A lot of people (myself included) tend to define themselves in terms of their personal history: successes and failures, achievements and setbacks, education, family, relationships, jobs, etc. 

Admittedly, the nature of time and my own physical body provide a pretty compelling argument that who I am today, indeed all that I am, is soley the culmination of my past and present. What else is there?

But lately I’ve come to realize there’s more to it than that.

If I go with the premise that yesterday and today is all there is, then life (for me at least) would be truly meaningless.

However, coming from both a spiritual and Christian perspective, I believe that all human beings have an eternal nature to them and therefore simultaneously exist in the future as well. 

Taking it a step further to account for this future true and eternal self opens a multitude of possibilities.

This concept is something I’ve been resisting for quite some time too. “Resisting” sounds a little weak. I’ve been pretty much fighting against the notion.

Whatever the reason, my defenses have been pretty strong. It probably means there is something really important on the other side of that wall.

But while my defenses are strong, I kind of doubt that storming or blasting the wall away is the answer. Truthfully, I think all that’s required is to just plain ‘ole walk through the wall.

Translation: it’s a faith transaction rather than an intellectual one.

I’ve had a handful of moments over the past several months where I’ve gotten an inkling of what’s on the other side of the wall.

I remember a couple of times when this feeling of peace came out of nowhere. I had the impression that no matter how the story looked at the present time, the ending was still good. I wasn’t reading or doing anything at the moment that would have triggered that feeling. It literally came out of the blue.

While those felt like “God” moments, there were other times where the impression felt less like God and more like, well, me. And this is where it might sound a little weird. It wasn’t me today, but me somewhere in the future…the future on the other side of that wall…if I chose to walk through it in faith.

I’m going to segway a little with an insight that Tony Robbins gives in regards to the art of race car driving:

“The number-one fundamental they teach in driving is: Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear…Drivers know that you go where you look; you travel the direction of your focus. If you resist your fear, have faith, and focus on where you want to go, your actions will take you in that direction.”
(Awaken the Giant Within, p. 161)

A number of years ago I attended a seminar where I had the opportunity to break a board with my bare hand. The key to breaking it, however, was not found in physical strength or sheer will power. It was in quietly first seeing (in my mind’s eye) my hand go through the board, and then just doing it.

Everyone who tried to break the board through brute strength failed, to the point where some even hurt themselves.

Focusing on the wall, the barrier, the fear…this doesn’t seem to work. Changing the focus to what’s on the other side of it, well that seems to be the trick.

There comes a point, however, where intellect (personal history) must be left behind in favor of embracing a truth that cannot be seen by the naked eye and which has no rational, intellectual means for being.

Hmmmmm…something to think about.

So, on behalf of my future true self, and in honor of passing through that wall, here’s something from Mon A Q that’s had a lot of meaning for me lately (lyrics below):

 “It’s My Turn,” Mon A Q

There was a time
Didn’t think i could make it
One more day
I never thought
I could take this all the way
Shared my love
With anybody in need
I found the courage
I need for me
I’m gonna sing my song

And it’s my turn
I’m here to take it
Get outta my way
’cause i’ve gotta make it
It’s my turn
Got to keep on pushin’
I’m headin’ higher
And higher and higher
And it’s my turn
And nobody else
Gonna take it away
Is gonna take this away
And it’s my turn
I know i deserve it
I’m headin’ higher
And higher and higher

There was a love we had
I thought would never ever end
You were my lover
But now you’re not even my friend
I’ve wasted my time
Coulda been shoulda been
Livin my own dreams
No no no it’s not too late

Now i’m singin’ for me

I can’t wait
I can’t stop
I’ve got to give love
All i’ve got
What i do
I do just for me

I’ve heard it said that life is like a game. People who are able to  objectively negotiate through its challenges and setbacks, as well as its successes and wins, stand to be winners…no matter how the game goes.

Sometimes the winds of life blow hard, and depending on which direction I am headed, the wind can either be at my back or practically knocking me over. Wind is wind. It does not have a personal agenda for or against me.

Let me put it a different way. Think about a traffic jam. Ugh. Chicago traffic at rush hour can be the worst, and there are times when I can really let it get to me.

But it’s not like everyone in the jam is out to make my time of driving a miserable experience. They’re all just trying to get somewhere too!

Being able to handle frustrating moments without letting them take me down is a skill I’m finding worth developing.

Going back to the game metaphor, I can choose whether life’s frustrations and hardships are a meaningless game of chance or whether they are a game that has a purpose and can be mastered through strategies that can be learned. 

Which is more empowering?

If I believe that stuff just happens to me, I can focus on the belief that life just isn’t fair and definitely not worth going after with zeal and enthusiasm. I’m a victim.

If I believe that a higher purpose may be governing the events in my life, then I stand to feel better about what is happening.

There is a verse in the Bible that I really like:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God…" (Romans 8:28)

Even if you are not of the Christian faith, this is an extremely powerful belief for anyone to employ in their life!

Seeing everything as working for me is very empowering.

Everything that happens in my life, good, bad, or indifferent, works for my good.

Mind you, I’m not talking about sugarcoating every tragedy that occurs and pasting on a fake smile to mask the pain. I’m talking about acknowledging that the things that happen in my life are not happening in a vacuum, but rather these things, when looked at over the larger scheme of time, are working together for my good.

And I won’t say that the God of this universe would be so picky as to discriminate against those who do not know, love, or believe in him, because my belief is that he is ALWAYS reaching out and speaking to people and working things out for them because that is just who he is.

Again, that’s my belief, and not everyone believes what I believe…

But let’s say we don’t even bring faith or religion or anything like that into the equation.

Holding strongly to a belief that life prepares, educates, and teaches lessons for our good, even good that may be way off into the future, can still be an extremely healthy way to engage with the things that happen in it.

I recently became acquainted with a guy who has written a memoir of his addiction to and journey out of using Crystal Meth. I’m only about 25 pages into his story, but I am amazed at this man who got caught up in this stuff, overcame it, and is now using his skills as a writer to reach other people and help them learn from HIS experience.

He is deliberately choosing not to see himself as a victim of the circumstances in his life, but rather becoming a champion for a cause that very few are willing to take up. He is very passionate about it.

History and modern times are full of examples of people like Terry. People who choose to look at their lives a little differently, taking responsibilty for the lessons learned, growing through them, and passing on the knowledge to others.  

They see calling and purpose out of the cards dealt to them.

I look at my own life. There are days when I’m like, "What is up here???" However, I’ve learned more and more to trust the process and believe that everything happens for a reason.

Hardships make me stronger. Fears develop courage. Disappointments create resolve.

There’s a popular saying I used to hear a lot when I was in sales: "Sometimes you gotta roll with the punches."

So today, I choose to treat life like a game that has a purpose…and not any old purpose…a purpose that works for my good!

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you knew you had the ability to do something (be it the talent, skill, experience, etc.) but when it came time to step out and do it, you absolutely choked?

Analysis paralysis tends to be my Achilles Heel whenever I attempt to move into new, unfamiliar territory. I’d like to propose, however, that something deeper may lie at the root: an identity issue.

“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.”

(Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, p. 413)

I watched the movie, Coyote Ugly, last weekend. This young woman, an aspiring songwriter, moves to the Big Apple from a small town in New Jersey to break into the music biz as a writer.

She’s got a problem though: she refuses to sing her own material.

She’s petrified as a matter of fact. And she’s manufactured all kinds of reasons to support her belief that she CANNOT sing her own stuff - to the point where she’d be willing to surrender any lucky breaks that came her way!

Now watch…

Sigh…do I ever know what that’s like!

So what happens when you fall off your horse? According to John Maxwell, “Your own resolution to succeed counts for more than anything else.” (The Maxwell Leadership Bible, p. 910)

Hmmmmm….sounds something like having a burning desire doesn’t it? (See Building Belief with a Burning Desire to Succeed in Whatever You Set Your Mind To)

So what exactly does passion mean? I like this definition in Wikipedia:

“Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for anything and often requiring action.”

Passion couples emotion with action, the combination of which is essential to achieving success when going for any type of goal.

Removing emotion, feeling, desire, or enthusiasm from what I do makes me almost like a robot. I can work, work, work and completely burn out. There’s no spark to ignite that flame that becomes a blaze.

Removing action while keeping all the emotion makes me little more than a fan of my goals (a step above a mere spectator).

Last week I imagined myself being interviewed in the future. (See Handling Discouragement: Establishing New Goals)

Looking back from that time in the future…

What were my biggest challenges?

- Trusting myself enough to know I could accomplish what I set my mind to.

- Fearing what others thought; listening to my own “opinions” about that.

- Seeing myself as the person who could be successful at __________.

- Mañana syndrome…I can always do that tomorrow.

When did it turn for me?

- When I realized I had a purpose and a mission that involved others and went beyond myself.

- When I focused on where I was heading, rather than where I was currently at or where I had been before.

What did I do?

- I practiced looking 3, 4, and 5 steps ahead of me, instead of on that scary first step.

- I stopped questioning what others saw in me and began embracing it.

- I put others ahead of me always, focusing on how I could help them reach their goals.

- I became emotionally attached to my end result, my destination, my purpose fulfilled.

- I focused on what I could do today and then I did it.

“Your own resolution to succeed counts for more than anything else…”

Over the weekend I had dinner with a friend at a Chinese restaurant. I opened my fortune cookie today and read this message:

“You have the ability to touch the lives of many people.”

Uhhhhh…that was a clue, wasn’t it?

Ever wish you could go back in time and do something over, differently, or maybe not at all? I know I have.

“Failure is an opportunity to begin again, but more intelligently.”

John Maxwell

And hindsight has 20/20 vision…

As human beings we have the great and magnificent ability to learn from our mistakes. So like it or not, failing, falling down, screwing up…it’s all part of the learning experience.

But what about this notion of time travel? I mean seriously, why not fix ourselves that way?

Hey now…I’m serious!

I may not be able to go back in time, but I can sure go forward…in my imagination.

I was inspired recently by an article I read in my health club’s fitness magazine. It was about a book called “Five Wishes: How Answering One Simple Question Can Make Your Dreams Come True.”

I haven’t read the book, but I found the article about it extremely helpful. Here’s a snip…

“Imagine looking back on your life from your deathbed and identifying the important things that might have kept your experience in this lifetime from being a complete, totally satisfying experience…translate each major regret (’I wish I had experienced A or accomplished B or not screwed up C’) into a positive, powerful, present-tense statement - a statement that would be true, assuming you created successes in the areas you currently feel lacking. For example: “My life is a total success because I have experienced A, or I am enjoying B, or I have come to understand C.”

Pilar Gerasimo, “No Show, No Glow”
Experience Life Magazine, p. 12

This past week I pictured myself being interviewed in the future. I was at the height of success and people wanted to know how I achieved it:

1. What were my biggest challenges?
2. When did things turn around for me?
3. What did I do?

When I finished I felt like I’d come off of a mountaintop somewhere. My vision was clearer and I felt like I understood my purpose better.

And I had a greater sense of what steps I needed to take to ensure I was answering those same questions the same way in the future.

I will share the answers in my next post about developing a passion…

I was a little uncertain how to approach this topic. Since when does going after any type of goal or dream have ANYTHING to do with being realistic??

I mean, I think a lot of people (myself included!) are guilty of shrinking their goals down to doable, managable, and realistic objectives. Right? I think that’s what keeps a lot of us feeling frustrated, broke, and depressed.

So again, how does being realistic help manage disappointment on the way to achieving success?

Okaaaaaay… How about I pull out a mirror? Can I honestly look myself in the eye and say,

“You have every right to feel discouraged. You did everything you could. No one understands how hard you’ve worked for it!”

Ahhhhh… But are my expectations realistic? Are my actions in line with my commitment? Or am I really only a day dreamer, totally squeamish when my goals require effort beyond the minimum?

Sometimes discouragement is really a mask for the fear of learning something new. Say my skill level is at a 2 and I demand it to be 10 or above…yesterday…without any practice or effort. Is THAT realistic?

The following video is pretty heartbreaking to watch. I see a lot of myself in this guy, someone who is really struggling with the idea of breaking out of his own self-limiting beliefs. Bear with the minute or so of introduction…

This guy is clearly discouraged. But is he being realistic in regards to his expectations?

Or is a different level of commitment and belief required to help him reach his ultimate destination of success as a dancer?

He fought to get to this stage of the competition only to give up so quickly. It’s mind-boggling. But I’m sure we all know someone like that in our lives…

Wow, when I kicked off this series with my post on Holding to Belief, Vision, and Purpose in Times of Discouragement, I really wasn’t sure how it would unfold. It’s been both a learning and a growing experience grappling with these topics.

Since I’m halfway through, I’ll list John Maxwell’s 10 methods of handling discouragement again:

The first five…

1.    Rise above self-pity.
2.    Think positively.
3.    Learn from your experiences.
4.    Seek alternatives.
5.    Develop a sense of humor.

The next five…

6.    Be realistic.
7.    Establish new goals.
8.    Develop a passion.
9.    Broaden your base of support.
10.  Separate your self-worth from your performance.

I owe it to my Scotish roots… When it comes to poking fun, teasing, laughing, pulling pranks, or falling over until my sides split, the laughter gene runs deep in me.

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people and the fastest way to get perspective.”

(John Maxwell, The Maxwell Leadership Bible, p. 910)

I went to a Tony Robbins event years ago. There were thousands of people in the huge convention hall, and at one point Tony had everyone laying on the floor for an exercise.

It was a laughing exercise.

Yes, laughing. We just had to start laughing…for no reason at all.

(If you think that sounds ridiculous or impossible, try it! Just start laughing. C’mon…give it a try! You know you want to!)

The laughter in that hall went on and on for probably a good 20 minutes or more. And then when it would start to die out, someone would catch a new infection of the giggles and it would start all over again.

Have you ever been wound up, tight as rubber band, tense about something, and then something strikes your funny bone?

Maybe someone cracked a joke or made some crazy comment.

And then all of a sudden the tension melts away in uproarious laughter.

That’s what I’m talking about.

For me, there’s something about laughter in particular that just makes everything seem okay and practically erases anything that has been bothering me.

When used properly, emotions can be a powerful tool. They can totally disrupt a bad thought pattern. (Ummmm…shall we say something like discouragement?)

Had I not done that laughing exercise at the Tony Robbins event I don’t think I’d believe it possible to just turn laughter off and on like that.

I’m not a physicist, chemist, biologist, or scientist, but I think there is some kind of chemical reaction going on between my brain, thoughts, and emotions.

Those positive thoughts have to be linked to some kind of “feel good” chemicals in my body.

I mean seriously, isn’t that why companies pay gobs and gobs of money on advertising? They want people to feel good about their products so they’ll buy them. People don’t buy logically. They buy emotionally.

This is why I like dance music so much. It makes me feel great and listening to it is one of the fastest ways I can change my emotional state.

So take some time to laugh, okay? And if you’re too chicken because there are others around you, crack a grin and let it widen to a full-on smile.

C’mon. Stop being such a baby…do it!

Someone once told me that when he looked up “tenacity” in the dictionary he found my name under  it.

So I looked it up.

Here are some definitions…

…tough, holding fast
…persistent determination
…persistent in maintaining, adhering to

When I find myself frustrated with something I’ve been working on for awhile, I activate  this “rule out” procedure in my mind. It’s often unconscious for me. I begin ruling out ways and approaches that aren’t working for me.

This has been especially helpful whenever I’ve found myself in that repetitive pattern of actually DOING the same things over and over again, expecting a different result.

(Yes, many of you may already know that that’s the true definition of insanity…you may go to the head of the class now!)

I will have to say that the “rule out” procedure sometimes works against me in that I might rule something out a little pre-maturely.

More times than not it has helped me move forward, when surely I would have remained stuck.

So what is the “rule out” procedure? Simple…

DON’T DO IT AGAIN!!!

Ouch.

Well, seriously, if it isn’t working, why would I WANT to beat my head against that wall again anyhow?

Seek alternatives. Change approaches. Come at it differently. Try a new way of doing it.

It’s easy to give up on the first try though, isn’t it?

…”I have not failed 700 times. I have not failed once. I have
succeeded in proving that those 700 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.”

(Thomas Edison, regarding inventing the light bulb)

Many years ago when I was downsized out of a job, I put together this sales presentation for myself. I wanted to be an advertising account executive and knew I had to market my skills in a creative fashion.

I took lots of self assessment tests, spent hours conducting information interviews with people in the industry, and eventually crafted what turned out to be a tabletop flipchart presentation of why I was the man for the job.

Mind you, this was before there was PowerPoint!

I can’t tell you how many additional hours I spent at the local print shop just sizing and pasting everything up with the help of rulers and an old-fashioned light table!

In sum: I put a hell of a lot of work into that puppy.

And boy did I sure get the questions…

“Why are you doing that?”
“That won’t work.”
“You really shouldn’t be spending so much time on that.”

I was determined.

But here’s the deal. While some interviewers thought it was cool, there were those who just didn’t get it.

I remember one particularly discouraging morning (a SATURDAY morning nonetheless) when I was brought in for an interview with a small marketing agency.

The two owners of the company interviewed me and when it came to the question of why I felt I was qualified for the job, I pulled out my presentation and showed them exactly why.

These guys began snorting and sniggering. One of them actually walked out into the hallway and started laughing.

It wasn’t a highpoint for me.

After several months of interviewing to no avail, I said “to hell with it, I’m just gonna be a temp!”

After several more months of temping, an opportunity came up for me to interview with a really good company that my temp agency was placing for.

It was a ho-hum interview until I was asked specifically if I could put words and pictures together in a presentation. That’s when I whipped out my trusty tabletop flipchart and let it rip.

Can I say I had the interviewer “at hello”?

I got the job, and it was everything I wanted and was looking for at the time.

Believe it or not, I’ve been teased about this blog and my qualifications to write it.

All I know is I feel driven to write it, which all goes back to what I said about Holding to Belief, Vision, and Purpose in Times of Discouragement.

I doubt there has been any baby in the history of the world who burst out of the womb knowing everything.

From the moment we take that first breath we are learning and adapting.

Learning to walk took a lot of stumbling and falling first.

How about, er, learning to manage those bodily functions at appropriate times?

Think about the first time you hopped on that bike…and promptly fell over.

I don’t think perfection has ever been best friends with learning.

Even though I can be a terrible offender when it comes to perfectionism, deep down I know the only way to learn is to give myself permission to make mistakes without going down on myself when I screw up.

So it is when I’m reaching for any type of goal.

Rarely does it go perfectly.

As long I learn from the process, get up, and keep moving ahead until I reach what I want, the destination will be attained.

NOTE: It’s always best to remain FLEXIBLE. Sometimes goals need to be amended, a vision enlarged, or plans altered based on new information learned!

I think the following by Portia Nelson is somewhat of a classic. Definitely a good metaphor for being flexible. It’s called “Autobiography in Five Short Chapters”…

Chapter 1. I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2. I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place, but it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in. It’s a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter 4. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter 5. I walk down another street.