I recently picked up the book, “An Actor’s Work,” by Konstantin Stanislavski.
Stanislavski was an early 20th century Russian actor and theater director. The story is told of a dog that would come to his rehearsals:

“…being rather lazy, [the dog] would sleep in the corner all day long. Strangely, every evening, just before the actors were to finish, the dog would be at the door, leash in mouth, waiting to be taken home. What astonished Stanislavski was that the dog would wearily haul himself to his feet several minutes before his master called him.

“Regular as clockwork…the dog would trot to the door and wait there patiently. Now how could a dog possibly know that the rehearsal was over before anyone moved to the door? Finally Stanislavski figured it out. The dog could hear when the actors started talking like normal human beings again.

“The difference between the fake and the living was just as sharp as Pavlov’s bell.”

(Declan Donnellan, Introduction, “An Actor’s Work,” p. ix)

I’ve become fascinated by this idea of what makes characters on TV shows or movies so believable. I mean, believable to the point where the viewer suspends their disbelief, enters into the fictional world, and actually believes everything happening is real.

I was watching one of my favorite shows, Smallville, the other day, and was struck by how believable the characters were to me. I believed their words, their emotions, and their body language.

I’m sure there are many of us who have witnessed bad acting. Poor scripts aside, bad acting (for me) is acting that is hollow, wooden, and devoid of soul and character. I don’t believe the actor’s portrayal. I don’t believe his or her character is real.

If there’s anything that I’m attempting to get to the heart of, it’s the essence of what makes a person believable, even to themselves. I KNOW when I don’t believe something about myself. But on the flipside, I also know when I DO believe something about myself.

Usually what I don’t believe lies on the surface. You know, like some kind of lotion that doesn’t penetrate the skin barrier and feels all greasy.

But what I do believe has penetrated my very soul. It has a life of its own. It’s something I would fight for.

And the crossing of this divide is what many people in the acting community accomplish daily, which is why a friend encouraged me to explore the subject.

Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman were interviewed by Oprah recently about their new movie, “Australia.” Nicole gave a really great insight into how that divide is bridged when she talked about her approach to the kissing scenes:

“…you do have to step into this place…especially when it’s romantic…where you have to be true to the characters. So a lot of it is still creating mystery between you so that there is chemistry…We both would have to commit to that…and then you step out of it and you go back to your life…

“But there is this sort of imaginary existence that you have to commit to…You have to commit to the love of the moment in the scene and then you walk away from it. You go back to your life…but you have to make it believable in that moment…you have to be real…it has to vibrate through me. And then you shed it. You go back to your life.”

On a funny note, another friend of mine recounted a time when his buddy was pulled over for doing some major speeding. As the officer approached the window, my friend (on the passenger side) leaned forward, groaning that he had to get to a restroom fast or he wasn’t going to make it.

While my friend isn’t an actor, he sure was committed to his part. The cop let his buddy off…

There’s a cable channel whose tagline is “We Know Drama.” I crack up every time I hear it. If there’s anyone out there who has a corner on the drama market, it’s the human soul.

I like this exchange between Jerry Maguire and Dorothy Boyd in the movie “Jerry Maguire”…

Jerry: It was laziness, my breakup with Avery.

Dorothy: It doesn’t just happen. Somebody is always to blame.

Jerry: You work at it like you do a job.

Dorothy: Maybe, love shouldn’t be such hard work.

Jerry: Yeah, maybe so. But it’s not every day you say goodbye to a woman like that.

Dorothy: I know what you mean. It wasn’t like my marriage to Roger was any good, even before …

Jerry: Before…?

Dorothy: Jerry… Let’s not tell our sad stories.

“Seeing oneself as a victim is an element in many egoic patterns, such as complaining, being offended, outraged, and so on.

Of course, once I am identified with the story in which I assigned myself the role of victim, I don’t want it to end…If no one will listen to my sad story, I can tell it to myself in my head, over and over, and feel sorry for myself, and so have an identity as someone who is being treated unfairly by life or other people, fate or God.”

(Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth - Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, p. 89-90)

While pondering the subject of identification, I came across this oldie the other day. You gotta love those love ballads from the ’70’s and ’80’s! I’ve spared everyone the original…this is an updated version!

All Out of Love, Air Supply (performed by Jenna Drey)

I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I’m all out of love, what am I without you
I can’t be too late to say that I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I’m reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right

And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can’t hold on
There’s no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I’ll be gone, I’ll be gone

I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I’m all out of love, what am I without you
I can’t be too late to say that I was so wrong

Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?

I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I’m all out of love, what am I without you
I can’t be too late to say that I was so wrong

I recently started listening to Oprah’s A New Earth webcast with Eckhart Tolle. Tolle’s book, “A New Earth - Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose,” has become quite popular as a result of the Oprah series.

While I don’t agree with a lot of his scriptural interpretations, I’ve never been one to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

I found his discussion of the ego particularly helpful.

When he used the example of the child who cries when his toy is taken away from him, the light bulbs went off:

“The reason why such acute suffering occurs is concealed in the word ‘my,’ and it is structural…One of the most basic mind structures through which the ego comes into existence is identification.

The word ‘identification’ is derived from the Latin word idem, meaning ’same’ and facere, which means ‘to make.’ So when I identify with something, I ‘make it the same.’ The same as what? The same as I. I endow it with a sense of self, and so it becomes part of my ‘identity.’

One of the most basic levels of identification is with things: My toy later becomes my car, my house, my clothes, and so on.”

(Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth - Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, p. 34-35)

Material items aren’t the only things capable of creating strong points of identification. Careers, group affiliations, social standing, beliefs of any kind…these can all hold similar power. And when they’re lost or displaced, well, all hell can break loose.

A lot of people (myself included) tend to define themselves in terms of their personal history: successes and failures, achievements and setbacks, education, family, relationships, jobs, etc. 

Admittedly, the nature of time and my own physical body provide a pretty compelling argument that who I am today, indeed all that I am, is soley the culmination of my past and present. What else is there?

But lately I’ve come to realize there’s more to it than that.

If I go with the premise that yesterday and today is all there is, then life (for me at least) would be truly meaningless.

However, coming from both a spiritual and Christian perspective, I believe that all human beings have an eternal nature to them and therefore simultaneously exist in the future as well. 

Taking it a step further to account for this future true and eternal self opens a multitude of possibilities.

This concept is something I’ve been resisting for quite some time too. “Resisting” sounds a little weak. I’ve been pretty much fighting against the notion.

Whatever the reason, my defenses have been pretty strong. It probably means there is something really important on the other side of that wall.

But while my defenses are strong, I kind of doubt that storming or blasting the wall away is the answer. Truthfully, I think all that’s required is to just plain ‘ole walk through the wall.

Translation: it’s a faith transaction rather than an intellectual one.

I’ve had a handful of moments over the past several months where I’ve gotten an inkling of what’s on the other side of the wall.

I remember a couple of times when this feeling of peace came out of nowhere. I had the impression that no matter how the story looked at the present time, the ending was still good. I wasn’t reading or doing anything at the moment that would have triggered that feeling. It literally came out of the blue.

While those felt like “God” moments, there were other times where the impression felt less like God and more like, well, me. And this is where it might sound a little weird. It wasn’t me today, but me somewhere in the future…the future on the other side of that wall…if I chose to walk through it in faith.

I’m going to segway a little with an insight that Tony Robbins gives in regards to the art of race car driving:

“The number-one fundamental they teach in driving is: Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear…Drivers know that you go where you look; you travel the direction of your focus. If you resist your fear, have faith, and focus on where you want to go, your actions will take you in that direction.”
(Awaken the Giant Within, p. 161)

A number of years ago I attended a seminar where I had the opportunity to break a board with my bare hand. The key to breaking it, however, was not found in physical strength or sheer will power. It was in quietly first seeing (in my mind’s eye) my hand go through the board, and then just doing it.

Everyone who tried to break the board through brute strength failed, to the point where some even hurt themselves.

Focusing on the wall, the barrier, the fear…this doesn’t seem to work. Changing the focus to what’s on the other side of it, well that seems to be the trick.

There comes a point, however, where intellect (personal history) must be left behind in favor of embracing a truth that cannot be seen by the naked eye and which has no rational, intellectual means for being.

Hmmmmm…something to think about.

So, on behalf of my future true self, and in honor of passing through that wall, here’s something from Mon A Q that’s had a lot of meaning for me lately (lyrics below):

 “It’s My Turn,” Mon A Q

There was a time
Didn’t think i could make it
One more day
I never thought
I could take this all the way
Shared my love
With anybody in need
I found the courage
I need for me
I’m gonna sing my song

And it’s my turn
I’m here to take it
Get outta my way
’cause i’ve gotta make it
It’s my turn
Got to keep on pushin’
I’m headin’ higher
And higher and higher
And it’s my turn
And nobody else
Gonna take it away
Is gonna take this away
And it’s my turn
I know i deserve it
I’m headin’ higher
And higher and higher

There was a love we had
I thought would never ever end
You were my lover
But now you’re not even my friend
I’ve wasted my time
Coulda been shoulda been
Livin my own dreams
No no no it’s not too late

Now i’m singin’ for me

I can’t wait
I can’t stop
I’ve got to give love
All i’ve got
What i do
I do just for me

Love this one from John Maxwell: “When it comes to believing in themselves, some people are agnostic!” (Talent is Never Enough, p. 19)

How true!

In softball, there was one position I always hated: centerfield.

Let me repeat: I HATED IT!

The thought of never knowing when the batter would hit the ball my way…

…the anxiety of waiting…

…and then eventually seeing it fly high up in the sky and down toward me….

Yep. Usually filled me with terror.

.

I was either afraid of getting hit by the ball or dropping it. With all eyes on me of course.

“During crunch time, players want the ball. Others want to hide.”

(John Maxwell, Talent is Never Enough, p. 20)

I played on a softball team for two seasons. The coach made me catcher, which was usually fine until all the bases were loaded and the stakes were in my hands. That’s when I hated the position almost as much as being in the outfield.

But one day we had a game when the head coach wasn’t there. The assistant had me play short stop and I nearly had a coronary.

However, as the game got underway, something amazing happened. I became totally juiced.

There was something about being that close, with a 95% probability that the ball (fast and furious) would come my way almost every time, that got me totally jazzed.

I WANTED to catch it. And at that point, the way I played the game totally changed. It was the biggest rush.

When the head coach returned for the next game, I fully expected to be given a shot at the new position…

It was back to catcher.

I was bummed AND ticked.

During crunch time, players want the ball…

Hmmmm…something to think about…

Perhaps at this point I should say, baseball…er…softball been very, very good to me!

Thomas Edison once said, “If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astonish ourselves.”

So why is it so hard sometimes to take that leap of faith and just do it?

Well, I’ve come to understand that as a human being, both my mind and body are incredibly adept at keeping everything in balance in accordance with my beliefs.

In fact, stress is a key signal to the body that something is off.

.

“Both Eastern and Western medical sciences have long understood that maintaining natural balances is the body’s greatest priority; if the systems of the body are going to work at all, they must work together in harmony. When equilibrium is thrown off balance, the result is stress…Stress includes both the alarm responses that signal imbalance and the coping mechanisms that seek restoration of equilibrium.”

(Gerald May, Addiction & Grace - Love and Spirituality in the Healing of Addictions, p. 73)

And haven’t we all experienced stress, along with that drive to get things back to “normal?”

Last month I had a (somewhat) funny situation happen to me. I was sitting at my desk working on something when I heard a little noise by my window. I looked up and there sitting on the sill, staring right at me through the blinds was a little mouse. And yes, it was inside.

Our eyes locked for probably a minute or more. I didn’t want to move for fear it would leave the sill and come all the way into my bedroom. But as you might suspect, it eventually scampered all the way in.

Years ago I had a problem with a mouse in a previous home. All those memories came flooding back into my brain: the endless scratching noises that would keep me up at night, holes and droppings discovered throughout the house, buying and setting traps everywhere…all of which seemed to go on for a very long time.

So what was happening in me at the moment that little guy scurried into my (now) much smaller living space was nothing short of panic. Things were definitely out of balance and I wanted that creature out of my place YESTERDAY!

Traps were set and the mouse was caught within about 24 hours, but I will tell you that my entire being was in a state of alert until it was over.

While this is kind of a silly, amusing example, stress signals like this - mild to severe - typically accompany the individual who is moving into new or unfamiliar territory - whether it’s starting a new job, trying out a new sport, or learning a new skill.

And how much more so when the person is actually trying to change or develop some aspect of their identity, perhaps leaving behind old, entrenched patterns of thinking and behaving?

It’s kind of like the rubber band effect - the impulse is to snap back into the old, familiar “shape.”

Coming across someone who has brought their life to a screeching halt can be a scary thing sometimes. As human beings I firmly believe we are meant to always be moving, growing, learning, changing, and though it sounds strange, evolving.

Personally, I don’t think we’re meant to just “hang out” here, biding time through our entire existence.

I know that when I put everything on hold and ignore the signals of movement and growth that are happening inside me I can become very depressed, almost despairing.

It’s especially keen when I know and feel that it is a higher calling stirring within me.

Unfortunately, in today’s world, it is all too easy to put off, hit the snooze button, or utterly ignore those whispers of meaning and purpose that are always beckoning the human soul to its higher purpose.

There are so many distractions available, so many ways to dull the message coming toward me.

When I continually ignore the message, this other side of me manifests. Affectionately (or not so), this entity known as “Dennis” (see Self Acceptance: Building Belief in Yourself While Going for Your Dreams) comes equipped with his own beliefs, habits, imagination, and will. And subsequently, he rules as if there is no other reality.

C.S. Lewis beautifully depicts a similar manifestation in his book, “The Silver Chair.” A prince is captured by an evil queen and put under an enchantment that transforms him into a conceited, self-absorbed…jerk.

He must be bound in a chair, however, during times when the enchantment is lifted and his “right mind” comes back to him.

While under the spell, he has everyone convinced that he is who he says he is and the other, true self, is the bad guy, the one to keep bound up.

“Listen while I am master of myself. When the fit is upon me, it well may be that I shall beg and implore you, with entreaties and threatenings, to loosen my bonds…I shall call upon you by all that is most dear and most dreadful. But do not listen to me…For while I am bound you are safe. But if once I were up and out of this chair, then first would come my fury, and after that” - he shuddered - “the change into a loathsome serpent.”

(The Silver Chair, C.S. Lewis, p. 170)

One of my favorite quotes is by Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

I believe this to be both a very profound and very accurate statement.

But for the “spells” that I and many others put themselves under, there is so much that we could probably accomplish. Instead, many of us find ourselves like Ulysses in Homer’s Odyssey, in danger of crashing against the rocks by the enticing song of the Sirens that attempts to pull us away from the journey and our destiny.

Thankfully the spell lifts, the danger passes, and the right mind is returned to once again call the sojourner forward.

“Have they told you that if I am released from this chair I shall kill you and become a serpent? I see by your faces that they have. It is a lie. It is at this hour that I am in my right mind.”

(The Silver Chair, C.S. Lewis, p. 172)

I am fully capable of convincing myself and the world around me that I am someone else when I am in the “Dennis” mindset. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, he ain’t a very attractive guy. In fact, he’s a counterfeit to all that is good, true, and noble within me.

And as they say, like attracts like.

And for those who either love or hate the book and/or movie “The Secret,” this is what I’m talking about. The kids in C.S. Lewis’ book couldn’t stand the prince when he was under the spell.

There is a lot to be said for being grounded in one’s true self.

I’ve heard it said that life is like a game. People who are able to  objectively negotiate through its challenges and setbacks, as well as its successes and wins, stand to be winners…no matter how the game goes.

Sometimes the winds of life blow hard, and depending on which direction I am headed, the wind can either be at my back or practically knocking me over. Wind is wind. It does not have a personal agenda for or against me.

Let me put it a different way. Think about a traffic jam. Ugh. Chicago traffic at rush hour can be the worst, and there are times when I can really let it get to me.

But it’s not like everyone in the jam is out to make my time of driving a miserable experience. They’re all just trying to get somewhere too!

Being able to handle frustrating moments without letting them take me down is a skill I’m finding worth developing.

Going back to the game metaphor, I can choose whether life’s frustrations and hardships are a meaningless game of chance or whether they are a game that has a purpose and can be mastered through strategies that can be learned. 

Which is more empowering?

If I believe that stuff just happens to me, I can focus on the belief that life just isn’t fair and definitely not worth going after with zeal and enthusiasm. I’m a victim.

If I believe that a higher purpose may be governing the events in my life, then I stand to feel better about what is happening.

There is a verse in the Bible that I really like:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God…" (Romans 8:28)

Even if you are not of the Christian faith, this is an extremely powerful belief for anyone to employ in their life!

Seeing everything as working for me is very empowering.

Everything that happens in my life, good, bad, or indifferent, works for my good.

Mind you, I’m not talking about sugarcoating every tragedy that occurs and pasting on a fake smile to mask the pain. I’m talking about acknowledging that the things that happen in my life are not happening in a vacuum, but rather these things, when looked at over the larger scheme of time, are working together for my good.

And I won’t say that the God of this universe would be so picky as to discriminate against those who do not know, love, or believe in him, because my belief is that he is ALWAYS reaching out and speaking to people and working things out for them because that is just who he is.

Again, that’s my belief, and not everyone believes what I believe…

But let’s say we don’t even bring faith or religion or anything like that into the equation.

Holding strongly to a belief that life prepares, educates, and teaches lessons for our good, even good that may be way off into the future, can still be an extremely healthy way to engage with the things that happen in it.

I recently became acquainted with a guy who has written a memoir of his addiction to and journey out of using Crystal Meth. I’m only about 25 pages into his story, but I am amazed at this man who got caught up in this stuff, overcame it, and is now using his skills as a writer to reach other people and help them learn from HIS experience.

He is deliberately choosing not to see himself as a victim of the circumstances in his life, but rather becoming a champion for a cause that very few are willing to take up. He is very passionate about it.

History and modern times are full of examples of people like Terry. People who choose to look at their lives a little differently, taking responsibilty for the lessons learned, growing through them, and passing on the knowledge to others.  

They see calling and purpose out of the cards dealt to them.

I look at my own life. There are days when I’m like, "What is up here???" However, I’ve learned more and more to trust the process and believe that everything happens for a reason.

Hardships make me stronger. Fears develop courage. Disappointments create resolve.

There’s a popular saying I used to hear a lot when I was in sales: "Sometimes you gotta roll with the punches."

So today, I choose to treat life like a game that has a purpose…and not any old purpose…a purpose that works for my good!

When it comes to adopting new habits, beliefs, and ways of thinking, it comes down to , quite literally, a matter of growing a new brain.

For many decades, scientists and biologists believed that the brains we were born with were not capable of growth or expansion. If sections of the brain were damaged through traumas such as accidents or strokes, it was pretty much tough luck, according to the experts.

But thankfully, through the persistent investigation of scientists, researchers, and average everyday lay people, it has been discovered and proven that the brain is quite capable of expansion, growth, healing, and change.

This is great news for everyone!

For a long time the brain was viewed as a machine that was "hardwired" and unchangeable.

A friend and reader of this blog recently turned me on to a book called "The Brain That Changes Itself," by Norman Doidge, MD. Dr. Doidge chronicles the stories of people who have investigated what has come to be known as "brain plasticity."

"At first many of the scientists didn’t dare use the word ‘neuroplasticity’ in their publications, and their peers belittled them for promoting a fanciful notion. Yet they persisted, slowly overturning the doctrine of the unchanging brain.

They showed that children are not always stuck with the mental abilities they are born with; that the damaged brain can often reorganize itself so that when one part fails, another can often substitute; that if brain cells die, they can at times be replaced; that many ‘circuits’ and even basic reflexes that we think are hardwired are not."

(Norman Doidge, M.D., The Brain That Changes Itself, p. xix)

I think one of the greatest dangers in this world is not terrorism, war, or disease…it’s a closed mind. I’ve seen a mind like this - rigid, unyielding, unteachable, legalistic - leave a path of despair, hurt, and confusion in its wake.

Friendships have been lost, businesses have folded, and lives have been ruined because of people who have been unwilling to open their minds, think out of the box, or view things from a different perspective.

I propose that no matter where any of us are today, we can change ourselves. I would not be writing this blog if I did not believe it possible. 

But it all comes down to taking responsibility for the change. Even if I walk down to my local church, pray the sinner’s prayer, and get dunked in a baptismal tank, I am responsible for walking out that change in daily living!

Nothing comes without effort. Ask any Olympian!