Ever wish you could go back in time and do something over, differently, or maybe not at all? I know I have.

“Failure is an opportunity to begin again, but more intelligently.”

John Maxwell

And hindsight has 20/20 vision…

As human beings we have the great and magnificent ability to learn from our mistakes. So like it or not, failing, falling down, screwing up…it’s all part of the learning experience.

But what about this notion of time travel? I mean seriously, why not fix ourselves that way?

Hey now…I’m serious!

I may not be able to go back in time, but I can sure go forward…in my imagination.

I was inspired recently by an article I read in my health club’s fitness magazine. It was about a book called “Five Wishes: How Answering One Simple Question Can Make Your Dreams Come True.”

I haven’t read the book, but I found the article about it extremely helpful. Here’s a snip…

“Imagine looking back on your life from your deathbed and identifying the important things that might have kept your experience in this lifetime from being a complete, totally satisfying experience…translate each major regret (’I wish I had experienced A or accomplished B or not screwed up C’) into a positive, powerful, present-tense statement - a statement that would be true, assuming you created successes in the areas you currently feel lacking. For example: “My life is a total success because I have experienced A, or I am enjoying B, or I have come to understand C.”

Pilar Gerasimo, “No Show, No Glow”
Experience Life Magazine, p. 12

This past week I pictured myself being interviewed in the future. I was at the height of success and people wanted to know how I achieved it:

1. What were my biggest challenges?
2. When did things turn around for me?
3. What did I do?

When I finished I felt like I’d come off of a mountaintop somewhere. My vision was clearer and I felt like I understood my purpose better.

And I had a greater sense of what steps I needed to take to ensure I was answering those same questions the same way in the future.

I will share the answers in my next post about developing a passion…

In regards to Handling Discouragement on the Way to Success, I like John Maxwell’s advice so much that I’m gonna stay on this topic for a little bit and begin unpacking what it means. Let’s start with…

Rising above self-pity.

Okay, I’ll raise my hand again and admit I’ve spent more time in the crying closet than I would really care to admit. Grieving is okay and definitely vital to moving on. But when the focus continues to revolve around me, my problems, why I can’t get a break, why it’s not fair…yadda, yadda, yadda…well, that gets old very fast.

I read a great definition of self-pity on Wikipedia:

“Self-pity is a psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor ability to cope with it. It is characterized by a person’s belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence.”

Condolence is an interesting word. I tend to think of condolence in regards to sending expressions of sympathy to someone who has lost a loved one. You send condolences to the family of someone who has died or to someone who has experienced some type of severe tragedy.

But can you imagine sending condolences to someone who stubbed their toe, had their cable TV go on the fritz, or can’t pay their credit card bill? I mean, doesn’t that sound a little silly, maybe a little over the top?

Tony Robbins writes…

“…it’s never the environment; it’s never the events of our lives, but the meaning we attach to the events - how we interpret them - that shapes who we are today and who we’ll become tomorrow. Beliefs are what make the difference between a lifetime of joyous contribution and one of misery and devastation.”

(Awaken the Giant Within, p. 74)

I really do believe that both the amount and the kind of meaning that gets attached to the events, circumstances, situations, etc. of our lives can either cause us to soar above self-pity or wallow in its mire.

And what mire it can be. Icky, gooey, smelly, depressing mire that usually everyone BUT the pitiful individual can see a mile away.

Like a pig in a pen…

Here are some things I’ve done to move away from self-pity when I’m starting to feel pulled in by it:

1. Start thinking up solutions. What can I do to make the most of this situation, turn it around, educate myself better about it, etc?

2. Pull out my journal and start writing down things I’m thankful for.

3. Do something good for myself. Cook a good meal, write my blog, exercise, listen to great music, invite a friend for coffee, etc.

4. Congratulate myself on little accomplishments. I like checklists and on more than one occasion have written down easy, little things like “make my bed,” “brush my teeth,” etc. because they are no-brainers. When I feel I’m not accomplishing anything for the day, these make for easy successes. (Hey now…I know someone out there will appreciate this little bit of wisdom!!!)

5. Take a nap. Like a cranky baby, sometimes all I need is a little rest!

I have an alter ego. His name is Dennis.

In my post, The Before Story…The Starting Point for Change, I wrote, “there’s a side of me that seeks to sabotage any progress or accomplishments I make. It’s like a kamikaze pilot dive-bombing my life for days, weeks, and months on end if I let it.”

Well folks, that’s Dennis.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has an alter ego like Dennis. You know, the kind who lies hidden, ready to pounce when you least expect it…Ready to accuse, point a finger of blame, tell you why you can’t ______ (fill in the blank).

Taking steps of faith and completely ignoring that voice can sometimes seem impossible, but developing and consistently maintaining an empowering ritual for success can go a long way toward mastering it.

Off and on over the past several months I’ve been reading from Nathaniel Branden’s book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. While I won’t go into everything about his book in this post, at minimum I will lay out what he considers the six pillars of a healthy self-esteem:

1. The Practice of Living Consciously
2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
6. The Practice of Personal Integrity

I recently began delving into the second pillar, The Practice of Self-Acceptance. So many juicy nuggets of truth!

“Whereas self-esteem is something we experience, self-acceptance is something we do. Stated in the negative, self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself.” (p.90)

Let THAT one sink in!!! (Dennis, are ya listening???)

Not too long ago I was having a bad day and Dennis erupted out of hiding and decided to have his say. I found myself in front of a mirror, not picking myself apart, but BLASTING myself apart.

Hmmmmmm… Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself…

In times like this it is good to have developed and maintained some proper thinking habits beforehand.

Meditation, visualization, affirmations, positive self-talk…good stuff for sure.

How about feeding the good parts of myself instead of starving them?

There’s this song that came out awhile back that I really love. It’s called Let Me Take You Away by Jenn Cuneta. I scoured the internet to try to find the lyrics (fortunately they’re relatively easy to transcribe).

Let Me Take You Away is another one of those upbeat songs that I’ve included in my empowering ritual for success. I don’t know the background or exact meaning of the song, though I’m sure it’s about some kind of relationship.

On the surface the lyrics probably don’t sound very deep or meaningful. When I look in the mirror however, and tell them (or sing them Karaoke-style!) to myself, they take on a whole new, powerful meaning. 

And just to be clear, I ain’t talking to Dennis. I’m talking to that good part of me. The one who needs to be fed and to grow stronger.

(Translation for Dennis: This is an A and B conversation. You’re C. That’s short for C Ya, adios, take a hike.)

Do I sound like a nut? Certifiable for sure! :-)

My stab at the lyrics is below. I know there are spots where I’m probably totally off, but the message is still great Click here to listen to the song on Jenn’s MySpace page (a new window will open up, it’s the second song in her player).

You really have to listen and read along to the song to fully appreciate what I’m talking about!

Let Me Take You Away, Jenn Cuneta

I see you staring back at me
It’s like some crazy kind of chemistry.
You can’t disguise it.
You have that glare.
Like natural mystic floating through the air.

It doesn’t matter what you say, but what you do.
It’s true.
Your eyes are telling me you want to lose control.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Livin’ this is so much better than dreamin.’

Let me tell you the feeling that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what it is that you’re needin’.

Let me take you away.

Been working hard, everyday.
Nobody listens to a word you say.

You want your fortune, yesterday.
It’s no illusion when you’re hungry for more.

It doesn’t matter what you say, but what you do.
It’s true.
Your eyes are telling me you want to lose control.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Livin’ this is so much better than dreamin’.

Let me tell you the feelings that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what it is that you’re needin’.
Let me take you away.

Don’t look away, you gotta be strong.
Don’t be afraid, no cause for alarm.
Feel the joy in your heart, in your soul.
Lose control.

Come with me.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Livin’ this is so much better than dreamin’.

Let me tell you the feeling that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what it is that you’re needin’.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Living this is so much better than dreamin’.

Let me tell you the feeling that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what is that you’re needin’.

Let me take you away.

This can be a tough one, especially if you’re an analytical thinker like me.

How do you really set your mind in a way that’s lined up with that burning desire? What is burning desire anyway?

A few clues from Becoming Unstoppable by Ruben Gonzalez:

Belief…

“Belief is the driving force, the power behind all great accomplishments…Once you believe, you are ready to commit to taking action.”

Burning Desire…

“You have to have a dream - something you’re shooting for…How badly you want it will determine whether you’ll realize your dream because how bad you want it determines what will make you quit.”

Hmmmm…

Which came first…the chicken or the egg…belief or burning desire?

For an overly analytical person this could be a real nightmare, but I believe it takes faith in something completely unseen to make that kind of leap in your mind…the kind where the two (belief and burning desire) are not linear, but really free-form.

It’s like planting a seed in the ground. You have no idea if it will grow into anything. You just take it on faith (and sometimes someone else’s word) that it will.

Let’s take this empowering ritual for success. Who’s to say that it will work? That’s kind of tricky: if you stop, you certainly will never know. If you continue, well, you could know…maybe.

It’s like praying for something. You might never know if, when, or how the prayer was answered. You could know, but you have to be okay with perhaps not knowing. The prayer itself doesn’t hurt…just like telling yourself something that’s good or positive doesn’t hurt either.

Again, this could drive an overly analytical person crazy. But when the results start happening, who’s to say the beliefs, the desire, the ritual for success aren’t working?

While I think I’ve probably raised more questions than I’ve answered, I also feel (personally) great relief that having all the answers isn’t necessary. Taking the actions that build both the belief and the burning desire are.

And those truly are steps of faith.

“Sow a thought, reap a habit; sow a habit; reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.”

I’m not sure who said this for sure. One source I checked attributed it to Charles Reade. Another to Anonymous. Regardless, it’s good stuff and a great place to pick up where I left off.

Ahhhh, yes. Where I left off. Days ago.

The P&P Twins struck again…Procrastination and Perfectionism.

I’m back and this time I decided to pick an anchor

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