A lot of people (myself included) tend to define themselves in terms of their personal history: successes and failures, achievements and setbacks, education, family, relationships, jobs, etc. 

Admittedly, the nature of time and my own physical body provide a pretty compelling argument that who I am today, indeed all that I am, is soley the culmination of my past and present. What else is there?

But lately I’ve come to realize there’s more to it than that.

If I go with the premise that yesterday and today is all there is, then life (for me at least) would be truly meaningless.

However, coming from both a spiritual and Christian perspective, I believe that all human beings have an eternal nature to them and therefore simultaneously exist in the future as well. 

Taking it a step further to account for this future true and eternal self opens a multitude of possibilities.

This concept is something I’ve been resisting for quite some time too. “Resisting” sounds a little weak. I’ve been pretty much fighting against the notion.

Whatever the reason, my defenses have been pretty strong. It probably means there is something really important on the other side of that wall.

But while my defenses are strong, I kind of doubt that storming or blasting the wall away is the answer. Truthfully, I think all that’s required is to just plain ‘ole walk through the wall.

Translation: it’s a faith transaction rather than an intellectual one.

I’ve had a handful of moments over the past several months where I’ve gotten an inkling of what’s on the other side of the wall.

I remember a couple of times when this feeling of peace came out of nowhere. I had the impression that no matter how the story looked at the present time, the ending was still good. I wasn’t reading or doing anything at the moment that would have triggered that feeling. It literally came out of the blue.

While those felt like “God” moments, there were other times where the impression felt less like God and more like, well, me. And this is where it might sound a little weird. It wasn’t me today, but me somewhere in the future…the future on the other side of that wall…if I chose to walk through it in faith.

I’m going to segway a little with an insight that Tony Robbins gives in regards to the art of race car driving:

“The number-one fundamental they teach in driving is: Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear…Drivers know that you go where you look; you travel the direction of your focus. If you resist your fear, have faith, and focus on where you want to go, your actions will take you in that direction.”
(Awaken the Giant Within, p. 161)

A number of years ago I attended a seminar where I had the opportunity to break a board with my bare hand. The key to breaking it, however, was not found in physical strength or sheer will power. It was in quietly first seeing (in my mind’s eye) my hand go through the board, and then just doing it.

Everyone who tried to break the board through brute strength failed, to the point where some even hurt themselves.

Focusing on the wall, the barrier, the fear…this doesn’t seem to work. Changing the focus to what’s on the other side of it, well that seems to be the trick.

There comes a point, however, where intellect (personal history) must be left behind in favor of embracing a truth that cannot be seen by the naked eye and which has no rational, intellectual means for being.

Hmmmmm…something to think about.

So, on behalf of my future true self, and in honor of passing through that wall, here’s something from Mon A Q that’s had a lot of meaning for me lately (lyrics below):

 “It’s My Turn,” Mon A Q

There was a time
Didn’t think i could make it
One more day
I never thought
I could take this all the way
Shared my love
With anybody in need
I found the courage
I need for me
I’m gonna sing my song

And it’s my turn
I’m here to take it
Get outta my way
’cause i’ve gotta make it
It’s my turn
Got to keep on pushin’
I’m headin’ higher
And higher and higher
And it’s my turn
And nobody else
Gonna take it away
Is gonna take this away
And it’s my turn
I know i deserve it
I’m headin’ higher
And higher and higher

There was a love we had
I thought would never ever end
You were my lover
But now you’re not even my friend
I’ve wasted my time
Coulda been shoulda been
Livin my own dreams
No no no it’s not too late

Now i’m singin’ for me

I can’t wait
I can’t stop
I’ve got to give love
All i’ve got
What i do
I do just for me

Coming across someone who has brought their life to a screeching halt can be a scary thing sometimes. As human beings I firmly believe we are meant to always be moving, growing, learning, changing, and though it sounds strange, evolving.

Personally, I don’t think we’re meant to just “hang out” here, biding time through our entire existence.

I know that when I put everything on hold and ignore the signals of movement and growth that are happening inside me I can become very depressed, almost despairing.

It’s especially keen when I know and feel that it is a higher calling stirring within me.

Unfortunately, in today’s world, it is all too easy to put off, hit the snooze button, or utterly ignore those whispers of meaning and purpose that are always beckoning the human soul to its higher purpose.

There are so many distractions available, so many ways to dull the message coming toward me.

When I continually ignore the message, this other side of me manifests. Affectionately (or not so), this entity known as “Dennis” (see Self Acceptance: Building Belief in Yourself While Going for Your Dreams) comes equipped with his own beliefs, habits, imagination, and will. And subsequently, he rules as if there is no other reality.

C.S. Lewis beautifully depicts a similar manifestation in his book, “The Silver Chair.” A prince is captured by an evil queen and put under an enchantment that transforms him into a conceited, self-absorbed…jerk.

He must be bound in a chair, however, during times when the enchantment is lifted and his “right mind” comes back to him.

While under the spell, he has everyone convinced that he is who he says he is and the other, true self, is the bad guy, the one to keep bound up.

“Listen while I am master of myself. When the fit is upon me, it well may be that I shall beg and implore you, with entreaties and threatenings, to loosen my bonds…I shall call upon you by all that is most dear and most dreadful. But do not listen to me…For while I am bound you are safe. But if once I were up and out of this chair, then first would come my fury, and after that” - he shuddered - “the change into a loathsome serpent.”

(The Silver Chair, C.S. Lewis, p. 170)

One of my favorite quotes is by Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

I believe this to be both a very profound and very accurate statement.

But for the “spells” that I and many others put themselves under, there is so much that we could probably accomplish. Instead, many of us find ourselves like Ulysses in Homer’s Odyssey, in danger of crashing against the rocks by the enticing song of the Sirens that attempts to pull us away from the journey and our destiny.

Thankfully the spell lifts, the danger passes, and the right mind is returned to once again call the sojourner forward.

“Have they told you that if I am released from this chair I shall kill you and become a serpent? I see by your faces that they have. It is a lie. It is at this hour that I am in my right mind.”

(The Silver Chair, C.S. Lewis, p. 172)

I am fully capable of convincing myself and the world around me that I am someone else when I am in the “Dennis” mindset. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, he ain’t a very attractive guy. In fact, he’s a counterfeit to all that is good, true, and noble within me.

And as they say, like attracts like.

And for those who either love or hate the book and/or movie “The Secret,” this is what I’m talking about. The kids in C.S. Lewis’ book couldn’t stand the prince when he was under the spell.

There is a lot to be said for being grounded in one’s true self.

A good friend of mine recently shared something remarkable with me. I had sent him an email sharing some of the internal challenges I was dealing with and their seemingly (to me) lack of purpose or meaning. He said the email and the difficulties I described blessed him.

While this leg of my journey seemed to have no value whatsoever to me, it had great value to my friend.

It made me wonder.

Perhaps the life I live isn’t for me or about me at all. Perhaps it is lived for others to see.

And here’s something else I’ve heard over and over again from multitude of places:

Whatever I focus on grows.

I like what the Bible says about it:

“…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)

I’ve heard stories of concentration camp survivors who lived through horrendous experiences by practicing that principal…

“The intensification of inner life helped the prisoner find a refuge from the emptiness, desolation and spiritual poverty of his existence…”

“Even though conditions such as lack of sleep, insufficient food and various mental stresses may suggest that the inmates were bound to react in certain ways, in the final analysis it becomes clear that the sort person the prisoner became was the result of an inner decision, and not the result of camp influences alone. Fundamentally, therefore, man can even under such circumstances, decide what shall become of him - mentally and spiritually. He may retain his human dignity even in a concentration camp.”

(Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning, p. 50, 75)

It’s amazing how quickly my state of mind changes when I change my focus. It compounds when I combine it with some type of activity - for example, writing. Not introspective, depressing writing, but writing that lifts me up and connects me with a greater purpose…

…perhaps even a life lived in front of others.

Everyone with a sense of mission or purpose in life will probably hit a time when they question the journey. They might even reach a point where the intensity of it makes them feel like they’re losing their minds.

“Dark night of the soul” is an expression I’ve heard many times along my Christian journey. It originates from a poem of the same name written in the 16th century by a priest known as Saint John of the Cross.

I won’t get too much into the poem because I myself haven’t read it, but the premise and the meaning of the phrase is this:

We are all are capable of, and most likely will go through, periods of darkness, difficulty, confusion, etc. on our way to maturity in whatever area we are journeying through.

In the Christian sense, it’s the spiritual journey through life on earth to full union with God.

I’ve been through dark nights several times in my life and I can say that that the distinctions, understandings, and wisdom that is gained through the experience cannot be matched or gained any other way.

It’s ironic that my last post was on mastering the game of life. Unsuccessfully navigating through dark times can surely take anyone out of the game permanently…whether life, love, relationships, career, business, or any other endeavor or worthwhile pursuit.

In doing a little research into the subject of the dark night of the soul, I learned that even Mother Teresa went through a period of severe doubt…for over 50 years.

“Where is my faith? Even deep down … there is nothing but emptiness and darkness … If there be God—please forgive me. When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven, there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives and hurt my very soul … How painful is this unknown pain—I have no Faith. Repulsed, empty, no faith, no love, no zeal, … What do I labor for? If there be no God, there can be no soul. If there be no soul then, Jesus, You also are not true.”

(Mother Teresa, “Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light”)

I think the popular song “No Air” poignantly describes these feelings of emptiness that Mother Teresa describes (lyrics at the end of the post). Obviously it’s a love ballad, but also a very authentic one that I believe anyone can relate to. Just replace the object of affection with any kind of pursuit. Watch below or here.

“So how do you expect me to live alone with just me?”

It has taken me a long time to write this post. I think I started it over a month ago, shortly after I was hit pretty hard with that empty feeling. I found myself curled up in the dark, crying for who knows how long. Yep, I said it! Crying.

At the bottom of every painful, frustrating period I go through lies my true authentic self waiting to be revealed. A friend of mine used to say something to the effect that difficulties not only make character, they reveal it. That’s very profound. Oswald Chambers puts it another way:

“Sorrow removes a great deal of a person’s shallowness, but it does not always make that person better. Suffering either gives me to myself or it destroys me.”

(Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, June 25)

Underneath all the pains and struggles of life lies the person capable of handling them. These include not only hardships, but also the stretching, pruning, and weaning that accompanies the journey toward any kind of achievement, mission, goal, or purpose.

More to come…

No Air, Jordin Sparks with Chris Brown

Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air?

[Jordin]
If I should die before I wake
It’s cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air, oh

[Chris]
I’m here alone, didn’t wanna leave
My heart won’t move, it’s incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand

[Jordin]
But how
Do you expect me, to live alone with just me?
‘Cause my world revolves around you
It’s so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus-Both]
Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air?
Can’t live, can’t breathe with no air
That’s how I feel whenever you ain’t there
There’s no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon be without me?
If you ain’t here, I just can’t breathe
There’s no air, no air
No air air, No air air
No air air, No air air

[Chris]
I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew,
Right off the ground to flow to you
There’s no gravity to hold me down, for real

[Jordin]
But somehow I’m still alive inside
You took my breath but I survived
I don’t know how but I don’t even care

[Both]
So how do you expect me, to live alone with just me?
‘Cause my world revolves around you
It’s so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus-Both]
Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air?
Can’t live, can’t breathe with no air
That’s how I feel whenever you ain’t there
There’s no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon be without me?
If you ain’t here I just can’t breathe
There’s no air, no air
No air air, No air air
No air air, No air air

No more

No air

Baby

There’s no air, no air

Hey, oOoOo

Oooooooooooooh

[Chorus-Both]
Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air?
Can’t live, can’t breathe with no air
That’s how I feel whenever you ain’t there
There’s no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon be without me?
If you ain’t here I just can’t breathe
There’s no air, no air
[Jordin]
(Do you expect me, to live alone with just me
Cause my world revolves around you, It’s so hard for me to breathe)

[Both]
Tell me how I’m supposed to breath with no air?
Can’t live, can’t breathe with no air
That’s how I feel whenever you ain’t there
There’s no air, no air

[Outro-Both]
Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gonna be without me?

If you ain’t here I just can’t breathe

There’s no air, no air
No air air, No air air
No air air,

No air

I’ve heard it said that life is like a game. People who are able to  objectively negotiate through its challenges and setbacks, as well as its successes and wins, stand to be winners…no matter how the game goes.

Sometimes the winds of life blow hard, and depending on which direction I am headed, the wind can either be at my back or practically knocking me over. Wind is wind. It does not have a personal agenda for or against me.

Let me put it a different way. Think about a traffic jam. Ugh. Chicago traffic at rush hour can be the worst, and there are times when I can really let it get to me.

But it’s not like everyone in the jam is out to make my time of driving a miserable experience. They’re all just trying to get somewhere too!

Being able to handle frustrating moments without letting them take me down is a skill I’m finding worth developing.

Going back to the game metaphor, I can choose whether life’s frustrations and hardships are a meaningless game of chance or whether they are a game that has a purpose and can be mastered through strategies that can be learned. 

Which is more empowering?

If I believe that stuff just happens to me, I can focus on the belief that life just isn’t fair and definitely not worth going after with zeal and enthusiasm. I’m a victim.

If I believe that a higher purpose may be governing the events in my life, then I stand to feel better about what is happening.

There is a verse in the Bible that I really like:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God…" (Romans 8:28)

Even if you are not of the Christian faith, this is an extremely powerful belief for anyone to employ in their life!

Seeing everything as working for me is very empowering.

Everything that happens in my life, good, bad, or indifferent, works for my good.

Mind you, I’m not talking about sugarcoating every tragedy that occurs and pasting on a fake smile to mask the pain. I’m talking about acknowledging that the things that happen in my life are not happening in a vacuum, but rather these things, when looked at over the larger scheme of time, are working together for my good.

And I won’t say that the God of this universe would be so picky as to discriminate against those who do not know, love, or believe in him, because my belief is that he is ALWAYS reaching out and speaking to people and working things out for them because that is just who he is.

Again, that’s my belief, and not everyone believes what I believe…

But let’s say we don’t even bring faith or religion or anything like that into the equation.

Holding strongly to a belief that life prepares, educates, and teaches lessons for our good, even good that may be way off into the future, can still be an extremely healthy way to engage with the things that happen in it.

I recently became acquainted with a guy who has written a memoir of his addiction to and journey out of using Crystal Meth. I’m only about 25 pages into his story, but I am amazed at this man who got caught up in this stuff, overcame it, and is now using his skills as a writer to reach other people and help them learn from HIS experience.

He is deliberately choosing not to see himself as a victim of the circumstances in his life, but rather becoming a champion for a cause that very few are willing to take up. He is very passionate about it.

History and modern times are full of examples of people like Terry. People who choose to look at their lives a little differently, taking responsibilty for the lessons learned, growing through them, and passing on the knowledge to others.  

They see calling and purpose out of the cards dealt to them.

I look at my own life. There are days when I’m like, "What is up here???" However, I’ve learned more and more to trust the process and believe that everything happens for a reason.

Hardships make me stronger. Fears develop courage. Disappointments create resolve.

There’s a popular saying I used to hear a lot when I was in sales: "Sometimes you gotta roll with the punches."

So today, I choose to treat life like a game that has a purpose…and not any old purpose…a purpose that works for my good!

The story is told of a trapeze artist who was teaching a student how to overcome his fear of performing on one of the high bars of the trapeze:

"I can’t do it! I can’t do it!" [the student] gasped. …In a reassuring tone [the instructor] told him, "Son, you can do it! And I tell you how. Throw your heart over the bar and your body will follow."

Throw your heart over the bar and your body will follow. That is such an amazing image!

I know what it’s like to be high up. A few years ago I had the opportunity to fling myself toward a trapeze bar too. It was during an exercise at a Tony Robbins event in Puerto Rico.

All of us [courageous] participants climbed these very tall poles, perched ourselves atop the skinny mounts, and leaped for the trapeze bar. Some of us fell crashing to our deaths…

(okay, that was for dramatic emphasis…remember we were all harnessed in, no one died!)

…like I was saying, some of us missed the trapeze and hung suspended by the cables.

Some chickened out and climbed back down the pole. And others went for it with all they had and grabbed that sucker.

Well, of course I grabbed it! Do you think I’d be writing this if I didn’t??? 

There was no way in heck I was heading back home with the regret of missing my opportunity to clinch that bar! (That’s me in the pics at the bottom of this post.)

I remember just seeing myself grab ahold of that bar and then I went for it. What an exhilerating feeling!

"A small amount of ability and a lot of desire will go a long way."
(Dr. Tom Massey, The ABC’s of Effective Leadership, p. 80)

This ability to see myself as being somewhere or doing something before it happens is so powerful. It is SO POWERFUL!

I’m experiencing this right now. I started this nightly ritual of taking an evening shower before heading off to bed.

I have a visualization of my perfect day laminated and stuck on the shower wall. It details the things I want to feel and do when I wake up, the people I want to meet and connect with throughout the day, and the types of results and successes I want to experience.

I read this visualization while I’m relaxing in the shower and just let my imagination flow.

Then I go to bed.

Then I wake up.

And I do it again! I take a morning shower and read the same visualization. Thoughts and ideas come to me and I feel all this courage to take action on what I see in my imagination.

And I take action.

This has been so much fun.

Wait. Fun isn’t strong enough!

It’s exciting, thrilling, energizing!! It’s self-perpetuating, growing, and compounding.

I step out in one area I imagine, and I get a flood of new ideas, desires, and thoughts of other things I can be doing.

And my belief in myself sky-rockets.

"We are either the masters or the victims of our attitudes. It is a matter of personal choice. Who we are today is the result of choices made yesterday. Tomorrow we will become what we choose today. To change means to choose to change."

(John Maxwell, The Winning Attitude, p. 145)

So I continue to climb that pole and leap for the bar.

And I’m doing it before my body ever reaches it!

Children have such wonderful imaginations. Get around a little kid for awhile and you will inevitably get the sense that anything is possible for them…at all of 5, 6, 7 years old!

They are teachers, firefighters, policemen, soldiers, presidents, celebrities. Their imaginations are usually completely unbridled! And they usually have no fear either. They will try and do just about anything. They exhibit amazing confidence and determination until…

Ahhhhh, yes. Until.

Until the adult world begins to squeeze them into that teeny, weeny constrictive box. Their dreams become systematically dismantled. They hear the word "no" over and over again. They become ridiculed for their goals of wanting to be, do, and become more.

In essence: They become adults.

It’s sad but true. Fear overcomes faith. Reality replaces dreams. Mediocre becomes the highest standard for earning the measliest of raises.

But what happened to that childlike imagination? What happened to believing we could become whoever we wanted to be?

I will be bold as to say it never went away. It lies in all us, albeit dormant for many.

I sincerely believe everyone was brought into the world for a reason. Each of us has unique abilities that were meant to be contributed for the betterment of the world around us. I am a man of faith, so I believe that God put me here for a reason and that he has prepared specific things for me to do.

But for all the reasons I am writing this blog, I have my "hang-ups," the adult issues of living in a world where it isn’t always cool to think so differently from your neighbor, rock the boat, or trip up the status quo. You can read about some of my challenges in The Before Story…The Starting Point for Change.

So what to do…

How about getting back to dreaming and imagining like a child? Afterall, that ability never went away, though it may take some coaxing to come back for some.

I’ve been talking about affirmations, self-declarations, "I Am" statements, and the like. I guess to be brutally honest, it comes down to being like a kid again.

Who cares if whatever you’re declaring isn’t happening now? It could, couldn’t it?

Who cares if I’m not that kind of person today? I could be someday, couldn’t I?

And if I or anyone else is living a mediocre or unfulfilled existence right now, then isn’t it possible to believe that the only way is up??? Or would is it bettter to go down a few more levels until we’re six feet under?

So, I am now entering the Dream Zone. Yes, DREAM. As in IMAGINATION.

Here’s who I am…

I am creative.
I am an entrepreneur.
I am a man with a mission.
I am a man discoving his purpose.
I am a communicator.
I am a networker.
I am an artist.
I am a wordsmith.
I am an influencer.
I am a child of God.
I am growing.
I am determined.
I am courageous.
I am confident.
I am a leader.

When I look up my name in the dictionary I see:

"A man determined to overcome all odds to fulfill his mission and purpose in life. Bright, energetic, and highly creative. A person of great influence. A leader. Courageous and willing to go after whatever he wants no matter how difficult."

Many affirmations are declarations of what is already true, but perhaps forgotten or buried under years of neglect. Other affirmations are declarations of attributes that are sought after.

And if the world has beaten the dreamer out of any of us, many affirmations could very well be the bridge back to who we were destined to become when we were placed on this planet in the first place.

I am only limited by the scope of my imagination.

So dream, and dream BIG.

Where does fear come from and what purpose does it serve? I would venture to say (and I know I’ve read it somewhere) that fear is a protective mechanism. It keeps me from doing things that could potentially hurt me or put me in danger.

So in that regard, fear is my friend.

But what about fears that stem from events in my past or from what other people have said or done to me? They seem real enough. Couldn’t they be protecting me too?

I’ve alluded a couple of times on this blog to some, er…less than stellar periods in my childhood. Kids can be cruel. Kids without restraint can be downright vicious.

Second period math class in the 7th grade was my time for fear conditioning.

Let’s see…jeering, taunting, gesturing, labeling, name-calling, full-out rejection…. That pretty much summed up what it was like every time I walked into that classroom, with really no breaks at all.

I was ever so thankful for holidays, weekends, and the summer vacation I was able to finally leave that class behind for good…

…or so I thought.

I kept the memories.

 Or maybe they kept me…

“I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” (Mark Twain)

Throughout my adulthood I’ve found my mind playing tricks on me when it’s come to these memories.

I saw many of the worst culprits from my junior high days several years ago at my 20 year high school reunion. They were so mellow they wouldn’t hurt a fly!

And yet, even after seeing these men and women in the present day, I found that the old memories still persisted, creating these imaginary fears of people and what they thought about me. 

So if in time I’ve come to realize that the traumas of my past were still in my past, what do I do in the present time?

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real 

I used to think that acronym was a little hokey until I began to understand how my imagination could work either for or against me.

What I’ve come to realize is that I have a choice when it comes to my fears, especially the ones that could stand to cripple me as I attempt to move forward.

A lot of times it involves completely blocking out the fear, ignoring it, and just doing whatever it is I have to do despite it. When I did my little exercise meeting and striking up conversations with strangers (see Identity Transformation: Using Gentle Persuasion to Change Your Beliefs) that’s what I was doing.

I’ve played various sports (basketball, volleyball, softball) for the sole purpose of learning to master my fears. I ended up having a lot of fun and picking up some new skills in the process.

Ultimately, what really happens when I face my fears is that I end up teaching myself a whole new way to be, think, and do. I become a different person.

I change.

I don’t know about you, but the moment I decide that I want to change something in my life, all of my resistance sets in.

I had a Sheltie growing up and it always cracked me up whenever I pulled her chain hard to come with me. She would always pull back. We’re talking full-out resistance and totally digging her paws in the ground so as not to budge! 

I remember times I would pull her leash hard on purpose just to watch her do it. It never failed. She would aways fight me!

The best approach was to gently coax her and lightly pull her leash. She would always go where I wanted when I handled her that way!

“As we develop new beliefs about who we are, our behavior will change to support the new identity.”

(Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, p. 416)

I firmly believe it’s possible to do almost anything I set my mind to. It’s the “setting my mind to” part that’s the most challenging! This requires cooperation and gentle coaxing with myself. The forced approach rarely works.

You see, when I set my mind to doing something new or unfamiliar, I dig my own “paws” in the ground to resist moving forward.

Several years ago I was invited to help facilitate a workshop designed to assist attendees in breaking through the things that held them back. I figured I should probably do my own homework on that subject and decided to spend the day walking around busy areas of town and practice introducing myself to and talking with strangers.

The thought of doing this practically put me in a state of paralysis.

How did I get past that? I began imagining myself meeting people and having a great experience doing it. I began developing a positive picture in my mind of what I was going to do and then I just started doing it.

I had a blast!

So what am I talking about here? My beliefs about who I am and what I can do are malleable rather than fixed. They can change.

Imagination, visualization, meditation, affirmations…these are all methods of gently coaxing my new beliefs forward until they become part of me. New behaviors are sure to follow.

Give it a try!

I was a little uncertain how to approach this topic. Since when does going after any type of goal or dream have ANYTHING to do with being realistic??

I mean, I think a lot of people (myself included!) are guilty of shrinking their goals down to doable, managable, and realistic objectives. Right? I think that’s what keeps a lot of us feeling frustrated, broke, and depressed.

So again, how does being realistic help manage disappointment on the way to achieving success?

Okaaaaaay… How about I pull out a mirror? Can I honestly look myself in the eye and say,

“You have every right to feel discouraged. You did everything you could. No one understands how hard you’ve worked for it!”

Ahhhhh… But are my expectations realistic? Are my actions in line with my commitment? Or am I really only a day dreamer, totally squeamish when my goals require effort beyond the minimum?

Sometimes discouragement is really a mask for the fear of learning something new. Say my skill level is at a 2 and I demand it to be 10 or above…yesterday…without any practice or effort. Is THAT realistic?

The following video is pretty heartbreaking to watch. I see a lot of myself in this guy, someone who is really struggling with the idea of breaking out of his own self-limiting beliefs. Bear with the minute or so of introduction…

This guy is clearly discouraged. But is he being realistic in regards to his expectations?

Or is a different level of commitment and belief required to help him reach his ultimate destination of success as a dancer?

He fought to get to this stage of the competition only to give up so quickly. It’s mind-boggling. But I’m sure we all know someone like that in our lives…