward.

Several years ago I was invited to help facilitate a workshop designed to assist attendees in breaking through the things that held them back. I figured I should probably do my own homework on that subject and decided to spend the day walking around busy areas of town and practice introducing myself to and talking with strangers.

The thought of doing this practically put me in a state of paralysis.

How did I get past that? I began imagining myself meeting people and having a great experience doing it. I began developing a positive picture in my mind of what I was going to do and then I just started doing it.

I had a blast!

So what am I talking about here? My beliefs about who I am and what I can do are malleable rather than fixed. They can change.

Imagination, visualization, meditation, affirmations…these are all methods of gently coaxing my new beliefs forward until they become part of me. New behaviors are sure to follow.

Give it a try!

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you knew you had the ability to do something (be it the talent, skill, experience, etc.) but when it came time to step out and do it, you absolutely choked?

Analysis paralysis tends to be my Achilles Heel whenever I attempt to move into new, unfamiliar territory. I’d like to propose, however, that something deeper may lie at the root: an identity issue.

“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.”

(Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, p. 413)

I watched the movie, Coyote Ugly, last weekend. This young woman, an aspiring songwriter, moves to the Big Apple from a small town in New Jersey to break into the music biz as a writer.

She’s got a problem though: she refuses to sing her own material.

She’s petrified as a matter of fact. And she’s manufactured all kinds of reasons to support her belief that she CANNOT sing her own stuff - to the point where she’d be willing to surrender any lucky breaks that came her way!

Now watch…

Sigh…do I ever know what that’s like!

So what happens when you fall off your horse? According to John Maxwell, “Your own resolution to succeed counts for more than anything else.” (The Maxwell Leadership Bible, p. 910)

Hmmmmm….sounds something like having a burning desire doesn’t it? (See Building Belief with a Burning Desire to Succeed in Whatever You Set Your Mind To)

So what exactly does passion mean? I like this definition in Wikipedia:

“Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for anything and often requiring action.”

Passion couples emotion with action, the combination of which is essential to achieving success when going for any type of goal.

Removing emotion, feeling, desire, or enthusiasm from what I do makes me almost like a robot. I can work, work, work and completely burn out. There’s no spark to ignite that flame that becomes a blaze.

Removing action while keeping all the emotion makes me little more than a fan of my goals (a step above a mere spectator).

Last week I imagined myself being interviewed in the future. (See Handling Discouragement: Establishing New Goals)

Looking back from that time in the future…

What were my biggest challenges?

- Trusting myself enough to know I could accomplish what I set my mind to.

- Fearing what others thought; listening to my own “opinions” about that.

- Seeing myself as the person who could be successful at __________.

- Mañana syndrome…I can always do that tomorrow.

When did it turn for me?

- When I realized I had a purpose and a mission that involved others and went beyond myself.

- When I focused on where I was heading, rather than where I was currently at or where I had been before.

What did I do?

- I practiced looking 3, 4, and 5 steps ahead of me, instead of on that scary first step.

- I stopped questioning what others saw in me and began embracing it.

- I put others ahead of me always, focusing on how I could help them reach their goals.

- I became emotionally attached to my end result, my destination, my purpose fulfilled.

- I focused on what I could do today and then I did it.

“Your own resolution to succeed counts for more than anything else…”

Over the weekend I had dinner with a friend at a Chinese restaurant. I opened my fortune cookie today and read this message:

“You have the ability to touch the lives of many people.”

Uhhhhh…that was a clue, wasn’t it?

I was a little uncertain how to approach this topic. Since when does going after any type of goal or dream have ANYTHING to do with being realistic??

I mean, I think a lot of people (myself included!) are guilty of shrinking their goals down to doable, managable, and realistic objectives. Right? I think that’s what keeps a lot of us feeling frustrated, broke, and depressed.

So again, how does being realistic help manage disappointment on the way to achieving success?

Okaaaaaay… How about I pull out a mirror? Can I honestly look myself in the eye and say,

“You have every right to feel discouraged. You did everything you could. No one understands how hard you’ve worked for it!”

Ahhhhh… But are my expectations realistic? Are my actions in line with my commitment? Or am I really only a day dreamer, totally squeamish when my goals require effort beyond the minimum?

Sometimes discouragement is really a mask for the fear of learning something new. Say my skill level is at a 2 and I demand it to be 10 or above…yesterday…without any practice or effort. Is THAT realistic?

The following video is pretty heartbreaking to watch. I see a lot of myself in this guy, someone who is really struggling with the idea of breaking out of his own self-limiting beliefs. Bear with the minute or so of introduction…

This guy is clearly discouraged. But is he being realistic in regards to his expectations?

Or is a different level of commitment and belief required to help him reach his ultimate destination of success as a dancer?

He fought to get to this stage of the competition only to give up so quickly. It’s mind-boggling. But I’m sure we all know someone like that in our lives…

I have an alter ego. His name is Dennis.

In my post, The Before Story…The Starting Point for Change, I wrote, “there’s a side of me that seeks to sabotage any progress or accomplishments I make. It’s like a kamikaze pilot dive-bombing my life for days, weeks, and months on end if I let it.”

Well folks, that’s Dennis.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has an alter ego like Dennis. You know, the kind who lies hidden, ready to pounce when you least expect it…Ready to accuse, point a finger of blame, tell you why you can’t ______ (fill in the blank).

Taking steps of faith and completely ignoring that voice can sometimes seem impossible, but developing and consistently maintaining an empowering ritual for success can go a long way toward mastering it.

Off and on over the past several months I’ve been reading from Nathaniel Branden’s book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. While I won’t go into everything about his book in this post, at minimum I will lay out what he considers the six pillars of a healthy self-esteem:

1. The Practice of Living Consciously
2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
6. The Practice of Personal Integrity

I recently began delving into the second pillar, The Practice of Self-Acceptance. So many juicy nuggets of truth!

“Whereas self-esteem is something we experience, self-acceptance is something we do. Stated in the negative, self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself.” (p.90)

Let THAT one sink in!!! (Dennis, are ya listening???)

Not too long ago I was having a bad day and Dennis erupted out of hiding and decided to have his say. I found myself in front of a mirror, not picking myself apart, but BLASTING myself apart.

Hmmmmmm… Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself…

In times like this it is good to have developed and maintained some proper thinking habits beforehand.

Meditation, visualization, affirmations, positive self-talk…good stuff for sure.

How about feeding the good parts of myself instead of starving them?

There’s this song that came out awhile back that I really love. It’s called Let Me Take You Away by Jenn Cuneta. I scoured the internet to try to find the lyrics (fortunately they’re relatively easy to transcribe).

Let Me Take You Away is another one of those upbeat songs that I’ve included in my empowering ritual for success. I don’t know the background or exact meaning of the song, though I’m sure it’s about some kind of relationship.

On the surface the lyrics probably don’t sound very deep or meaningful. When I look in the mirror however, and tell them (or sing them Karaoke-style!) to myself, they take on a whole new, powerful meaning. 

And just to be clear, I ain’t talking to Dennis. I’m talking to that good part of me. The one who needs to be fed and to grow stronger.

(Translation for Dennis: This is an A and B conversation. You’re C. That’s short for C Ya, adios, take a hike.)

Do I sound like a nut? Certifiable for sure! :-)

My stab at the lyrics is below. I know there are spots where I’m probably totally off, but the message is still great Click here to listen to the song on Jenn’s MySpace page (a new window will open up, it’s the second song in her player).

You really have to listen and read along to the song to fully appreciate what I’m talking about!

Let Me Take You Away, Jenn Cuneta

I see you staring back at me
It’s like some crazy kind of chemistry.
You can’t disguise it.
You have that glare.
Like natural mystic floating through the air.

It doesn’t matter what you say, but what you do.
It’s true.
Your eyes are telling me you want to lose control.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Livin’ this is so much better than dreamin.’

Let me tell you the feeling that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what it is that you’re needin’.

Let me take you away.

Been working hard, everyday.
Nobody listens to a word you say.

You want your fortune, yesterday.
It’s no illusion when you’re hungry for more.

It doesn’t matter what you say, but what you do.
It’s true.
Your eyes are telling me you want to lose control.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Livin’ this is so much better than dreamin’.

Let me tell you the feelings that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what it is that you’re needin’.
Let me take you away.

Don’t look away, you gotta be strong.
Don’t be afraid, no cause for alarm.
Feel the joy in your heart, in your soul.
Lose control.

Come with me.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Livin’ this is so much better than dreamin’.

Let me tell you the feeling that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what it is that you’re needin’.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Living this is so much better than dreamin’.

Let me tell you the feeling that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what is that you’re needin’.

Let me take you away.

I admit I’m more of a Dancing with the Stars fan than an American Idol follower, so I discovered “Change” by Kimberley Locke while listening to an online club music station. There’s something about the words and the way she sings them that speaks right to me.

They lift me up.

And no wonder. Here’s what she said about the song in an interview:

“I wrote that song for the album [Based on a True Story] when I was actually at the end of a not-so-great relationship that I had been in. I was engaged to be married and it was perpetually getting worse, and by the time I wrote this song I was ready to make a change in my life, and that’s what this song is all about.

The song is about either you’re going to change and we’re going to fix this or I’m going without you and I’m making a change regardless.

Currently in my life the song has a totally different meaning because, I’m doing Celebrity Fit Club and so it’s about making a change in my life personally, just for me, moving into a different aspect of my career and taking a different outlook on my own personal life.” (Interviewed by DJ Ron Slomowicz for about.com)

It’s no wonder the song resonated with me.

Here are the lyrics:

Sorry for what I forgot to say
But you know how words get in the way baby, lately
Wasn’t strong enough to cut right through
All the red tape between me and you, baby
Time escapes me

What’s it gonna take to shake these blues
Pushing through the clouds just to get to you
Can’t hold back the storm that’s blowing through, yeah

I feel a change, babe, washing over me
I feel the rains, babe, coming to set me free
It’s a one way track, ain’t coming back
This train’s about to leave
I feel a change coming over me

Never noticed that it’s kind of strange
Same story but a different day lately, oh baby
Gotta get up, gotta change the scene
Gotta rip this page from the magazine

(I feel a change, babe) Change washing over me
(I feel the rains, babe) I feel the rains, yeah, coming to set me free
It’s a one way track, I ain’t ever coming back
(This train’s about to leave) This train’s about to leave, yeah
I feel a change coming over me, yeah

I ain’t trying to be difficult, no no
I ain’t trying to be mean
I just gotta do right now
What’s best for me, oh

(I feel a change, babe) Something’s changing, baby, deep inside of me
(I feel the rains, babe) I feel the rains coming down to set me free
(It’s a one way track) I ain’t ever going back
(This train’s about to leave) If you wanna go, baby, this train’s gonna leave
(I feel a change) There’s a change coming over me, yeah

Oh, yeah
I feel a, I feel a change coming over me
Rain washing down on me
Coming to set me free, baby
I feel a change, yeah
I feel a change, yeah
A one way track
I ain’t never coming back
This train’s about to leave, baby
I feel a change, yeah

So yes, I (David) feel a change coming over me. This train’s about to leave and head down a new track. Today I’m stepping out into some new territory and I’m a little scared. Okay. A LOT scared.

So as I listen to “Change”, adding it to my empowering ritual for success, I repeat my own personal affirmations…

- I am a Champion.

- I have a great imagination and use it to help myself and others.

- I have the means to accomplish my goals.

- I am creating a life of passion, purpose, influence, and success.

- I am fluid and at ease when meeting people.

- I have laser focus.

- I am courageous when it comes to going after what I want.

- I have amazing drive.

- I am confident in my abilities.

- I am paid for the value I give.

Several years ago I read an article by Robert G. Allen. A quote from that article has stayed with me ever since: “What if someone offered you ten million dollars to turn your life around right now? How much would it take for you to be motivated to perfect your relationships, to get in shape, to get your financial act together, to be a top salesperson, etc? What if you decided that YOU ARE THE BEFORE AND AFTER STORY?” What an intriguing

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Writing, teaching, and inspiring others have always been passions of mine, but for them to mean anything to me they have to be coming from the perspective of someone who’s walking the talk.  To me, anything short of that comes across as plain old boring, intellectual headiness.  In writing this, I’m making the assumption there’s at least someone else out there who feels the same way. So I’m figuring up a recipe I’d

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