Pardon my procrastination over tackling the topic of separating self worth from performance. Of the 10 ways of handling discouragement on the way to success, this hits veeeeery close to home.

This one probably takes the most mental discipline too.

I am currently working on a plan and schedule for a business enterprise. I see everything in my mind and have gone so far as to write out several things in the form of goals and action steps.

But I haven’t gotten everything out the way I see it in my mind and I feel a little frustrated by that. Even with the few steps I have taken, I still find I’m judging myself pretty harshly.

Some of this just ties into learning to be realistic (see Handling Discouragement: Being Realistic).

But the other component ties into this concept of learning to separate self worth from performance.

Let’s face it, we’ve all been taught since an early age that positive performance gets rewarded, whether it’s good grades in school, sales from a presentation, or a promotion during a review.

But whether I do or don’t accomplish a goal, who I am at the core and my value as an individual never changes. I’m a human being, not a human doing.

I can’t increase my worth through achievement and I can’t take it away by non-achievement.

So what can I change? How about the level of my self-image, my self-esteem?

“High self-esteem seeks the challenge and stimulation of worthwhile and demanding goals.”

(Nathaniel Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, p. 6)

Instead of attempting to grab meaning, purpose, value, etc. from external cues (approval, love, acceptance, etc. for performance…much, if not all, is out of my control anyhow), I can grab it from the inside by the things I tell myself.

(For more on self talk, see Developing an Empowering Ritual - A Building Block for Transformation)

Ever wish you could go back in time and do something over, differently, or maybe not at all? I know I have.

“Failure is an opportunity to begin again, but more intelligently.”

John Maxwell

And hindsight has 20/20 vision…

As human beings we have the great and magnificent ability to learn from our mistakes. So like it or not, failing, falling down, screwing up…it’s all part of the learning experience.

But what about this notion of time travel? I mean seriously, why not fix ourselves that way?

Hey now…I’m serious!

I may not be able to go back in time, but I can sure go forward…in my imagination.

I was inspired recently by an article I read in my health club’s fitness magazine. It was about a book called “Five Wishes: How Answering One Simple Question Can Make Your Dreams Come True.”

I haven’t read the book, but I found the article about it extremely helpful. Here’s a snip…

“Imagine looking back on your life from your deathbed and identifying the important things that might have kept your experience in this lifetime from being a complete, totally satisfying experience…translate each major regret (’I wish I had experienced A or accomplished B or not screwed up C’) into a positive, powerful, present-tense statement - a statement that would be true, assuming you created successes in the areas you currently feel lacking. For example: “My life is a total success because I have experienced A, or I am enjoying B, or I have come to understand C.”

Pilar Gerasimo, “No Show, No Glow”
Experience Life Magazine, p. 12

This past week I pictured myself being interviewed in the future. I was at the height of success and people wanted to know how I achieved it:

1. What were my biggest challenges?
2. When did things turn around for me?
3. What did I do?

When I finished I felt like I’d come off of a mountaintop somewhere. My vision was clearer and I felt like I understood my purpose better.

And I had a greater sense of what steps I needed to take to ensure I was answering those same questions the same way in the future.

I will share the answers in my next post about developing a passion…

I took a telecourse last weekend called The Art and Science of Achieving Your Goals and Dreams. Part of my pre-course homework involved writing a life purpose statement, as well as a vision statement for my life (what my life would be like living at the peak of success and the achievement of my goals and dreams). I will share them both.

Purpose

“The purpose of my life is to learn and grow, inspiring others along the way, and showing them they too can do the same.”

Vision

“I am living a life of complete emotional freedom. I love myself and others freely and unconditionally. I have learned to master my thoughts and emotions in such a way that I’ve come to trust and honor myself and my abilities at a whole new level. I can state a goal and know I will reach it because I am congruent and honor my promises to myself. I accept all learning curves and have learned to be patient with myself and others as a result.

The aforementioned emotional freedom has enabled me to move into financial freedom. I am free to ask and receive. I can hold an intention with complete faith because I know it will come to pass. This has enabled me to exceed my financial targets. I am attracting money, business, and partnerships at increasing levels of speed and earn in excess of $________K a year.”

I launched this blog to find, reach out to, and connect with others on this level. I know there is great power to be found in accountability and I’ve already seen how some of you out there have been awakened to your own dreams and goals and have gotten that extra push to take your own steps of faith.

So with that said, “you know who” paid me a visit this week. Yes, that would be “Dennis.” (Refer to Self Acceptance: Building Belief in Yourself While Going for Your Dreams to learn more about him!) I had been working toward a particular financial goal over the past couple of years and had somewhat of a setback in relation to it a few days ago.

These things happen.

Of the myriad reactions I had building in me, one of the more healthy responses was to talk about it here. After all, this is the before, during, and after story. In doing so I live out my chosen purpose in the present, and set the stage for achieving my vision in the future.

Even though what happened sucks (I won’t go into details yet), it’s pretty cool to realize it’s still working in my favor!

At some point faith always gets tested. Holding the course, especially during moments of discouragement, is the key to getting to the other side.

Can I hear an Amen?