There’s this song by Randy Jackson that Paula Abdul sings, “Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow.” It came out last summer and I’m a huge fan of the video and the Paul Oakenfold remix. I’ve been watching it a lot lately.

There’s something about the way the dancers move that really grabs me. They have this total freedom and abandon to the dance.

And they just can’t be doing that out of their heads.
No way.

This kind of dancing HAS to require them to put their entire being into it. That’s why I think I enjoy watching the video so much. Even their facial expressions are in the flow!

I’m so ready to move my body
Forget about all my problems
When I hear that song
I’m a lose control
Hey, here I go

All I wanna do is stay right here on the floor
Get lost in the night
And dance like there’s no tomorrow
Don’t care about the sunrise
Somebody please just hit the lights
All I wanna do is dance like there’s no tomorrow

Randy Jackson, Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow

Something clicked inside me several weeks ago. I felt this shift from attempting to control everything through my intellect (my head) to letting myself become fully engaged with my heart and passion, letting things begin to flow freely through my entire being (body), so to speak.

Now what the heck does that mean???

It’s so easy to let those six inches between the ears steal the show. For me, it’s fear and over-analysis. They keep me in a virtual lockdown. It’s like walking into a party, collar buttoned all the way up, body stiff as a board, making a beeline for the most remote corner of the room.

But then this song comes on and the guy inside is screaming, “Let me out!! I’m suffocating in here! I gotta dance!!!”

The initial movements are awkward and jerky, but over time they become more fluid. The collar gets loosened and a few buttons come undone.

Thaaaat’s what I’m talkin’ about…

I’ve felt this guy inside pushing his way outward. He’s like, “Stop wishing you were someone else! Just let loose, be yourself, and it will all come together.”

“In a person’s life there comes a time when he or she pursues growth and expansion on the level of form. This is when you strive to overcome limitation such as physical weakness or financial scarcity, when you acquire new skills and knowledge, or through creative action bring something new into this world that is life-enhancing for yourself as well as others.

“This may be a piece of music or a work of art, a book, a service you provide, a function you perform, a business or organization that you set up or make a vital contribution to…

“What you are doing is not primarily a means to an end (money, prestige, winning) but fulfilling in itself…”

(Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth, p. 210-211)

So over the past several weeks I’ve begun relinquishing control and allowing all those aspects of my personality that drive my passion to come to the front and take over the wheel.

Giving up that control hasn’t come naturally. There have been times where I’ve felt what could only be described as seizures of fear. Like standing in the corner contemplating what would happen once I stepped out onto the dance floor.

Will they laugh? Will I look like a dork?

But I can only stay within the agony of indecision before I go nuts and say,

“What the heck…just do it!”

So I have.

One major area of resistance has been in fully embracing myself as an entrepreneur. I’ve dug my heels in the ground on this one for quite some time, parceling it out here and there, but never really letting it flow and get integrated with the rest of my life.

I could say I was a writer, communicator, or marketer, but I just could not get over the fact that who I truly felt I was inside was this thing I never felt I could explain.

Hello!!! You can’t explain it. You LIVE it.

My eye was always on someone else. “Why couldn’t I be THAT guy with THAT easily categorized job title?” Talk about feeling miserable in the corner with that buttoned-up collar. I’d equated my passions with being weird, strange, and outside the norm.

To quote a college roommate in his twangy southern drawl:

“David, how lowng’s this been gowin’ on?”

A long time.

But once I put the fun guy in the driver’s seat and made the outward declaration to everyone around me (sometimes confidently, sometimes sheepishly), I felt a great deal of peace and assurance that yep, this is home.

It seemed as if overnight the career envy I’d felt toward others completely evaporated. I too now had both a place and a purpose.

What freedom to love oneself this way!!

I used to hang out with a group of friends who, whenever we’d eat at a Chinese restaurant, would read the fortunes in their cookies like this:

“Success is coming soon…in the bathroom.”
or “Your character will be rewarded…in the bathroom.”

The point was to end every fortune with the phrase, “in the bathroom.” Some people use the phrase, “in the bedroom.” Either way, it can all sound pretty hilarious after awhile.

I had coffee with a friend at Starbucks last week and was sharing with him some of the crazy loops in my thinking. You know, the Groundhog Day that keeps getting repeated over and over (for those who are familiar with Bill Murray’s movie).

For me it’s those fears and judgments that come from inside me, stuff that my mind makes up to keep me locked in position…never moving forward, never moving backward - just frozen.

We talked for probably an hour, and as we were wrapping it up and getting ready to leave, I glanced down at my Starbucks cup and read the following message printed on it:

“The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”

(Anne Morriss, The Way I See It #76)

My jaw dropped when I read that. My friend grabbed the cup and wrote it down for himself. I’m looking at the cup right now because I saved it.

What am I trying to say here?

Messages are everywhere and out there for anyone who will listen. And let me tell you I’ve gotten them in the strangest, most unusual ways. They’ve been so relevant and on target it’s uncanny.

I’m not saying that all the messages are necessarily good, but for those who are earnestly seeking (and even for those who aren’t seeking at all) the good ones usually end up getting delivered.

I actually have several fortune cookie fortunes that I’ve saved because they spoke something straight at me:

“You have the ability to touch the lives of many people.” …when I was questioning myself and my ability to make a difference in anyone’s life.

“Do not give up; the beginning is always the hardest.” …when I started a new project and was feeling very discouraged about everything.

I don’t go to fortune tellers or read horoscopes or anything like that. But inevitably something will leap out at me during the course of my day that grabs me in such a way that it makes me pay attention. Song lyrics, a line from a movie, something I’m reading.

Anything.

I think a lot of us are good at dumbing down our senses so we don’t hear these as frequently or, more often than not, laugh them away. But by hook or crook (as my Mom says), they will reach us in ways that even the postman or post woman couldn’t compete with…come rain, sleet, or snow.

There have been times I’ve wanted to completely pull away from the world. Humanity in all its finest glory can become a depressing, tedious grind to deal with sometimes. The last thing I want to do was put my heart out there for anyone, let alone write this blog.

Yet just this past week, out of the blue, two people I never knew before went out of their way to tell me they were reading my blog, that it spoke to them, and how they’ve enjoyed it.

That kind of thing pulls me up short. All I can do is wonder what would have happened if I stopped before now?

I think listening can be random or intentional. Random listening is the kind I’ve been describing. Intentional is more deliberate, the kind that comes through something like a regular habit of reading or meditating.

For those who follow church seasons, Ash Wednesday was yesterday and we are now in the period known as Lent. It’s traditionally a time of reflection, examination, and preparation for Easter. In keeping with that theme, I picked up my Bible this morning to read today’s Lenten scriptures:

“Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37: 3-4)

There’s so much in that passage that spoke and continues to speak to me. I’m not sure if it makes a whole lot of sense to write it here, but for my belief that it could be significant for a lot of people during these troubling, angst-ridden times.

Peace…

It’s funny what people pick and choose to believe. I’m not sure if I’ve got the expression right, but I think it’s something like, “speaking out of both sides of your mouth.”

I probably have that wrong.

I’ve been having a little bit of a dialog with a friend. It seems that for him (as a Christian) the notion of self-improvement smacks of a lot of self-centeredness. At least that’s the gist I get.

His reasoning is that it’s more important to focus on God, humbling oneself before God and others.

I know there are lots of places in the Bible that back up that reasoning, and even a specific place that says to humble oneself the way he’s alluding to. And there’s also this one:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. ‘The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

(Mark 12:30-31)

That one seems to cover all the bases.

I will step in to say that sometimes I want to throw up (it’s a figure of speech) when I hear some things that come out of the mouths of those who are big on self-improvement, yet sound so arrogant, controlling, and downright manipulative in their approach.

I wholeheartedly agree that anyone approaching the area of self-improvement (for themselves or others) would want to do so with a sense of both awe and humility.
We have amazing minds, bodies, and spirits. There are so many things we all have the potential to do to make a difference in ourselves, others, the communities we live in, and the world around us.

But while we have the power to create, build up, empower, and change, we also hold the ability to annihilate and destroy (both figuratively and literally).

I’ve recently found myself saying this a lot:

“Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.”

I can do all kinds of things, but should I? If I thought everything happened in a vacuum, I probably would do all kinds of things. But it doesn’t. Actions have rippling effects and I am still responsible.

Everything I write about I’m fascinated by. Let me back up. My subjects are fascinating to me (and yes, I do like my writing…). The topics are fun to delve into.

Sure I might rankle some Christians’ fur because I reference the work of writers who aren’t “Christian” and would even be deemed “New Age” (I promise to write more on this obsession some have with labels very soon).

But the bottom line for me is that truth is truth. It’s all around us, evident in nature, and in many traditions (mine included) revealed by God.

And no one has a corner on truth. If someone tells you they do, RUN AWAY!!!!

And please understand that I’m NOT saying, “For God so loved the world that he sent Truth into it.” Some of you will get what I’m saying here. I kind of felt the need to make it clear.

But darn it anyhow if it’s not in our natures to develop as human beings!

Seriously think this through with me. Does it make sense to raid the maternity wards of every hospital in the world?

“Sorry moms and pops, there’s just TOO much development going on. We can’t stand it. Those babes will learn, develop, and grow up. Those are future minds that need to develop into who they were called to be. We gotta stop that!!”

And dang it anyhow. We will just have to do WITHOUT all the athletes, sports teams, and Olympians who inspire us, if not give us some of our favorite pastimes.

And celebrities? Forget it. Who needs music, movies, and theater anyhow? I’m calling a boycott on everyone who dares to go after their dreams despite the odds so that we (the public at large) can enjoy their work and have a form of escape every now and again.

Forget people who think and focus so differently that they are able to create some of our biggest breakthroughs in science and technology. No iPod. No Microsoft. No internet. No computer. No lights. No electricity. No telephone. No gas. No cars. If it’s different and no one’s done it before and we don’t have it now, we DON’T need it. NO. NO. NO.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I certainly didn’t grow up in an idyllic paradise where my parents did everything perfectly and everyone affirmed, loved, and treated me royally.

Nope. I have LOTS of things to overcome, work through, and get over. And because that doesn’t happen by just sitting around and hoping, I have to do something about it. I have to be purposeful.

Let me end my little tirade with something from Viktor Frankl:

“Let us first ask ourselves what should be understood by ‘a tragic optimism.’ In brief it means that one is, and remains, optimistic in spite of the ‘tragic triad’..a triad which consists of those aspects of human existence which may be circumscribed by: (1) pain; (2) guilt; and (3) death…

“I speak of a tragic optimism, that is, an optimism in the face of tragedy and in view of the human potential which at its best always allows for: (1) turning suffering into a human achievement and accomplishment; (2) deriving from guilt the opportunity to change oneself for the better; and (3) deriving from life’s transitoriness an incentive to take responsible action.”

(Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning, p. 139-140)

I, for one, am all for tragic optimism. How about you?

I’ve heard, read, and seen tons of stories over the years of really successful, famous, popular, even iconic, individuals. They run the gambit: business people, celebrities, sports figures, etc.

Every now and again I’ll catch a hint of an internal battle raging, despite the obvious external success.

In most cases there’s almost always a reference to something that happened in childhood or some other ghost from the past. A memory long covered over, but never forgotten.

I’ve seen this in myself too. While outwardly there was all the appearance of growth and confidence, the internal adjustments weren’t always necessarily keeping pace. Sometimes they lagged quite a bit behind.

So instead of a confident, secure adult, I had this scared, insecure little kid trying to take over and bring me back down to a more comfortable level, one not so “out there” and so “open season” for everyone to riddle with their bullets.

Everyone has something that haunts them.

I was reading about “phantom pains” the other day:

“Phantom limbs are troubling because they give rise to a chronic ‘phantom pain’ in 95 percent of amputees that often persists for a lifetime….Scientific literature on pain includes stories of women who suffer menstrual cramps and labor pains even after their uteruses are removed…stories of people whose bladders were removed who still have an urgent, painful chronic need to urinate.”

(Norman Doidge, M.D., The Brain That Changes Itself, p. 180)

I can’t imagine. But then again, sometimes I think I can.

The mind, body, and imagination are so intricately woven together.

It’s taken me years and years and lots of work to update my internal “files.” The dissonance between inside and out was so stark at times, I thought I was going crazy. And I’ve still got a ways to go.

“In the West, it is the physical appearance of the body that contributes greatly to the sense of who you think you are: its strength or weakness, its perceived beauty or ugliness relative to others. For many people, their sense of self-worth is intimately bound up with their physical strength, good looks, fitness, and external appearance. Many feel a diminished sense of self-worth because they perceive their body as ugly or imperfect.

“In some cases, the mental image or concept of ‘my body’ is a complete distortion of reality. A young woman may think of herself as overweight and therefore starve herself when in fact she is quite thin. All she ’sees’ is the mental concept of her body, which says ‘I am fat’ or ‘I will become fat.’”

(Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth p. 49-50)

I’ve known people whose entire identity and belief systems centered around their weight. But something I find very interesting is what happens when they change their physical appearance (drop the weight, tone up, become athletic, etc.). Outwardly they look great and appear poised, confident, and ready to take on the world. But inwardly that identity battle (for many) is still raging. They feel fat, ugly, unwanted, etc.

“It is not just people with good or near-perfect bodies who are likely to equate it with who they are. You can just as easily identify with a ‘problematic’ body and make the body’s imperfection, illness, or disability into your identity…You then unconsciously cling to the illness because it has become the most important part of who you perceive yourself to be.”

(Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth, p. 51)

About 10 years ago I was roughly 25 pounds heavier than I am now. Lots of stuff was out of control for me. But I worked at it, started a good fitness program, and began eating more healthy.

Being 25 pounds overweight is still a very strong reference point for me.

I laugh and sometimes even become angry when I’m at a social gathering, deliberating whether to really indulge myself at the dessert table, and someone says, “What do you have to worry about? You’re skinny!”

Comments like that seem both ridiculous and ignorant to me. Both because keeping in shape takes work (i.e. not going on week, month, and year-long eating binges) and, more importantly (to me), what makes them think they know where I’ve been???

So when I read or hear a story about some superstar celebrity who confesses to having any kind of internal battle or ghost that continues to haunt them, it’s really not so hard for me to believe or understand. Outer appearances aren’t always the best barometers.

But what a lot of people don’t get (I think) is that that kind of deal can happen to anyone. It could be physical, emotional, spiritual, relational.

It could happen when someone changes or loses a job or career, gets promoted or demoted, gains weight following a pregnancy or loses it after a life-long struggle, changes religions or undergoes a spiritual conversion, gets married or gets divorced. There seems to be lots of possible scenarios.

Updating old records and purging ghosts from the past seems to be a package deal when it comes to change. Some walk through it. Some decide it’s more comfortable going back to what was familiar.

Eckhart Tolle writes, “Many people don’t realize until they are on their deathbed and everything external falls away that no thing ever had anything to do with who they are.

“In the proximity of death, the whole concept of ownership stands revealed as ultimately meaningless…

“…they then also realize that while they were looking throughout their lives for a more complete sense of self, what they were really looking for, their Being, had actually always already been there, but had been largely obscured by their identification with things…” (A New Earth, p. 43)

Awhile back I wrote about identity and this whole business card/cocktail party/ice breaker exchange thing that many of us in Western culture love to engage in (see Changing Yourself: Who Am I Anyway???). As long as as I can hide behind this
2 1/2 x 3 1/2 card grade paper, I’m good. Phew! You won’t have to to really get to know me.

But at the core we’re all essentially the same. We’re human.

Can you imagine… “Hey, I’m just really embarrassed to be a human being. Can we just pretend that I’m not and maybe let this professional sounding job title be my stand-in?”

Speaking for myself, I think that as I let go of the embarrassment of (what amounts to) just being like everyone else, I learn to become more detached from this sense of “I am what I do” or “I am what I have or own.”

I’ve come to derive a great sense of satisfaction writing this blog. Even if no one read it, I would still write it. When I’m not writing, I feel a sense of disorder in my life. But when I write, my curiosity and drive to understand things ignites this passion inside. I feel more energetic and confident.

Yet while not attempting to give the impression that I’m creating a voyeuristic environment where everyone gets to peer into everything about my life, I acknowledge there are times when I feel a little squeamish about lowering the protective shield around “Who Am I?”

I think there’s gotta be someone out there who’s said something like, “I can’t do that. What would my friends/family/spouse/etc. think?” Who wants to look dumb, foolish, silly, weird, unusual?

Okay, okay! I know there’s probably SOMEONE out there!

But for the majority of us, status quo rules.

“Concealed within [the ego] remains a deep-seated sense of dissatisfaction, of incompleteness, of ‘not enough.’ ‘I don’t have enough yet,’…really means ‘I am not enough yet.’”

(Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth, p. 46)

I remember when I put my picture on the “About” page of this blog. I was like, “Hmmm…do I really want to let people know what I look like? Maybe just giving my name is enough!”

And then I put a link to my blog on Facebook. I thought, “Hmmmm…am I sure I want people to see this?”

And then I added a Twitter feed to my Facebook status. “Oh crap, now you’ve really done it! Now anyone who sees it will know this is you.”

The real test came when I started adding family members and friends from school to my Facebook page. I thought, “This will be the end!”

THAT required some deep breathing and total detachment.

Detachment from what?

Detachment from how people see and know me, which most likely is tied to a need to be accepted. Sometimes it seems easier to compartmentalize things, to show little bits and pieces, rather than putting it all out there.

…BTW, I think I heard about a great deal on some new business cards…

It cracks me up how certain psychological terms have become somewhat popular and downright cliche in today’s jargon.

I’m sure everyone as some point or another has heard something like, “My boss is really anal” or “I was talking with my husband and all of a sudden he went ADD on me.”

Another term I’ve heard a lot is “OCD,” as in, “I like to have everything picked up before I have company. Guess I’m OCD like that.”

OCD, or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, is described by National Institue of Mental Health as “an anxiety disorder and is characterized by recurrent, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors (compulsions)…

“People with OCD may be plagued by persistent, unwelcome thoughts or images, or by the urgent need to engage in certain rituals…Performing these so-called ‘rituals,’ however, provides only temporary relief, and not performing them markedly increases anxiety.”

Awhile back I picked up the book, “The Brain That Changes Itself,” by Norman Doidge, MD (see Changing Yourself: The Power of the Brain). Dr. Doidge has an interesting perspective about OCD that I was reading about last night.

First, he acknowledges that everyone has worries:

“We worry because we are intelligent beings. Intelligence predicts, that is its essence; the same intelligence that allows us to plan, hope, imagine, and hypothesize also allows us to worry and anticipate negative outcomes.” (p. 164)

He later goes on to say something that I find both interesting and fascinating:

“Often obsessives fear the future because of some mistake they may have made in the past. But it is not only the mistakes that have happened that haunt them. Mistakes that they imagine they could make, should they let down their guard…also generate a sense of dread that cannot be turned off.” (p. 166)

Severe OCD is a condition that seems difficult to treat with drugs or other kinds of therapy. I’m definitely not attempting to make light of something that is extremely painful for some individuals.

But given that we are all prone to worry about something in our lives (jobs, finances, relationships, the economy, etc.), the potential is there to develop the more garden variety kind of OCD.

I would guess, though I’ve not done any research into it, that even the garden variety kind could evolve into a more full blown case if it were coupled with one or more traumatic events -  loss of job, home, or retirement, for example (any of which could be happening many times over for some people in today’s economic climate).

It’s not difficult to imagine (because I’ve experienced it myself) the amount of second guessing and “would have, could have, should have’s” that a person can take themselves through when they feel they’ve made the kinds of mistakes they can never forget, let go of, or move on from.

As human beings, we’re ALL capable of it.

Referencing the work of Jeffrey M. Schwartz (who wrote a book called “Brain Lock”), Dr. Doidge provides this helpful metaphor:

“Normally, when we make a mistake, three things happen. First, we get a ‘mistake feeling,’ that nagging sense that something is wrong. Second, we become anxious, and that anxiety drives us to correct the mistake. Third, when we have corrected the mistake, an automatic gearshift in our brain allows us to move on to the next thought or activity. Then both the ‘mistake feeling’ and the anxiety disappear.

“But the brain of the obsessive-compulsive does not move on or ‘turn the page’…His automatic gearshift does not work, and the mistake feeling and its pursuant anxiety build in intensity.” (p. 169)

I don’t know about anyone else, but I understand and find this simple explanation very helpful…AND useful.

Again citing Schwartz, Dr. Doidge shares that focusing on the content itself (the actual fears) does not appear to be helpful in the treatment process, but rather seems to make it worse. (p. 173)

From the standpoint of a garden varietal, slightly more advanced, worrier, I definitely agree with that.

I remember several occasions where I’d made lists of fears in my journal, thinking I would just be able to get it all out of me and be done with it.

Uh, uh…no way Jose.

In fact, anytime I revisited the list (especially on days when there wasn’t a worry in sight), I would inevitably feel this dark cloud descend on me. It was the weirdest thing.

Instead, a “manual shift” into a new thought is recommended in lieu of the malfunctioning “automatic shift.” This is a kind of training of the brain to focus on something else: “a positive, wholesome, ideally pleasure-giving activity” the moment the anxiety hits. (p.172)

And while this might appear quite simplistic to many, it is apparently both a more difficult and, (probably surprisingly), more successful form of treatment.

It reminds me of something I read in the Bible:

“…whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is fair, whatever is pure, whatever is acceptable, whatever is commendable, if there is anything of excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy - keep thinking about these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

Now THAT’S something to think about.

A friend sent this to me awhile ago. I only claim 50 percent of that gene pool. I’ve always known I owed my sense of humor to the Scottish half!

I remember hearing awhile back that former Federal Reserve Chairman, Alan Greenspan, spent a lot of time in the bathtub - thinking, writing complex speeches, and making major decisions.

That totally cracked me up. I can relate.

This winter has been horribly brutal. For the last several months I’ve resorted to soaking in a hot bathtub to thaw out and keep myself warm.

I’ve actually come to really like this bathtub time. It’s so relaxing! After I got over my initial hangup of getting everything wet, I started to read and write while sitting there too…something I’d never be able to do while standing in the shower!

Getting to the place where I can quiet myself and do some quality pondering and meditating has been somewhat challenging for me.

I have a mind that tends to race all over the place. In fact, I usually get up super early for the sheer reason that there are less distractions in those wee morning hours when most everyone else is turning over in their beds.

I’ve discovered that sitting in that hot bathtub can be so soothing that my mind actually DOES slow down and start to focus more.

Albert Einstein once said, “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has it’s own reason for existing.” So while I was in my relaxed state I grabbed my journal and started asking myself some questions. Here are some of them:

Who do I want to become?
What qualities do I seek to grow in myself?
How do I want to live?
Who do I want to influence? Why?
What priorities are guiding me right now?

I guess that these and all the other questions I wrote down (18 so far) are kind of like revving the engine in my mind.

“…you’ve got to discipline your mind. A mind out of control will play tricks on you. Directed, it’s your best friend. The most powerful way to control focus is through the use of questions.”

Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, p. 162

And what I’ve come to realize is that this engine of my mind can get cold if it hasn’t been turned in awhile. At first the questions barely seem to come. Soon enough, however, they do, and all of a sudden I’ve got a whole bunch of them. Likewise with the answers, which seem to need their own warm-up time as well.

Just as I typically wouldn’t warm up my car without the intention of actually driving it somewhere, my sense is that this focused question and answer time should have a purpose beyond just filling up my notebook with lots of ideas. It should definitely be going somewhere!

In honor of the New Year’s arrival, I’m going to start out with something Mark Victor Hansen recently wrote to the subscribers of his weekly email:

It’s the time of year when many of us reflect on our year’s events…

Our goals; those attained and those unattained.
Our dreams; those fulfilled and those unfilled.
Our hopes; those dashed and those realized.

Perhaps you’ve achieved everything you set out to accomplish in the past 365 days. If so, Congratulations!

But what about the rest of us?

Perhaps for some, the year was not as prosperous as we had hoped and some of the goals remained elusive.  Perhaps some of the lessons we learned seemed harsh and our teachers overbearing.

Yet we continue to learn, grow and choose our own path…

We celebrate our small victories of the past 365 days.

And you have victories you can celebrate and that you can check off as “accomplished” on that big “TO DO” list of yours.

You have done great deeds and have overcome great obstacles. They may not seem like large or obvious accomplishments at first, but when you think about it you have:

Impacted people in a positive way… CHECK!
Expanded your views and your personal education… CHECK!
Continued on the journey towards the ultimate you… CHECK!
Lived 365 days of living, loving and learning… CHECK!
Brought a smile to someone’s face… CHECK!

It was exactly one year ago today that I had spent the entire day writing out my goals. I’d written goals before, but never this detailed or elaborate.

I wrote 36 in all, breaking down how I would accomplish them over the course of the year. I did it in a way that wouldn’t feel overwhelming or impossible. Many were a stretch, but all were definitely worth working toward.

I hit quite a few bumps over the past year and definitely had my fair share of disappointments. While certain goals were unattained, there were some where it seemed like I’d gone completely backward and beyond just going back to Square One.

Some of these apparent “failures” were heartbreaking and difficult to face or even admit to myself.

And then I got that email I shared above. It’s a great feeling knowing I can give myself checks like that!

One of my proudest accomplishments of 2008 is launching this blog. It was one of my 36 written goals too! Yippee!!

A friend recently asked what motivates me to share the way I do. After a bit of thought, I wrote back:

“We live in a day and age where so many people are afraid to let their guards down and subsequently they wear all these masks. It can be tiring after awhile. And I just love the whole learning process and being able to share it from a personal perspective, without the sense that I’m vomiting a ton of inappropriate details.”

I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone, but it’s something that appears to drive me. That, and also the motivation to press through my own journey.

And yes it’s been a journey.

Has someone ever complimented you about something that you were all too quick to deflect? Maybe it was an ability or quality, or the way you looked in those new clothes or that new haircut, or some kind of accomplishment?

Not only am I raising my hand, I’m standing up on the podium jumping up and down saying, “That’s me! Yes, I do that!”

A couple of years ago I used to walk around my neighborhood early in the morning speaking out a little mantra that Tony Robbins shared on one of his CDs: “All I need is within me now.”

At first blush that chant sounded a little strange to me, and coming from a Christian perspective, it felt a little self-centered in a way. Yet while I believe that God provides for my needs, I also believe he put a lot in this package called “David” that I haven’t been so willing to accept.

And hello! The clues had been coming at me left and right for years. I sat there like a blonde deer in the headlights. “Who, me?”

Then something dawned on me yesterday. I guess I can’t say I hadn’t heard it before, but this time I think I really HEARD it:

No matter how many people out there love you, accept you, believe you, appreciate you…none of it will ever be able to overcome or make up for your own lack of self acceptance.

And I realized that everything that the closest of friends and mentors had been trying to tell me…convince me for years…was true: everything I need is right there inside me, like a present, ready to be opened and accepted.

I don’t have to be anyone else. Everything that God gave me is right there, and it’s perfect. No mask required.

Now I don’t know what anyone else would think, but I believe that coming to understand that truth has got to be one of the best and biggest accomplishments for me in all of 2008.

Checks and gold stars all around for you, David! Happy New Year!!!

I recently picked up the book,