“Worry is a poor use of the imagination,” I heard someone say the other day. I’ve also heard it said that worry is nothing but negative prayer.

What’s wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this?
I’m going crazy now

No more gas in the rig
Can’t even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said
Can’t even speak about it
All my life on my head
Don’t want to think about it
Feels like I’m going insane
Yeah

It’s a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
It’s too close for comfort

(From “Disturbia” by Rihanna)

“A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming.”  (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It’s like the darkness is the light

(From “Disturbia” by Rihanna)

“Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.” (Carl Sagan)

Release me from this curse I’m in
Trying to maintain
But I’m struggling

(From “Disturbia” by Rihanna)

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and understand, imagination points to all we might yet discover and create.”  (Albert Einstein)

For good or for ill, imagination is mine to wield…

Where does fear come from and what purpose does it serve? I would venture to say (and I know I’ve read it somewhere) that fear is a protective mechanism. It keeps me from doing things that could potentially hurt me or put me in danger.

So in that regard, fear is my friend.

But what about fears that stem from events in my past or from what other people have said or done to me? They seem real enough. Couldn’t they be protecting me too?

I’ve alluded a couple of times on this blog to some, er…less than stellar periods in my childhood. Kids can be cruel. Kids without restraint can be downright vicious.

Second period math class in the 7th grade was my time for fear conditioning.

Let’s see…jeering, taunting, gesturing, labeling, name-calling, full-out rejection…. That pretty much summed up what it was like every time I walked into that classroom, with really no breaks at all.

I was ever so thankful for holidays, weekends, and the summer vacation I was able to finally leave that class behind for good…

…or so I thought.

I kept the memories.

 Or maybe they kept me…

“I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” (Mark Twain)

Throughout my adulthood I’ve found my mind playing tricks on me when it’s come to these memories.

I saw many of the worst culprits from my junior high days several years ago at my 20 year high school reunion. They were so mellow they wouldn’t hurt a fly!

And yet, even after seeing these men and women in the present day, I found that the old memories still persisted, creating these imaginary fears of people and what they thought about me. 

So if in time I’ve come to realize that the traumas of my past were still in my past, what do I do in the present time?

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real 

I used to think that acronym was a little hokey until I began to understand how my imagination could work either for or against me.

What I’ve come to realize is that I have a choice when it comes to my fears, especially the ones that could stand to cripple me as I attempt to move forward.

A lot of times it involves completely blocking out the fear, ignoring it, and just doing whatever it is I have to do despite it. When I did my little exercise meeting and striking up conversations with strangers (see Identity Transformation: Using Gentle Persuasion to Change Your Beliefs) that’s what I was doing.

I’ve played various sports (basketball, volleyball, softball) for the sole purpose of learning to master my fears. I ended up having a lot of fun and picking up some new skills in the process.

Ultimately, what really happens when I face my fears is that I end up teaching myself a whole new way to be, think, and do. I become a different person.

I change.

Early last year I attended a meeting for entrepreneurs and business owners in the Chicago area. At one point the moderator asked each of us to identify what we were afraid of. I honestly can’t remember anyone else’s answer, but I sure do remember mine: People.

Now mind you, many of these individuals had known me for several years and I could tell by the looks on their faces that they were a little in disbelief as to what I just said.

To those who know me, I appear to be an outgoing individual. I’m the guy who LOVES karaoke! And many of the people in the room that day had come to know me as someone who had already achieved a certain level of success in what I was doing. In fact, everything that got me to where I was involved people!

So what up with this fear of people???

Wow! Well, this one will take a few posts to unpack, that’s for sure!

Let me put a warning label/disclaimer on this series:

While I will talk about the past, and even to a degree the present, I am more and more convinced that neither past nor present make a hill of beans difference when it comes to determining my future. Nil. Zip. Nada squada.

Okay, now that that’s out there, let me tell you what I think about some sections of my childhood: They sucked. Note that I said “sections,” not my entire childhood!

I am 42 years old, and while memories of the past do creep up on me from time to time and cause this kind of “fear seizure,” all I can say is “who cares?” There will always be something.

And I’ve also come to realize that there are plenty of new and recent memories that cause the same kinds of responses in me that the old ones do, which makes me think, “hmmmmm…maybe there’s something else behind this…”

“You might ask, ‘Isn’t my identity limited by my experience?’ No, it’s limited by your interpretation of your experience. Your identity is nothing but the decisions you’ve made about who you are, what you’ve decided to fuse yourself with.”

(Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, p. 419)

Very intriguing…

I don’t know about you, but the moment I decide that I want to change something in my life, all of my resistance sets in.

I had a Sheltie growing up and it always cracked me up whenever I pulled her chain hard to come with me. She would always pull back. We’re talking full-out resistance and totally digging her paws in the ground so as not to budge! 

I remember times I would pull her leash hard on purpose just to watch her do it. It never failed. She would aways fight me!

The best approach was to gently coax her and lightly pull her leash. She would always go where I wanted when I handled her that way!

“As we develop new beliefs about who we are, our behavior will change to support the new identity.”

(Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, p. 416)

I firmly believe it’s possible to do almost anything I set my mind to. It’s the “setting my mind to” part that’s the most challenging! This requires cooperation and gentle coaxing with myself. The forced approach rarely works.

You see, when I set my mind to doing something new or unfamiliar, I dig my own “paws” in the ground to resist moving forward.

Several years ago I was invited to help facilitate a workshop designed to assist attendees in breaking through the things that held them back. I figured I should probably do my own homework on that subject and decided to spend the day walking around busy areas of town and practice introducing myself to and talking with strangers.

The thought of doing this practically put me in a state of paralysis.

How did I get past that? I began imagining myself meeting people and having a great experience doing it. I began developing a positive picture in my mind of what I was going to do and then I just started doing it.

I had a blast!

So what am I talking about here? My beliefs about who I am and what I can do are malleable rather than fixed. They can change.

Imagination, visualization, meditation, affirmations…these are all methods of gently coaxing my new beliefs forward until they become part of me. New behaviors are sure to follow.

Give it a try!

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you knew you had the ability to do something (be it the talent, skill, experience, etc.) but when it came time to step out and do it, you absolutely choked?

Analysis paralysis tends to be my Achilles Heel whenever I attempt to move into new, unfamiliar territory. I’d like to propose, however, that something deeper may lie at the root: an identity issue.

“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.”

(Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, p. 413)

I watched the movie, Coyote Ugly, last weekend. This young woman, an aspiring songwriter, moves to the Big Apple from a small town in New Jersey to break into the music biz as a writer.

She’s got a problem though: she refuses to sing her own material.

She’s petrified as a matter of fact. And she’s manufactured all kinds of reasons to support her belief that she CANNOT sing her own stuff - to the point where she’d be willing to surrender any lucky breaks that came her way!

Now watch…

Sigh…do I ever know what that’s like!