I doubt there has been any baby in the history of the world who burst out of the womb knowing everything.

From the moment we take that first breath we are learning and adapting.

Learning to walk took a lot of stumbling and falling first.

How about, er, learning to manage those bodily functions at appropriate times?

Think about the first time you hopped on that bike…and promptly fell over.

I don’t think perfection has ever been best friends with learning.

Even though I can be a terrible offender when it comes to perfectionism, deep down I know the only way to learn is to give myself permission to make mistakes without going down on myself when I screw up.

So it is when I’m reaching for any type of goal.

Rarely does it go perfectly.

As long I learn from the process, get up, and keep moving ahead until I reach what I want, the destination will be attained.

NOTE: It’s always best to remain FLEXIBLE. Sometimes goals need to be amended, a vision enlarged, or plans altered based on new information learned!

I think the following by Portia Nelson is somewhat of a classic. Definitely a good metaphor for being flexible. It’s called “Autobiography in Five Short Chapters”…

Chapter 1. I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2. I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place, but it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in. It’s a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter 4. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter 5. I walk down another street.

I grew up in the ’70’s. I remember mood rings, 8-track tapes, disco, and…positive thinking. Positive thinking? Yes, positive thinking.

My mom filled my head with all kinds of sayings, like “turn your scars in to stars” and the like.

I have to say that to this day when I hear the phrase “positive thinking” I can’t help but remember the cheesy hairstyles and gaudy clothing from that decade.

I also remember some hellish times, particularly a nightmarish year in 7th grade. I lived on positive thinking to get me through.

In regards to keeping a positive outlook on things, I like to consider all thoughts as falling somewhere along a range:

Super, sickeningly sweet positive thinking on one extreme (you know, the kind that is devoid of any groundedness in reality whatsoever). Super, depressingly negative thinking on the other extreme (runs on auto-crabby, auto-futility, and auto-it’s the end of the world).

And then there’s everything in between.

In terms of thinking positively while facing setbacks, discouragement, disappointment, etc. on the way to success, I believe it’s good to fall somewhere in the middle of that spectrum.

It takes practice for sure, especially when emotions are running high. John Maxwell says,

Success comes from going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.

(The Maxwell Leadership Bible, p. 910)

If anything it’s an outlook, a determination that no matter what, you will move forward BECAUSE you believe in that dream, goal, destination, purpose, etc.

If you need a little help in this department, turn up the speakers on your computer, open up a new browser window, and copy and paste the following URL:

http://FirstName.YouAreMighty.com (replace “FirstName” with your actual first name).

Hit enter and enjoy what comes next!

In regards to Handling Discouragement on the Way to Success, I like John Maxwell’s advice so much that I’m gonna stay on this topic for a little bit and begin unpacking what it means. Let’s start with…

Rising above self-pity.

Okay, I’ll raise my hand again and admit I’ve spent more time in the crying closet than I would really care to admit. Grieving is okay and definitely vital to moving on. But when the focus continues to revolve around me, my problems, why I can’t get a break, why it’s not fair…yadda, yadda, yadda…well, that gets old very fast.

I read a great definition of self-pity on Wikipedia:

“Self-pity is a psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor ability to cope with it. It is characterized by a person’s belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence.”

Condolence is an interesting word. I tend to think of condolence in regards to sending expressions of sympathy to someone who has lost a loved one. You send condolences to the family of someone who has died or to someone who has experienced some type of severe tragedy.

But can you imagine sending condolences to someone who stubbed their toe, had their cable TV go on the fritz, or can’t pay their credit card bill? I mean, doesn’t that sound a little silly, maybe a little over the top?

Tony Robbins writes…

“…it’s never the environment; it’s never the events of our lives, but the meaning we attach to the events - how we interpret them - that shapes who we are today and who we’ll become tomorrow. Beliefs are what make the difference between a lifetime of joyous contribution and one of misery and devastation.”

(Awaken the Giant Within, p. 74)

I really do believe that both the amount and the kind of meaning that gets attached to the events, circumstances, situations, etc. of our lives can either cause us to soar above self-pity or wallow in its mire.

And what mire it can be. Icky, gooey, smelly, depressing mire that usually everyone BUT the pitiful individual can see a mile away.

Like a pig in a pen…

Here are some things I’ve done to move away from self-pity when I’m starting to feel pulled in by it:

1. Start thinking up solutions. What can I do to make the most of this situation, turn it around, educate myself better about it, etc?

2. Pull out my journal and start writing down things I’m thankful for.

3. Do something good for myself. Cook a good meal, write my blog, exercise, listen to great music, invite a friend for coffee, etc.

4. Congratulate myself on little accomplishments. I like checklists and on more than one occasion have written down easy, little things like “make my bed,” “brush my teeth,” etc. because they are no-brainers. When I feel I’m not accomplishing anything for the day, these make for easy successes. (Hey now…I know someone out there will appreciate this little bit of wisdom!!!)

5. Take a nap. Like a cranky baby, sometimes all I need is a little rest!

Following up Holding to Belief, Vision, and Purpose in Times of Discouragement, I found some great wisdom and insight from John Maxwell on the topic of handling setbacks when moving toward a goal:

The key question on your bad day is: Are you going to give up or get up? And how can you get up?

1.   Rise above self-pity.
2.   Think positively.
3.   Learn from your experiences.
4.   Seek alternatives.
5.   Develop a sense of humor.
6.   Be realistic.
7.   Establish new goals.
8.   Develop a passion.
9.   Broaden your base of support.
10. Separate your self-worth from your performance.

(From “The Maxwell Leadership Bible,” p. 910)

Setbacks are part of life. I’ll admit I haven’t always been a star performer when it comes to rolling with the punches of adversity, but I’ve held my ground more times than not. And I’ve never gone down for the count…at least not permanently!

I took a telecourse last weekend called The Art and Science of Achieving Your Goals and Dreams. Part of my pre-course homework involved writing a life purpose statement, as well as a vision statement for my life (what my life would be like living at the peak of success and the achievement of my goals and dreams). I will share them both.

Purpose

“The purpose of my life is to learn and grow, inspiring others along the way, and showing them they too can do the same.”

Vision

“I am living a life of complete emotional freedom. I love myself and others freely and unconditionally. I have learned to master my thoughts and emotions in such a way that I’ve come to trust and honor myself and my abilities at a whole new level. I can state a goal and know I will reach it because I am congruent and honor my promises to myself. I accept all learning curves and have learned to be patient with myself and others as a result.

The aforementioned emotional freedom has enabled me to move into financial freedom. I am free to ask and receive. I can hold an intention with complete faith because I know it will come to pass. This has enabled me to exceed my financial targets. I am attracting money, business, and partnerships at increasing levels of speed and earn in excess of $________K a year.”

I launched this blog to find, reach out to, and connect with others on this level. I know there is great power to be found in accountability and I’ve already seen how some of you out there have been awakened to your own dreams and goals and have gotten that extra push to take your own steps of faith.

So with that said, “you know who” paid me a visit this week. Yes, that would be “Dennis.” (Refer to Self Acceptance: Building Belief in Yourself While Going for Your Dreams to learn more about him!) I had been working toward a particular financial goal over the past couple of years and had somewhat of a setback in relation to it a few days ago.

These things happen.

Of the myriad reactions I had building in me, one of the more healthy responses was to talk about it here. After all, this is the before, during, and after story. In doing so I live out my chosen purpose in the present, and set the stage for achieving my vision in the future.

Even though what happened sucks (I won’t go into details yet), it’s pretty cool to realize it’s still working in my favor!

At some point faith always gets tested. Holding the course, especially during moments of discouragement, is the key to getting to the other side.

Can I hear an Amen?

In a previous post, Building Belief with a Burning Desire to Succeed in Whatever You Set Your Mind To, I touched on the concept of faith.

I’m not a theologian by any stretch of the imagination, so this is my bare-bones, working man’s (or shall I say Lab Rat’s?) definition of the word:

Faith is believing, and even seeing in your mind’s eye, something you cannot physically see or sense.

It’s believing something to be real and true, even if it is contrary to or conflicts with what you are experiencing. There is no evidence that it is true but you believe it is true.

This is probably where we get the term “blind faith” from.

I think most people are introduced to the idea of faith in conjunction with some type of spiritual belief, however I don’t believe that any religion has a corner on the market when it comes to faith. I believe it is available to anyone for the taking.

One of the top songs in my daily ritual for success is “Faith” by a Swedish artist named Leana. It’s another one of those songs (and yes, there a LOT of those songs) that really resonates with me.

The lyrics are very simple. Here’s a sampling…

I didn’t want to know you
Didn’t want to show you
Who I was

What if I told you?
What if I showed you?
Would you see? Maybe, baby

‘Cause when I open the door
I just want to make sure
I won’t need to close it again

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting such a long time

I’ve found it extremely easy to live in and believe that the only reality is the reality that I experience today with my physical senses. That includes beliefs I’ve come to adopt over time.

Beliefs about my value, worth, abilities, talents, skills.

Beliefs about my relationships, family, friends, income, job.

Beliefs about what I can accomplish in life.

Beliefs about what I can give in life.

But what about faith?

If I, David, want to make any kind of change in my life, to some degree I have to believe it is possible before receiving any kind of evidence that it is.

About ten years ago I was taking a medication that caused my weight to balloon out 25 pounds. To this day I can’t stand looking at pictures of myself from that time. When I spoke with the doctor about my concerns, she told me to get used to it because it was a known side effect and nothing could be done to change it.

For awhile I believed her.

Then I heard about a book called “Body for Life” and I saw all these Before and After pictures of people who’d transformed themselves physically in 90 days.

My mind went to the possibility of believing something else.

I followed the principles and steps laid out in the book, even though I had NO EVIDENCE that it would work for me.

I would call that faith.

I would also call every day I worked out and every meal I ate and every glass of water I drank and every supplement I took mini steps of faith throughout the whole process.

I lost the 25 pounds.

Here’s the best part: when that doctor saw me, she couldn’t believe it. Now how’s that for irony!!!

There is a real dance with faith when it comes to pursuing goals and dreams. And it can be tainted with a lot of ambivalence at times…

I didn’t want to know you
Didn’t want to show you
Who I was

What if I told you?
What if I showed you?
Would you see? Maybe, baby

‘Cause when I open the door
I just want to make sure
I won’t need to close it again

So, on the edge of making any kind of decision to move forward in anything in life (new career, new relationship, new body, new business, new habits), faith stands willing to take its believers across the bridge into that new reality.

And honestly, I believe it even has the capability of carrying us all the way across until our feet are firmly planted in that new reality.

Here are the lyrics (at least my stab at them) for “Faith” and if the play button has disappeared (a known issue!) you can listen to the song here.

Faith, Leana

Faith…
Faith…
Faith…

I didn’t want to know you
Didn’t want to show you
Who I was

What if I told you?
What if I showed you?
Would you see? Maybe, baby

‘Cause when I open the door
I just want to make sure
I won’t need to close it again

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting such a long time

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting, waiting such a long time

Faith…

Faith…

Faith…

I didn’t want to go there
Didn’t want to know there was something else
Higher than the mountain
Higher than the sky far over my head

‘Cause when I open the door
I just want to make sure
I won’t need to close it again

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting such a long time

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting, waiting such a long time

For this…

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting such a long time

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting such a long time

Faith
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
‘Cause I’ve been waiting, waiting such a long time

I’ve got faith

I’ve got faith.

I have an alter ego. His name is Dennis.

In my post, The Before Story…The Starting Point for Change, I wrote, “there’s a side of me that seeks to sabotage any progress or accomplishments I make. It’s like a kamikaze pilot dive-bombing my life for days, weeks, and months on end if I let it.”

Well folks, that’s Dennis.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has an alter ego like Dennis. You know, the kind who lies hidden, ready to pounce when you least expect it…Ready to accuse, point a finger of blame, tell you why you can’t ______ (fill in the blank).

Taking steps of faith and completely ignoring that voice can sometimes seem impossible, but developing and consistently maintaining an empowering ritual for success can go a long way toward mastering it.

Off and on over the past several months I’ve been reading from Nathaniel Branden’s book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. While I won’t go into everything about his book in this post, at minimum I will lay out what he considers the six pillars of a healthy self-esteem:

1. The Practice of Living Consciously
2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
6. The Practice of Personal Integrity

I recently began delving into the second pillar, The Practice of Self-Acceptance. So many juicy nuggets of truth!

“Whereas self-esteem is something we experience, self-acceptance is something we do. Stated in the negative, self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself.” (p.90)

Let THAT one sink in!!! (Dennis, are ya listening???)

Not too long ago I was having a bad day and Dennis erupted out of hiding and decided to have his say. I found myself in front of a mirror, not picking myself apart, but BLASTING myself apart.

Hmmmmmm… Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself…

In times like this it is good to have developed and maintained some proper thinking habits beforehand.

Meditation, visualization, affirmations, positive self-talk…good stuff for sure.

How about feeding the good parts of myself instead of starving them?

There’s this song that came out awhile back that I really love. It’s called Let Me Take You Away by Jenn Cuneta. I scoured the internet to try to find the lyrics (fortunately they’re relatively easy to transcribe).

Let Me Take You Away is another one of those upbeat songs that I’ve included in my empowering ritual for success. I don’t know the background or exact meaning of the song, though I’m sure it’s about some kind of relationship.

On the surface the lyrics probably don’t sound very deep or meaningful. When I look in the mirror however, and tell them (or sing them Karaoke-style!) to myself, they take on a whole new, powerful meaning. 

And just to be clear, I ain’t talking to Dennis. I’m talking to that good part of me. The one who needs to be fed and to grow stronger.

(Translation for Dennis: This is an A and B conversation. You’re C. That’s short for C Ya, adios, take a hike.)

Do I sound like a nut? Certifiable for sure! :-)

My stab at the lyrics is below. I know there are spots where I’m probably totally off, but the message is still great Click here to listen to the song on Jenn’s MySpace page (a new window will open up, it’s the second song in her player).

You really have to listen and read along to the song to fully appreciate what I’m talking about!

Let Me Take You Away, Jenn Cuneta

I see you staring back at me
It’s like some crazy kind of chemistry.
You can’t disguise it.
You have that glare.
Like natural mystic floating through the air.

It doesn’t matter what you say, but what you do.
It’s true.
Your eyes are telling me you want to lose control.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Livin’ this is so much better than dreamin.’

Let me tell you the feeling that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what it is that you’re needin’.

Let me take you away.

Been working hard, everyday.
Nobody listens to a word you say.

You want your fortune, yesterday.
It’s no illusion when you’re hungry for more.

It doesn’t matter what you say, but what you do.
It’s true.
Your eyes are telling me you want to lose control.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Livin’ this is so much better than dreamin’.

Let me tell you the feelings that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what it is that you’re needin’.
Let me take you away.

Don’t look away, you gotta be strong.
Don’t be afraid, no cause for alarm.
Feel the joy in your heart, in your soul.
Lose control.

Come with me.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Livin’ this is so much better than dreamin’.

Let me tell you the feeling that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what it is that you’re needin’.

Let me take you away.
Everybody needs a friend to believe in.

Let me take you away.
Living this is so much better than dreamin’.

Let me tell you the feeling that I have you should know.
And you feel it everywhere that you go.

Let me take you away.
Let me give you what is that you’re needin’.

Let me take you away.