Love this one from John Maxwell: “When it comes to believing in themselves, some people are agnostic!” (Talent is Never Enough, p. 19)

How true!

In softball, there was one position I always hated: centerfield.

Let me repeat: I HATED IT!

The thought of never knowing when the batter would hit the ball my way…

…the anxiety of waiting…

…and then eventually seeing it fly high up in the sky and down toward me….

Yep. Usually filled me with terror.

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I was either afraid of getting hit by the ball or dropping it. With all eyes on me of course.

“During crunch time, players want the ball. Others want to hide.”

(John Maxwell, Talent is Never Enough, p. 20)

I played on a softball team for two seasons. The coach made me catcher, which was usually fine until all the bases were loaded and the stakes were in my hands. That’s when I hated the position almost as much as being in the outfield.

But one day we had a game when the head coach wasn’t there. The assistant had me play short stop and I nearly had a coronary.

However, as the game got underway, something amazing happened. I became totally juiced.

There was something about being that close, with a 95% probability that the ball (fast and furious) would come my way almost every time, that got me totally jazzed.

I WANTED to catch it. And at that point, the way I played the game totally changed. It was the biggest rush.

When the head coach returned for the next game, I fully expected to be given a shot at the new position…

It was back to catcher.

I was bummed AND ticked.

During crunch time, players want the ball…

Hmmmm…something to think about…

Perhaps at this point I should say, baseball…er…softball been very, very good to me!

Thomas Edison once said, “If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astonish ourselves.”

So why is it so hard sometimes to take that leap of faith and just do it?

Well, I’ve come to understand that as a human being, both my mind and body are incredibly adept at keeping everything in balance in accordance with my beliefs.

In fact, stress is a key signal to the body that something is off.

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“Both Eastern and Western medical sciences have long understood that maintaining natural balances is the body’s greatest priority; if the systems of the body are going to work at all, they must work together in harmony. When equilibrium is thrown off balance, the result is stress…Stress includes both the alarm responses that signal imbalance and the coping mechanisms that seek restoration of equilibrium.”

(Gerald May, Addiction & Grace - Love and Spirituality in the Healing of Addictions, p. 73)

And haven’t we all experienced stress, along with that drive to get things back to “normal?”

Last month I had a (somewhat) funny situation happen to me. I was sitting at my desk working on something when I heard a little noise by my window. I looked up and there sitting on the sill, staring right at me through the blinds was a little mouse. And yes, it was inside.

Our eyes locked for probably a minute or more. I didn’t want to move for fear it would leave the sill and come all the way into my bedroom. But as you might suspect, it eventually scampered all the way in.

Years ago I had a problem with a mouse in a previous home. All those memories came flooding back into my brain: the endless scratching noises that would keep me up at night, holes and droppings discovered throughout the house, buying and setting traps everywhere…all of which seemed to go on for a very long time.

So what was happening in me at the moment that little guy scurried into my (now) much smaller living space was nothing short of panic. Things were definitely out of balance and I wanted that creature out of my place YESTERDAY!

Traps were set and the mouse was caught within about 24 hours, but I will tell you that my entire being was in a state of alert until it was over.

While this is kind of a silly, amusing example, stress signals like this - mild to severe - typically accompany the individual who is moving into new or unfamiliar territory - whether it’s starting a new job, trying out a new sport, or learning a new skill.

And how much more so when the person is actually trying to change or develop some aspect of their identity, perhaps leaving behind old, entrenched patterns of thinking and behaving?

It’s kind of like the rubber band effect - the impulse is to snap back into the old, familiar “shape.”

Coming across someone who has brought their life to a screeching halt can be a scary thing sometimes. As human beings I firmly believe we are meant to always be moving, growing, learning, changing, and though it sounds strange, evolving.

Personally, I don’t think we’re meant to just “hang out” here, biding time through our entire existence.

I know that when I put everything on hold and ignore the signals of movement and growth that are happening inside me I can become very depressed, almost despairing.

It’s especially keen when I know and feel that it is a higher calling stirring within me.

Unfortunately, in today’s world, it is all too easy to put off, hit the snooze button, or utterly ignore those whispers of meaning and purpose that are always beckoning the human soul to its higher purpose.

There are so many distractions available, so many ways to dull the message coming toward me.

When I continually ignore the message, this other side of me manifests. Affectionately (or not so), this entity known as “Dennis” (see Self Acceptance: Building Belief in Yourself While Going for Your Dreams) comes equipped with his own beliefs, habits, imagination, and will. And subsequently, he rules as if there is no other reality.

C.S. Lewis beautifully depicts a similar manifestation in his book, “The Silver Chair.” A prince is captured by an evil queen and put under an enchantment that transforms him into a conceited, self-absorbed…jerk.

He must be bound in a chair, however, during times when the enchantment is lifted and his “right mind” comes back to him.

While under the spell, he has everyone convinced that he is who he says he is and the other, true self, is the bad guy, the one to keep bound up.

“Listen while I am master of myself. When the fit is upon me, it well may be that I shall beg and implore you, with entreaties and threatenings, to loosen my bonds…I shall call upon you by all that is most dear and most dreadful. But do not listen to me…For while I am bound you are safe. But if once I were up and out of this chair, then first would come my fury, and after that” - he shuddered - “the change into a loathsome serpent.”

(The Silver Chair, C.S. Lewis, p. 170)

One of my favorite quotes is by Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

I believe this to be both a very profound and very accurate statement.

But for the “spells” that I and many others put themselves under, there is so much that we could probably accomplish. Instead, many of us find ourselves like Ulysses in Homer’s Odyssey, in danger of crashing against the rocks by the enticing song of the Sirens that attempts to pull us away from the journey and our destiny.

Thankfully the spell lifts, the danger passes, and the right mind is returned to once again call the sojourner forward.

“Have they told you that if I am released from this chair I shall kill you and become a serpent? I see by your faces that they have. It is a lie. It is at this hour that I am in my right mind.”

(The Silver Chair, C.S. Lewis, p. 172)

I am fully capable of convincing myself and the world around me that I am someone else when I am in the “Dennis” mindset. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, he ain’t a very attractive guy. In fact, he’s a counterfeit to all that is good, true, and noble within me.

And as they say, like attracts like.

And for those who either love or hate the book and/or movie “The Secret,” this is what I’m talking about. The kids in C.S. Lewis’ book couldn’t stand the prince when he was under the spell.

There is a lot to be said for being grounded in one’s true self.

I’ve heard it said that life is like a game. People who are able to  objectively negotiate through its challenges and setbacks, as well as its successes and wins, stand to be winners…no matter how the game goes.

Sometimes the winds of life blow hard, and depending on which direction I am headed, the wind can either be at my back or practically knocking me over. Wind is wind. It does not have a personal agenda for or against me.

Let me put it a different way. Think about a traffic jam. Ugh. Chicago traffic at rush hour can be the worst, and there are times when I can really let it get to me.

But it’s not like everyone in the jam is out to make my time of driving a miserable experience. They’re all just trying to get somewhere too!

Being able to handle frustrating moments without letting them take me down is a skill I’m finding worth developing.

Going back to the game metaphor, I can choose whether life’s frustrations and hardships are a meaningless game of chance or whether they are a game that has a purpose and can be mastered through strategies that can be learned. 

Which is more empowering?

If I believe that stuff just happens to me, I can focus on the belief that life just isn’t fair and definitely not worth going after with zeal and enthusiasm. I’m a victim.

If I believe that a higher purpose may be governing the events in my life, then I stand to feel better about what is happening.

There is a verse in the Bible that I really like:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God…" (Romans 8:28)

Even if you are not of the Christian faith, this is an extremely powerful belief for anyone to employ in their life!

Seeing everything as working for me is very empowering.

Everything that happens in my life, good, bad, or indifferent, works for my good.

Mind you, I’m not talking about sugarcoating every tragedy that occurs and pasting on a fake smile to mask the pain. I’m talking about acknowledging that the things that happen in my life are not happening in a vacuum, but rather these things, when looked at over the larger scheme of time, are working together for my good.

And I won’t say that the God of this universe would be so picky as to discriminate against those who do not know, love, or believe in him, because my belief is that he is ALWAYS reaching out and speaking to people and working things out for them because that is just who he is.

Again, that’s my belief, and not everyone believes what I believe…

But let’s say we don’t even bring faith or religion or anything like that into the equation.

Holding strongly to a belief that life prepares, educates, and teaches lessons for our good, even good that may be way off into the future, can still be an extremely healthy way to engage with the things that happen in it.

I recently became acquainted with a guy who has written a memoir of his addiction to and journey out of using Crystal Meth. I’m only about 25 pages into his story, but I am amazed at this man who got caught up in this stuff, overcame it, and is now using his skills as a writer to reach other people and help them learn from HIS experience.

He is deliberately choosing not to see himself as a victim of the circumstances in his life, but rather becoming a champion for a cause that very few are willing to take up. He is very passionate about it.

History and modern times are full of examples of people like Terry. People who choose to look at their lives a little differently, taking responsibilty for the lessons learned, growing through them, and passing on the knowledge to others.  

They see calling and purpose out of the cards dealt to them.

I look at my own life. There are days when I’m like, "What is up here???" However, I’ve learned more and more to trust the process and believe that everything happens for a reason.

Hardships make me stronger. Fears develop courage. Disappointments create resolve.

There’s a popular saying I used to hear a lot when I was in sales: "Sometimes you gotta roll with the punches."

So today, I choose to treat life like a game that has a purpose…and not any old purpose…a purpose that works for my good!

The story is told of a trapeze artist who was teaching a student how to overcome his fear of performing on one of the high bars of the trapeze:

"I can’t do it! I can’t do it!" [the student] gasped. …In a reassuring tone [the instructor] told him, "Son, you can do it! And I tell you how. Throw your heart over the bar and your body will follow."

Throw your heart over the bar and your body will follow. That is such an amazing image!

I know what it’s like to be high up. A few years ago I had the opportunity to fling myself toward a trapeze bar too. It was during an exercise at a Tony Robbins event in Puerto Rico.

All of us [courageous] participants climbed these very tall poles, perched ourselves atop the skinny mounts, and leaped for the trapeze bar. Some of us fell crashing to our deaths…

(okay, that was for dramatic emphasis…remember we were all harnessed in, no one died!)

…like I was saying, some of us missed the trapeze and hung suspended by the cables.

Some chickened out and climbed back down the pole. And others went for it with all they had and grabbed that sucker.

Well, of course I grabbed it! Do you think I’d be writing this if I didn’t??? 

There was no way in heck I was heading back home with the regret of missing my opportunity to clinch that bar! (That’s me in the pics at the bottom of this post.)

I remember just seeing myself grab ahold of that bar and then I went for it. What an exhilerating feeling!

"A small amount of ability and a lot of desire will go a long way."
(Dr. Tom Massey, The ABC’s of Effective Leadership, p. 80)

This ability to see myself as being somewhere or doing something before it happens is so powerful. It is SO POWERFUL!

I’m experiencing this right now. I started this nightly ritual of taking an evening shower before heading off to bed.

I have a visualization of my perfect day laminated and stuck on the shower wall. It details the things I want to feel and do when I wake up, the people I want to meet and connect with throughout the day, and the types of results and successes I want to experience.

I read this visualization while I’m relaxing in the shower and just let my imagination flow.

Then I go to bed.

Then I wake up.

And I do it again! I take a morning shower and read the same visualization. Thoughts and ideas come to me and I feel all this courage to take action on what I see in my imagination.

And I take action.

This has been so much fun.

Wait. Fun isn’t strong enough!

It’s exciting, thrilling, energizing!! It’s self-perpetuating, growing, and compounding.

I step out in one area I imagine, and I get a flood of new ideas, desires, and thoughts of other things I can be doing.

And my belief in myself sky-rockets.

"We are either the masters or the victims of our attitudes. It is a matter of personal choice. Who we are today is the result of choices made yesterday. Tomorrow we will become what we choose today. To change means to choose to change."

(John Maxwell, The Winning Attitude, p. 145)

So I continue to climb that pole and leap for the bar.

And I’m doing it before my body ever reaches it!

Children have such wonderful imaginations. Get around a little kid for awhile and you will inevitably get the sense that anything is possible for them…at all of 5, 6, 7 years old!

They are teachers, firefighters, policemen, soldiers, presidents, celebrities. Their imaginations are usually completely unbridled! And they usually have no fear either. They will try and do just about anything. They exhibit amazing confidence and determination until…

Ahhhhh, yes. Until.

Until the adult world begins to squeeze them into that teeny, weeny constrictive box. Their dreams become systematically dismantled. They hear the word "no" over and over again. They become ridiculed for their goals of wanting to be, do, and become more.

In essence: They become adults.

It’s sad but true. Fear overcomes faith. Reality replaces dreams. Mediocre becomes the highest standard for earning the measliest of raises.

But what happened to that childlike imagination? What happened to believing we could become whoever we wanted to be?

I will be bold as to say it never went away. It lies in all us, albeit dormant for many.

I sincerely believe everyone was brought into the world for a reason. Each of us has unique abilities that were meant to be contributed for the betterment of the world around us. I am a man of faith, so I believe that God put me here for a reason and that he has prepared specific things for me to do.

But for all the reasons I am writing this blog, I have my "hang-ups," the adult issues of living in a world where it isn’t always cool to think so differently from your neighbor, rock the boat, or trip up the status quo. You can read about some of my challenges in The Before Story…The Starting Point for Change.

So what to do…

How about getting back to dreaming and imagining like a child? Afterall, that ability never went away, though it may take some coaxing to come back for some.

I’ve been talking about affirmations, self-declarations, "I Am" statements, and the like. I guess to be brutally honest, it comes down to being like a kid again.

Who cares if whatever you’re declaring isn’t happening now? It could, couldn’t it?

Who cares if I’m not that kind of person today? I could be someday, couldn’t I?

And if I or anyone else is living a mediocre or unfulfilled existence right now, then isn’t it possible to believe that the only way is up??? Or would is it bettter to go down a few more levels until we’re six feet under?

So, I am now entering the Dream Zone. Yes, DREAM. As in IMAGINATION.

Here’s who I am…

I am creative.
I am an entrepreneur.
I am a man with a mission.
I am a man discoving his purpose.
I am a communicator.
I am a networker.
I am an artist.
I am a wordsmith.
I am an influencer.
I am a child of God.
I am growing.
I am determined.
I am courageous.
I am confident.
I am a leader.

When I look up my name in the dictionary I see:

"A man determined to overcome all odds to fulfill his mission and purpose in life. Bright, energetic, and highly creative. A person of great influence. A leader. Courageous and willing to go after whatever he wants no matter how difficult."

Many affirmations are declarations of what is already true, but perhaps forgotten or buried under years of neglect. Other affirmations are declarations of attributes that are sought after.

And if the world has beaten the dreamer out of any of us, many affirmations could very well be the bridge back to who we were destined to become when we were placed on this planet in the first place.

I am only limited by the scope of my imagination.

So dream, and dream BIG.

When it comes to changing myself, it is my core beliefs - the ones that are central to who I am as a person - that really need to be addressed. Attempting to change myself without looking at the beliefs I hold inside is like having all the lines memorized but delivering the performance without any connection to the part that’s being played.

My favorite summer TV show is So You Think You Can Dance. There are some great dancers competing on the show, but every season there are a handful of dancers who, though they have amazing technical skills, really struggle when it comes to letting their feelings and emotions come through the dance. The judges will often comment that they had a hard time believing the performance because they could not feel anything coming from the dancers.

It’s one thing to believe something in my head. It’s quite another thing to believe it in my heart.

So how do I get to that place? How about my subconscious mind…

"Many names have been used to distinguish the two functions of the mind. These include…the conscious and the subconscious mind…

"A wonderful way to begin getting to know the two functions of your mind is to think of it as a garden.

"You are the gardener. You are planting seeds of thought in your subconscious mind all day long…

"Imagine your subconscious mind as a bed of rich soil that will help all kinds of seeds to sprout and flourish, whether good or bad." (Joseph Murphy, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind, p. 6)

I think this paints such a great picture of the possibilities.

The choice of what kind of seed I spread over my subconscious mind is really up to me. I don’t know about you, but I’m always telling myself things throughout the day.

When I beat myself up continually, I stand to reap a harvest of weeds.

But when I focus on the positive, where I’m headed, the areas I want to change, well then, I stand to produce a nice crop of empowering beliefs.

Most times when I repeat or meditate on my affirmations I really do feel as though something is being planted in me. It’s the oddest thing.

…to be continued again!

I’m wondering if anyone who read yesterday’s post thought I’d let that childhood "I am nothing…I am nobody" declaration slip by without further discussion… Nah!

I’ve often wondered about that little childhood mis-affirmation. It does seem kind of strange that at such a young age I was saying such things. I won’t dissect the psychology of it, but I will say that it shows (for some of us) that even the wackiest of beliefs can be set in us at an early age.

Listen to this insight about the circus elephant…

"While still young and weak, an elephant is tied by a heavy chain to an immovable iron stake. He discovers that, no matter how hard he tries, he cannot break the chain or move the stake.

"Then, no matter how large and strong the elephant becomes, he continues to believe he cannot move as long as he sees the stake in the ground beside him.  

"Many intelligent adults behave like the circus elephant. They are restrained in thought, action and results. They never move further than the boundaries of self-imposed limitation." (John Maxwell, The Winning Attitude, p. 81)

Raising the level of my self image takes consistent, persistent work, but I can still adopt new beliefs about myself immediately. Nothing stops me from doing that (check out a cool post from Craig Harper about that here).

It’s the continual working out of those beliefs in me that causes them to grow so that what’s on the outside matches what’s on the inside.

So change, being an inside job, requires a whole new way of thinking. I like what the Bible says about it (okay, here I go again with another verse, but Jesus came up with a good analogy for this one…so I’m puttin’ it in here!):

"Nor do people put new wine into old wineskins; otherwise the wineskins burst, and the wine pours out and the wineskins are ruined; but they put new wine into fresh wineskins, and both are preserved." 
(Matthew 9:17)

Tony Robbins says something similar:

"If you’ve repeatedly attempted to make a particular change in your life, only to continually fall short, invariably the challenge is that you were trying to create a behavioral or emotional shift that was inconsistent with your belief about who you are." (Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, p. 417)

To be continued…again.

While I grew up an only kid, I was fortunate to have lots and lots of cousins (my dad had nine brothers and sisters). To this day a group of my older cousins still kid me about what I told them once when they asked me who I was. I couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6 years old at the time.

Apparently I told them, "Nothing." As in, "I am nothing, I am nobody."

I still don’t remember this but my cousins insist that’s what I told them. And it must have made an impression because it almost always comes up at every family gathering.

I’m sure you’ve been to a meeting, party, restaurant, business function, etc. where inevitably the question gets asked, "What do you do?"

Does anyone really even say what they do? It’s more something like, "I’m a project manager." "I’m a teacher." "I’m a business consultant." 

For the person who isn’t particularly proud of what they do, it can be an awkward moment. It might come out something like…

"I’m just a _________."

It can be equally awkward (or overwhelming, depending on your perspective) for the person who’s listening, because they might just be scratching their head wondering just what "________" is.

I’m an amateur when it comes to psychology, but I kind of have a hunch that declarations of who we are as individuals can be frought with a fair amount of anxiety or discomfort, regardless of whether we have high or low opinions of ourselves.

For the person who doesn’t feel good about themselves, the "who am I" question can be feel a little embarrassing. All the better to slap a quick job title on themselves and call it a day.

For the person who feels great about themselves and wants to let the whole world know, well, they can be received with suspicion, a kind of "who do you think you are?" attitude. They could even be seen as downright arrogant.

A good, healthy self image in some circles (and I hate to say it, but religious circles come to mind), could be frowned upon as pride. And while this can be a fine line sometimes, there are ample examples in the Bible where a good self image, self love, or self acceptance is encouraged. This verse comes to mind (my apologies to non-Bible readers…I happen to come from a Christian background!):

"…The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no greater commandment than these." (Mark 12:31)

Over the past several months I’ve really challenged myself to take a look at who I am. For many, many years I allowed the labels of my childhood to shape me. I would even admit that I’ve allowed people in recent years to tell me who I am.

But in the quiet of my heart I’ve always known I was meant for more. I’ve felt it. When I’ve taken steps toward that destiny, I’ve often pulled myself back out of fear (see Identity Crisis: When Beliefs Clash with Capabilities to get an idea of what I mean).

To be continued…

Confidence. There’s something about having it that makes people want to believe you, follow you, trust you. People who know who they are and where they’re headed are like magnets. They have a sense of certainty that draws others into their belief.

Have you ever walked down a grocery aisle looking for something and stopped to ask a clerk where you could find it? Now, if they said “Ummm…I think it’s in aisle 9…” how certain would you feel about walking all the way down to aisle 9 if you were in aisle 2?

Ever find yourself lost and decided to pull over at a gas station to ask for help? What if the attendant said something like,

“Well…I’m new in town, but I think if you just turn left at the corner over there, you should be heading in the right direction.”

How confident would you feel about turning left at the corner?

There are, however, people who speak with such certainty, such confidence, that I can’t help but believe they are completely knowledgeable in whatever it is they are conveying to me - whether opinions, expertise, or heck, even directions to the next town!

Now here’s the interesting thing, they could have all the confidence in the world and STILL not know what they’re talking about!!! In fact, I can think of a handful of individuals over the course of my life who have had that level of confidence…and in restrospect, they knew SQUAT.

Now here’s what I’m really trying to say…

If I am prone to question or perhaps even blow off someone who lacks confidence in something on the one hand and completely believe or trust someone who has a ton of certainty about a subject on the other hand (whether they do or don’t know what they’re talking about is irrelevant), what if…

WHAT IF…I developed confidence about something to such a degree that I believed whatever I told myself about it?

And what if that confidence was in something about myself…an ability, a quality, a character trait.

What if it was a confidence IN myself? Forget about the subject.

Hmmmmm…something to think about…