Everyone with a sense of mission or purpose in life will probably hit a time when they question the journey. They might even reach a point where the intensity of it makes them feel like they’re losing their minds.

“Dark night of the soul” is an expression I’ve heard many times along my Christian journey. It originates from a poem of the same name written in the 16th century by a priest known as Saint John of the Cross.

I won’t get too much into the poem because I myself haven’t read it, but the premise and the meaning of the phrase is this:

We are all are capable of, and most likely will go through, periods of darkness, difficulty, confusion, etc. on our way to maturity in whatever area we are journeying through.

In the Christian sense, it’s the spiritual journey through life on earth to full union with God.

I’ve been through dark nights several times in my life and I can say that that the distinctions, understandings, and wisdom that is gained through the experience cannot be matched or gained any other way.

It’s ironic that my last post was on mastering the game of life. Unsuccessfully navigating through dark times can surely take anyone out of the game permanently…whether life, love, relationships, career, business, or any other endeavor or worthwhile pursuit.

In doing a little research into the subject of the dark night of the soul, I learned that even Mother Teresa went through a period of severe doubt…for over 50 years.

“Where is my faith? Even deep down … there is nothing but emptiness and darkness … If there be God—please forgive me. When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven, there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives and hurt my very soul … How painful is this unknown pain—I have no Faith. Repulsed, empty, no faith, no love, no zeal, … What do I labor for? If there be no God, there can be no soul. If there be no soul then, Jesus, You also are not true.”

(Mother Teresa, “Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light”)

I think the popular song “No Air” poignantly describes these feelings of emptiness that Mother Teresa describes (lyrics at the end of the post). Obviously it’s a love ballad, but also a very authentic one that I believe anyone can relate to. Just replace the object of affection with any kind of pursuit. Watch below or here.

“So how do you expect me to live alone with just me?”

It has taken me a long time to write this post. I think I started it over a month ago, shortly after I was hit pretty hard with that empty feeling. I found myself curled up in the dark, crying for who knows how long. Yep, I said it! Crying.

At the bottom of every painful, frustrating period I go through lies my true authentic self waiting to be revealed. A friend of mine used to say something to the effect that difficulties not only make character, they reveal it. That’s very profound. Oswald Chambers puts it another way:

“Sorrow removes a great deal of a person’s shallowness, but it does not always make that person better. Suffering either gives me to myself or it destroys me.”

(Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, June 25)

Underneath all the pains and struggles of life lies the person capable of handling them. These include not only hardships, but also the stretching, pruning, and weaning that accompanies the journey toward any kind of achievement, mission, goal, or purpose.

More to come…

No Air, Jordin Sparks with Chris Brown

Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air?

[Jordin]
If I should die before I wake
It’s cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air, oh

[Chris]
I’m here alone, didn’t wanna leave
My heart won’t move, it’s incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand

[Jordin]
But how
Do you expect me, to live alone with just me?
‘Cause my world revolves around you
It’s so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus-Both]
Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air?
Can’t live, can’t breathe with no air
That’s how I feel whenever you ain’t there
There’s no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon be without me?
If you ain’t here, I just can’t breathe
There’s no air, no air
No air air, No air air
No air air, No air air

[Chris]
I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew,
Right off the ground to flow to you
There’s no gravity to hold me down, for real

[Jordin]
But somehow I’m still alive inside
You took my breath but I survived
I don’t know how but I don’t even care

[Both]
So how do you expect me, to live alone with just me?
‘Cause my world revolves around you
It’s so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus-Both]
Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air?
Can’t live, can’t breathe with no air
That’s how I feel whenever you ain’t there
There’s no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon be without me?
If you ain’t here I just can’t breathe
There’s no air, no air
No air air, No air air
No air air, No air air

No more

No air

Baby

There’s no air, no air

Hey, oOoOo

Oooooooooooooh

[Chorus-Both]
Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air?
Can’t live, can’t breathe with no air
That’s how I feel whenever you ain’t there
There’s no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon be without me?
If you ain’t here I just can’t breathe
There’s no air, no air
[Jordin]
(Do you expect me, to live alone with just me
Cause my world revolves around you, It’s so hard for me to breathe)

[Both]
Tell me how I’m supposed to breath with no air?
Can’t live, can’t breathe with no air
That’s how I feel whenever you ain’t there
There’s no air, no air

[Outro-Both]
Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gonna be without me?

If you ain’t here I just can’t breathe

There’s no air, no air
No air air, No air air
No air air,

No air

I don’t know about you, but the moment I decide that I want to change something in my life, all of my resistance sets in.

I had a Sheltie growing up and it always cracked me up whenever I pulled her chain hard to come with me. She would always pull back. We’re talking full-out resistance and totally digging her paws in the ground so as not to budge! 

I remember times I would pull her leash hard on purpose just to watch her do it. It never failed. She would aways fight me!

The best approach was to gently coax her and lightly pull her leash. She would always go where I wanted when I handled her that way!

“As we develop new beliefs about who we are, our behavior will change to support the new identity.”

(Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, p. 416)

I firmly believe it’s possible to do almost anything I set my mind to. It’s the “setting my mind to” part that’s the most challenging! This requires cooperation and gentle coaxing with myself. The forced approach rarely works.

You see, when I set my mind to doing something new or unfamiliar, I dig my own “paws” in the ground to resist moving forward.

Several years ago I was invited to help facilitate a workshop designed to assist attendees in breaking through the things that held them back. I figured I should probably do my own homework on that subject and decided to spend the day walking around busy areas of town and practice introducing myself to and talking with strangers.

The thought of doing this practically put me in a state of paralysis.

How did I get past that? I began imagining myself meeting people and having a great experience doing it. I began developing a positive picture in my mind of what I was going to do and then I just started doing it.

I had a blast!

So what am I talking about here? My beliefs about who I am and what I can do are malleable rather than fixed. They can change.

Imagination, visualization, meditation, affirmations…these are all methods of gently coaxing my new beliefs forward until they become part of me. New behaviors are sure to follow.

Give it a try!

Breaking away from the pack, rising above the norm, living a life of excellence…in a world of “don’t rock the boat” complacency, acting in a manner that sets you apart can certainly draw the fire of critics.

Yep! I struggle with this one! And while I do fear the critics (keeping it honest here), the one I unfortunately heed the most is myself.

“Our sense of certainty about who we are creates the boundaries and limits within which we live.”
(Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, p. 413)

Sometimes I can be pretty opinionated over what I believe about myself and what I can do. Okay, “pretty opinionated” is a little tame. How about TONS opinionated?

When I returned from my trip to the future (see Handling Discouragement: Developing a Passion), I shared that listening to my own “opinions” about what others thought was one of the biggest challenges on my way to success.

This drive to be consistent with who I believe I am can be pretty powerful. I know that whenever I venture away from those core beliefs, not only do I feel uncertain, I feel pretty dang anxious.

“…changing ourselves - changing the essence of who we are - is perceived by most to be impossible. The common response , ‘I’m just this way,’ is a phrase that murders dreams. It carries with it the sentence of an unchangeable and permanent problem.”

(Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, p. 415)

But here’s the rub: it’s either change addresses or live a mediocre, unfulfilled, dispassionate life. Hmmmm…let me think that one over… Okay! Let’s pack it up!

I have an alter ego. His name is Dennis.

In my post, The Before Story…The Starting Point for Change, I wrote, “there’s a side of me that seeks to sabotage any progress or accomplishments I make. It’s like a kamikaze pilot dive-bombing my life for days, weeks, and months on end if I let it.”

Well folks, that’s Dennis.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has an alter ego like Dennis. You know, the kind who lies hidden, ready to pounce when you least expect it…Ready to accuse, point a finger of blame, tell you why you can’t ______ (fill in the blank).

Taking steps of faith and completely ignoring that voice can sometimes seem impossible, but developing and consistently maintaining an empowering ritual for success can go a long way toward mastering it.

Off and on over the past several months I’ve been reading from Nathaniel Branden’s book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. While I won’t go into everything about his book in this post, at minimum I will lay out what he considers the six pillars of a healthy self-esteem:

1. The Practice of Living Consciously
2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
6. The Practice of Personal Integrity

I recently began delving into the second pillar, The Practice of Self-Acceptance. So many juicy nuggets of truth!

“Whereas self-esteem is something we experience, self-acceptance is something we do. Stated in the negative, self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself.” (p.90)

Let THAT one sink in!!! (Dennis, are ya listening???)

Not too long ago I was having a bad day and Dennis erupted out of hiding and decided to have his say. I found myself in front of a mirror, not picking myself apart, but BLASTING myself apart.

Hmmmmmm… Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself…

In times like this it is good to have developed and maintained some proper thinking habits beforehand.

Meditation, visualization, affirmations, positive self-talk…good stuff for sure.

How about feeding the good parts of myself instead of starving them?

There’s this song that came out awhile back that I really love. It’s called Let Me Take You Away by Jenn Cuneta. I scoured the internet to try to find the lyrics (fortunately they’re relatively easy to transcribe).

Let Me Take You Away is another one of those upbeat songs that I’ve included in my empowering ritual for success. I don’t know the background or exact meaning of the song, though I’m sure it’s about some kind of relationship.

On the surface the lyrics probably don’t sound very deep or meaningful. When I look in the mirror however, and tell them (or sing them Karaoke-style!) to myself, they take on a whole new, powerful meaning. 

And just to be clear, I ain’t talking to Dennis. I’m talking to that good part of me. The one who needs to be fed and to grow stronger.

(Translation for Dennis: This is an A and B conversation. You’re C. That’s short for C Ya, adios, take a hike.)

Do I sound like a nut? Certifiable for sure! :-)

My stab at the lyrics is below. I know there are spots where I’m probably totally off, but the message is still great Click here to listen to the song on Jenn’s MySpace page (a new window will open up, it’s the second song in her player).

You really have to listen and read along to the song to fully appreciate what I’m talking about!

Let Me Take You Away, Jenn Cuneta

I see you staring back at me
It’s like some crazy kind of chemistry.
You can’t disguise it.
You have that glare.
Like natural mystic floating through the air.

It doesn’t matter what you say, but what you do.
It’s true.
Your eyes are telling me you want to lose control.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Livin’ this is so much better than dreamin.’

Let me tell you the feeling that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what it is that you’re needin’.

Let me take you away.

Been working hard, everyday.
Nobody listens to a word you say.

You want your fortune, yesterday.
It’s no illusion when you’re hungry for more.

It doesn’t matter what you say, but what you do.
It’s true.
Your eyes are telling me you want to lose control.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Livin’ this is so much better than dreamin’.

Let me tell you the feelings that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what it is that you’re needin’.
Let me take you away.

Don’t look away, you gotta be strong.
Don’t be afraid, no cause for alarm.
Feel the joy in your heart, in your soul.
Lose control.

Come with me.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Livin’ this is so much better than dreamin’.

Let me tell you the feeling that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what it is that you’re needin’.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Living this is so much better than dreamin’.

Let me tell you the feeling that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what is that you’re needin’.

Let me take you away.

I admit I’m more of a Dancing with the Stars fan than an American Idol follower, so I discovered “Change” by Kimberley Locke while listening to an online club music station. There’s something about the words and the way she sings them that speaks right to me.

They lift me up.

And no wonder. Here’s what she said about the song in an interview:

“I wrote that song for the album [Based on a True Story] when I was actually at the end of a not-so-great relationship that I had been in. I was engaged to be married and it was perpetually getting worse, and by the time I wrote this song I was ready to make a change in my life, and that’s what this song is all about.

The song is about either you’re going to change and we’re going to fix this or I’m going without you and I’m making a change regardless.

Currently in my life the song has a totally different meaning because, I’m doing Celebrity Fit Club and so it’s about making a change in my life personally, just for me, moving into a different aspect of my career and taking a different outlook on my own personal life.” (Interviewed by DJ Ron Slomowicz for about.com)

It’s no wonder the song resonated with me.

Here are the lyrics:

Sorry for what I forgot to say
But you know how words get in the way baby, lately
Wasn’t strong enough to cut right through
All the red tape between me and you, baby
Time escapes me

What’s it gonna take to shake these blues
Pushing through the clouds just to get to you
Can’t hold back the storm that’s blowing through, yeah

I feel a change, babe, washing over me
I feel the rains, babe, coming to set me free
It’s a one way track, ain’t coming back
This train’s about to leave
I feel a change coming over me

Never noticed that it’s kind of strange
Same story but a different day lately, oh baby
Gotta get up, gotta change the scene
Gotta rip this page from the magazine

(I feel a change, babe) Change washing over me
(I feel the rains, babe) I feel the rains, yeah, coming to set me free
It’s a one way track, I ain’t ever coming back
(This train’s about to leave) This train’s about to leave, yeah
I feel a change coming over me, yeah

I ain’t trying to be difficult, no no
I ain’t trying to be mean
I just gotta do right now
What’s best for me, oh

(I feel a change, babe) Something’s changing, baby, deep inside of me
(I feel the rains, babe) I feel the rains coming down to set me free
(It’s a one way track) I ain’t ever going back
(This train’s about to leave) If you wanna go, baby, this train’s gonna leave
(I feel a change) There’s a change coming over me, yeah

Oh, yeah
I feel a, I feel a change coming over me
Rain washing down on me
Coming to set me free, baby
I feel a change, yeah
I feel a change, yeah
A one way track
I ain’t never coming back
This train’s about to leave, baby
I feel a change, yeah

So yes, I (David) feel a change coming over me. This train’s about to leave and head down a new track. Today I’m stepping out into some new territory and I’m a little scared. Okay. A LOT scared.

So as I listen to “Change”, adding it to my empowering ritual for success, I repeat my own personal affirmations…

- I am a Champion.

- I have a great imagination and use it to help myself and others.

- I have the means to accomplish my goals.

- I am creating a life of passion, purpose, influence, and success.

- I am fluid and at ease when meeting people.

- I have laser focus.

- I am courageous when it comes to going after what I want.

- I have amazing drive.

- I am confident in my abilities.

- I am paid for the value I give.

For a long time now I’ve been intrigued by people who grow through life’s challenges instead of getting snowed under by them.  A lot of these, what I call “transformations,” look like they happened because of (or even during)

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